Life of the Cake Lady

For Trade

2011-09-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

For Trade – 1 Strapping, Evil, Fat Long Living Beautiful Black and White Cat (or some facsimile of a cat). I’m fairly sure she has only used up 2 of her 9 lives. She goes by the name of Ruby Sue or sometimes I like to use more fitting names like Bitch! Or Damn it! She recognizes all the names and responds to them all in the same way. If called by any of those names she will do nothing at all. I will trade her for any or all of the following. A running chainsaw, DeWALT cordless drill, a boyfriend, ceiling fan (installed), Electrolux vacuum, in ground swimming pool or remodeled kitchen. With this trade I will also provide extra kitty litter because she poops a lot. The lucky person who trades for this cat will no longer need an alarm clock nor will you need a gun. She will stand outside your bedroom door waiting for you to come out to feed her. If you do not wake in time she will start caterwauling until you wake. If anyone try’s to enter your premises she will pounce on them like a possessed ninja and will not back down.

If you have small children or other animals that you love, this cat is not for you. You must bring your own transportation, I will give her some good drugs before you arrive and I will help you put her in a secure locking box (I will provide this).

References to everything I have described are available upon request.

Big and Famous Organization

2011-08-09T12:36:00.000-07:00

Today I received an email from a man with his resume attached. I have no idea why he sent it to me; I guess my title of Professional Broom Rider sounded important. First let me say that we are not looking to hire anyone, so don’t start sending me resumes, unless you want to send them for my entertainment. This gentleman who sent me the resume is not American and as I glanced over it, I had to wonder if maybe it was a language barrier that caused him to word his resume as he did. I work on a daily basis with people from all over the world and usually they spell things incorrectly but do a good job of communicating in a professional manner. I don’t think it was a language barrier. His objective is to work in a big and famous organization. That one sentence got me. He obviously sent this resume to the wrong place. It was like reading “When I grow up I want to be a Princess and rule all the lands” (yea, I have been watching too much Game of Thrones). Under his education he received a grade of good in the accounting department of Cairo and then finally received a grade of very good in the auditing department of Cairo. I’m sure this is a real grade; it just seemed strange to see this kind of grading system. The last time I saw these types of grades were when Mitchell was in Kindergarten. Under computer skills he has excellent knowledge of Internet explorer. I thought about contacting him and asking him how to get IE9 off of my computer that I accidentally downloaded but then read more and saw that his native language is Arabic. It puts me in a bad mood when I have to call a help desk and can’t understand what they are saying, so I guess I’m stuck with IE9. Then I get to the experience section, and it’s gets a little sketchy. He has experience with altering companies with all sorts of legal laws. As opposed to all sorts of illegal laws, I guess. He reviewed all accounting records and tax and financial statements in accordance with “Egyptian” auditing standards. That makes me wonder what “Egyptian” auditing standards are. He dealt with and controlled all incoming and outgoing messages. So, he must have had caller ID so he could control the incoming calls and decided who got through and who didn’t. His nationality is Egyptian; he is single and exempt from the Military. You all must know who this man is by now. It’s so obvious. It’s Peggy from the Discover Card commercial.

Kasi and Mark July 15, 2011

2011-07-15T07:54:00.001-07:00

Today Kasi Patterson and Mark Payne are getting married. When I introduced them a few years ago it wasn’t a fix up, it was just me and Kasi going out and we ran into Mark, or maybe we were supposed to be meeting him and Jan. I remember saying Kasi, this is my friend Mark and Mark said hi, can I buy you a drink and said a few more things that I will leave out of here. I remember when Mark bought Kasi Victoria’s secret for Christmas and she was a little freaked out about his gift but thoroughly enjoyed the new lingerie. Shortly thereafter I remember Kasi giving me a list of all the reasons that she couldn’t be with Mark because he just wasn’t her type. I remember me and her brother telling her that you can’t fight love. Love doesn’t care about all that stuff and I remember when she finally gave in and quit fighting what she felt and when she did, things were different, they became a couple. The two of you are so lucky to have found each other. I pray that God continues to bless the two of you. I love you both very much and feel blessed to have you in my life.

All I Want Is You

2011-07-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

About 9 years ago I fell in love with a man who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. The song by U2 - All I want is you was the song this man so long ago said reminded him of me, he said all he could think about was me when he heard this song. I haven't thought about him in a very long time. Saturday I went to Nashville with 4 girls and when they picked me up there was someone else with them. A man I had met Wednesday night, he was a friend of one of the girls. Our very own personal bodyguard was driving us. I had no idea he would be going to Nashville with us. U2 was playing in Nashville Saturday night. We didn't see them in concert but knowing they were there flooded my memory with my past. There may have been some chemistry between me and the bodyguard, or maybe it was just the alcohol. Today the bodyguard shared a link to the song that touched my heart so long ago. I never spoke of U2 to anyone. Maybe this song was my six degrees of separation to finding a new friend?

I Miss My Friend

2011-04-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

If you have read any of my earlier posts you will remember some posts about Mr. Shark. Trickster introduced us in the fall of 2006. Although it didn’t work out for us in a relationship, he has been one of my closest friends. He was one of the best “Guy” Girlfriends I could ask for. He is a real manly man and good at talking, maybe a little too good in the talking department. He could talk for hours, I didn’t mind because to be honest he has this unique voice that you just want to hear. Sometime in 2007 he started dating someone and he didn’t come around too much, then we ran into each other at the local Hockey “get your drink on” spot and we started talking again. He has had many girlfriends since our meeting at the Hockey spot but this time he kept in touch with me. He is the one I have to thank for saving me from a long lonely night Christmas of 2009. That was one of the hardest Christmas’s I have gone through in a while. GI Joe was with his father and Queenie was living with Mr. Low Life. The holidays already get me down and being alone just adds to my misery. So there I sat Christmas night in 2009 mascara smeared, nose red and hair a mess from burying my head in a pillow and crying. Someone is knocking on my door at 9:00pm. I can’t imagine this could be anything but bad news. Who comes knocking on my door Christmas night at 9:00pm? It was Mr. Shark. He said he was alone and didn’t want to be. He was hungry and wanted to know if I wanted to go get something to eat with him. I was so happy to see him, I know now that when I was having that pity party with my pillow that God was watching over me and sent an Angel to my rescue. I told him to give me a few minutes to re-apply my make-up and brush my hair. So, off we went in search of something open on Christmas night. We walked into Ruby Tuesday’s only to be greeted with “Sorry we are closing” and who could be upset with that? It’s Christmas night for goodness sakes; everyone should be with family and/or friends. We drove around for a little longer and ended up on South Parkway at Third Base. Who would have thought there would be so many people there? It makes sense though, what goes better together than beer and tears. All of us lonely saps gathered with our own kind that night. We had a really good time hanging out with the other lonely saps. After dinner and a couple of beers Mr. Shark took me home and bid me good night. Thank you God for that Angel on Christmas night. Since then we started talking even more. I would tell him about my problems with men and he would tell me about his problems with women. In 2010 we were as thick as thieves. I really enjoyed that I had a male friend who I could call for help with stuff around the house and also have conversation with. He was the perfect man except he didn’t believe in himself. Sometime in the fall of 2010 he met a woman that he had gone to High School with and from the day her met her it was an on again off again relationship. He called me on Saturday March 5th and told me he was torn about the woman he had been seeing. They had broken up again and he had gone out with another woman. The old girlfriend got wind of this new girl and now she wanted to get back together. The old girlfriend had cheated on Mr. Shark and Mr. Shark confided that he wasn’t entirely over the woman that he had lived with from 2007 – 2009. He told me he was in complete turmoil. I told him not to get in a hurry that things would work themselves out. He also told me that the new woman in his life was jealous of me. I told him that we should meet and then she would see that I was no threat to her. He told me he admired my independence and wished he could be more like me. Then he asked me the strangest question. He asked if I was happy. I lied and told him yes. The reason I did this was because I suspected he wanted to have more than just a friendly relationship with me. I had tried to have a relationship with him before and it didn’t work. As close as we were as friends we had different goals in life and I know from experience that we would be fighting before long. The next Tuesday he posted something on facebook about “Can’t wait till Friday”. I commented and asked if he was going to Daytona Bike Week and he commented back and said it was something crazier than that. We chatted later in the week but he wouldn’t tell me what it was that he was going to do on Friday. On Thursday he posted that he couldn’t wait and didn’t, and attached a picture of his marriage certificate. Mr. Shark got married. I was blown away that on Sunday he was telling me that he wasn’t over the woman he had lived with for 2 years, he had just broken up with the woman he met in the fall of 2010 who had cheated on him and he wondered if he made a mistake by not giving us a chance. He married the woman he met in the fall of 2010, the woman who is threatened by me. I no longer call of text him and he doesn’t call or text me. I don’t want to cause trouble for him and his new bride and I suspect I would considering she feels threatened by me. I miss my friend.

Types of Sex as Defined By the Cake Lady

2010-10-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

Carnival Sex – This is the most desired type of sex (by me) and also the hardest to find. Persons having Carnival Sex may think they are at the Carnival. They could experience the Roller Coaster, Bumper Cars, Cotton Candy, The House of Mirrors and Water Rides. Some even like the swings (not me).

Merry Go Round Sex – This type of sex can be enjoyed by yourself or another person. As with the Merry Go Round, you can ride this by yourself or you may have a partner join you. It gets your heart rate up but you don’t experience all the thrills that you do with Carnival Sex but it is still enjoyable.

Styrofoam Sex – This is the most undesirable type of sex for me. This is also sometimes referred to as a Booty Call. This type of sex is very much like a Styrofoam Cup. Use it then throw it away. Wham Bam Thank You Maam! No Thanks!

My Good Deed For The Day

2010-10-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

This is the first call I received at work this morning.

Good Morning, may I help you?
Is this the Police Department?

No, you have the wrong number.
Do you know the number to the police department?

Yes, It’s 911.
Can you help me?

Ma’am, you have the wrong number.
I called 705-****, isn’t that the police department number?

No Ma’am this is a business.
What am I supposed to do?

Ma’am, are you in danger?
My neighbor is playing his music too loud. I can’t hear my show... I axed him to stop and he turned it up louder. Somebody needs to whoop his scrawny ass.

Are you in Alabama?
Yes, I am.

I think maybe you called the wrong area code, you called area code 256
Do you know what number I should be calling?

The area code is probably 205 or 334
Which one should I call?

Where do you live?
I lives in Opelika

Hang on, let me Google this for you.
Thank you honey, I’m going to miss my show.

I believe the number you are looking for is 334-705-****
Can you transfer me?

No Ma’am, I can’t do that.
Well let me try to call them.

Good Luck!

The Toilet is Fixed!!!!

2010-03-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

I am making progress! Usually when I try to fix something, I either tear up more than I fix or it takes me hours sometimes weeks longer to accomplish my task. Last night it only took me about 1 hour to fix the flush thing on my toilet. It should have taken me 5 minutes. I took the lid off the back of the toilet and saw that the arm that lifted the flapper was broken. It looked like a task that I could accomplish without tears or cursing, so off I went to buy a new arm. I went to Wally World and found exactly what I needed. I knew when I walked in the store, found what I wanted, exactly what I wanted that this was too easy. I should have seen it coming. When I tried to unscrew the back of it, the screw was on so tight, I broke the arm…tears have arrived and small curse words are building in my head. I went back to Wally World and bought a new lifter arm and this time I also bought a pair of slip joint pliers. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t already own this type of pliers. I had needle nose pliers, wire cutter pliers, and way too many of what I think is called adjustable wrenches. What I needed were some slip joint pliers. What I wanted were some vice grip pliers! I settled on the slip joint pliers and whined all the way out the store because I wanted those vice grips but I couldn’t justify spending $2.37 on the lift arm and spending $20.00 on the pliers that had a spring when the $5.00 slip joint would work just fine. I went back home, opened the lift arm from the package and the back came off effortlessly. I didn’t even have to use the pliers. I’m keeping the pliers and putting vice grips on my wish list. I’m sure I’m the only woman with a wish list that contains a pair of vice grips. The toilet flushes perfectly now.

40 Days and 40 Nights

2009-11-17T08:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I got an email from a friend asking how I was feeling. He knew I haven’t been my happy self lately. It really surprised me that he had thought of me. He knew I had not been happy but I never told him what was wrong. Last night when he asked how I was doing, I told him I was really busy which was keeping my mind off of things. He then asked me what kind of things. I told him that the Holiday’s make me blue and that I couldn’t wait for them to be over with. I think for many people this is a time of year that they look forward to. He asked why they made me blue, so I told him that I feel like I’m under pressure to please so many people, plus I have no one to share them with. He reminded me that I have plenty of friends and family and that I didn’t have to please everyone. I told him that it’s really tough when you are expected to be at everyone’s house. More than making appearances here and there is the fact that I do not have a significant other to share the Holiday’s with. I miss waking up in someone’s arms. He said that he understood, and that I came across as such an independent woman that it never crossed his mind that I might want someone to share things with. I am independent but companionship is something that I can’t get by myself. Being independent has its strong points but it also can be very hard. I know some of you that are reading this will agree and understand what I am saying. For those of you who understand what I’m saying, I leave you with this. 40 days till December 26th. Hang in there!

Queenie is at it Again

2009-11-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

Queenie came home last night and announced that she just didn't think college is for her. I asked her what she planned to do and she said she was going to just work. Right now I just want to scream. She is 18 and thinks she knows everything. She said she just doesn't see where college could take her. I tried to reason with her and explain that she could possibly know after 1 semester. I suppose if she were failing the classes, I might understand her thinking. But she isn't failing. In fact she is making good grades. At first I told her to get out of the house effective immediately. Then I calmed down and tried to reason with her. I asked her to give it at least 1 year. I'm hoping that after 1 year she can see some sort of future other than the one she sees right now. It's hard letting go and letting kids make their own decisions. Queenie said she would give this some thought. I told her what ever she decides that I will love her, and she is welcome in my house anytime. I also told her that I would not enable her in making mistakes. If she decides not to enroll next semester then she will have to move out. It's killing me to know that she might make the wrong decision and by wrong, I mean not enrolling for next semester of college.

She Asked If I Married My Best Friend

2009-10-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

Last night Queenie caught me off guard. She asked me if I married my best friend when I married her father. I wasn't sure how to answer the question. I have been divorced for 7 years now and it was hard for me to remember back when I actually liked her father much less loved him. I thought about it for a bit and told her NO - I didn't marry my best friend, I married my only friend. When I married her father I was looking for something that I was missing in my own life. God has since blessed me with many friends. If I ever marry again, I am sure that I will marry my best friend. That may be why I have been single for 7 years.

Today's Horrorscope and my Thoughts

2009-09-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

Love (easy to find, hard to keep), relationships (many different kinds), beauty (only after I put on mascara), and pleasure (Yes - Cake Lady has been pleasured a lot lately but that hasn't made me happy) are emphasized now. A new romance or friendship may occur or an old or current one may take a turn for the better (This is a bid weird because just in the last 2 days or so the Cherokee has been contacting me. I'm not going down that path again. So I wonder if it's Mr Army Man who I might be making friends with. I would like that. I am certain I will miss him when he is gone). You feel especially attractive or friendly (Well yea, new mascara and a bottle of wine. Like I say...Drink more, I will look better), and the warmth you radiate is noticed and appreciated by others in contact with you. (My co-worker just came in and told me to turn off my space heater, (I guess I was radiating too much warmth)

What's wrong with me?

2009-09-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

Something is wrong. It’s been a very long time since I have felt this way. Possibly it’s the fact that I’m turning 50 in January. I was Ok when I turned 40 and every birthday since then, but somehow this time it bothers me. Maybe it’s because I’m still alone. I know I’m alone because it’s my choice but I’m not going to settle. I really thought I had found what I was looking for with the Cherokee but life dealt us new cards and I folded.
I’m hoping if I start back blogging that I can let some of these emotions out on paper and then I will be able to figure out what’s missing in my life or what’s wrong with me and I will be able to stop crying for no reason.

So You Think You Can Dance!

2009-06-09T10:04:00.000-07:00

About 20 years ago my sister Norma Jean persuaded me to take a Wilton Cake Decorating class with her. She was and still is the type that would prefer to make a birthday cake as apposed to buying one from the sacred beloved bakery. It’s no secret how much I love cake, but I hate to bake. I am certain God created the bakery just for my benefit. I took the 8 wk class with her thinking if I actually knew what I was doing that I would like it better. WRONG! My cakes were the ugliest, worst tasting creations ever eaten. Anyone out there thinking of becoming a food network star, don’t worry about me. I’m one less competition for you. It took everything I had to finish that class but I did it. Every week I walked in and started watching the clock, counting the minutes till I was free of the cake Hell. Take note: This is probably the only post that you will ever hear me associate cake and Hell in the same sentence. You are probably wondering what cake decorating has to do with dance, aren’t you? Well, here it is.

My dear friend Melody teaches a Hip Hop class. She has been after me for years to take her class but I always found other things more important to do, after all I can dance or thought I could. I usually listen to 95.1 when I’m listening to the radio but when I’m in the car with Queenie as a compromise we listen to 104.3 which plays more of the top 40 as apposed to the rock that 95.1 plays. While listening to 104.3 one day I heard the song “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) by Beyoncé”. I loved the song! Queenie said the video was even better so I looked it up on YouTube and she was right. The video was great. It had me jumping around and in an all around peppy mood. I asked Melody if she would teach me this dance and she said if I would take her class she would teach me a few of the moves, so I signed up for the 6 week long Hip Hop class on Monday nights. I was so excited till my first class last night. I got there, walked in and everyone was wearing really super cool dance leotards and some even had those special dance shoes. I thought I looked pretty special too, after all I was wearing my Kid Rock special addition cover of the Rolling Stones T-shirt and my sky blue silky shorts. I didn’t let those girls intimidate me with their dance outfits. I was there to dance, not model. Melody came in and called roll and as I suspected most of the girls there had taken dance for several years and just wanted to get back into it or they were currently taking other dance classes. I think there was only 3 of us that had no professional dance experience. We started with the warm up and I felt pretty good. I could touch my toes and most of the other stuff too. I was doing OK with the warm up and stretching then it came time to get down to it. I can dance or thought I could till last night. When it comes to dancing in a choreographed routine, I just plain SUCK! There is a big joke between me and Melody regarding something called a Jazz Square. We once took a Jazzercise class together and every time it came to that damn Jazz Square I managed to get my feet tangled up and fall. I have no coordination. Last night it was the Jazz Square/Cake decorating class relived. The whole time I was fighting back tears and the urge to run away from that place. I kept repeating to myself “I will not quit”, “I will not quit”, “I will not quit” and I’m not. I will learn this Hip Hop thing if I have to repeat the class! I’m also going to find a video camera and film Melody so I can practice at home, after all I do love to dance!

Strange Combinations

2009-02-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

Is it just here in Alabama or does the other States offer these seemingly strange combinations? Here you can tan, rent a video and buy fishing tackle all in the same building. You can go get your Birth control pill and register to vote at the same time. I see this sort of thinking as smart thinking.

Many moons ago before I wanted to have children I used the Birth control pill to prevent pregnancy. I was very poor so I went to planned parenthood to get my pills. They based the price on your income or lack of in my case. After I had been married a couple of years we decided to go off the pill and have a baby. I can’t believe how naive I was then. We waited 3 months to let the pill get out of my system before actually letting the gates open. At the time I was the Clinique counter manager at a department store in the mall. My two closest friends worked with me. Melody worked as counter manager for Lancôme and Teresa worked for Estee Lauder. The three of us were a team. We proclaimed ourselves as the most beautiful women. Every day we came to work we tried a new lipstick, looked in the mirror, blew ourselves a kiss and said “You are the most beautiful woman” (I still do that). Teresa was a few years older, already had children and much wiser. She was the one who told me to wear a bra with more support because one day the twins would not salute the sun but hang in despair. I really wish I had listened to her. I posed as Melody’s stand in Mother. She needed someone to write “L E T T E R S” for her. That’s how I wrote, I said every word as I wrote it down and didn’t finish the word in my mouth till it was on paper. It drove her crazy. I also liked to take the phone book away from her if she didn’t find the number quick enough. The day I did that was the day we became fast friends. I also pointed out that if her battery in her calculator/check book register ever died she wouldn’t know her balance in her check book. And sure enough about 1 week or so later it happened, the battery died in her checkbook register calculator and she had no idea what her balance was. I called the bank and took care of things. I also instructed her to take her car to K-Mart for a new battery instead of taking it the Chevron gas station. If I could do this well managing Melody then surely I could be a mother. Several months after I quit taking the pill I came to work feeling the best I had ever felt except that my boobie’s hurt. Teresa was certain that I was pregnant and insisted that I go and have a test done. I was certain I was not pregnant because we only had unprotected sex 1 time. So, off we went during our lunch hour to Planned Parenthood to have a test. I checked in and while we were waiting for me to be called back, Melody and Teresa found that they could register to vote at Planned Parenthood. Who would have guessed???. The nurse took me back to the room and asked all the pertinent questions. I told her that my boobies hurt so bad that surely my period was going to be horrible. A few minutes later the nurse came back and said to me “you are not going to have a horrible period”. I asked her how she knew that and she said because I was going to have a baby. I stood there not understanding what she had said. Then it hit me and when it did, it hit me hard. It scared me so that I screamed. I screamed loudly. Melody and Teresa came running from the waiting room to find me. They thought something was wrong with me as did all the nurses because they came running too. Apparently most of the screams that they heard were not joyous screams. I was happy and scared. I was shaking so badly that I could not write out the check to pay for the test. Teresa had to write the check for me. That was another day in my life that I will never forget and feel so blessed to have shared it with Melody and Teresa. That was about 19 years ago. I hadn’t thought about that day in a while. Melody reminded me of it the other day so decided to write about it before dementia or Alzheimer’s set in. This was the day that I found out I was pregnant with Queenie and Melody and Teresa registered to vote! What a day!

Pathetic or Desperate?

2009-01-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

Today I was giving a good friend some advice and defining the difference in desperate and pathetic. There is a fine line. Can you tell the difference?

Today a co-worker had some errands to do but was really busy at work. I was going out during lunch and I volunteered to take her husbands watches and get batteries put in them. She said to take them to Alexander’s jewelry or Donnie’s Diamond gallery. I had never been to Donnie’s before so decided to take them there. While they were working on the watches I decided to peruse the Sapphire selection. Cake Lady just loves Sapphires. I have always thought if I were to ever marry again that I didn’t want a traditional wedding band. I envisioned a wedding band similar to anniversary band, with Sapphires surrounded by diamonds. I was not looking for a wedding band and I spotted the ring of my dreams. It is exactly what I had envisioned. Problem is I’m not getting married. I explained this to the salesman and he insisted that if I bought the ring in advance that it would be good luck and I would surely find a husband soon. What a salesman!!! I told him that would not work because marriage is not in my future or at least the near future. I told him that I didn’t want to wear anything on my left hand that looked like a wedding band unless I was actually married. He tried a few other angles but I finally told him I was just not going to buy something unless I would be wearing it.

When I brought the watches in I had my keys in my hand and laid them on the glass counter along with the watches. He put the watches in a baggy and handed me my keys. I thanked him and left. I got in the car and tried to put the keys in the ignition and I couldn’t get them to work. I looked to make sure I had the correct key and it appeared that I did, so I tried again. Still it wouldn’t work. I raised the keys and looked at them and realized these are not my keys. Inside joke but this is the second time in 2 weeks that I have ended up with a wrong set of keys. I took them back in and the salesman laughed and pulled my keys out of his pocket. I am not entirely certain that he didn’t do this on purpose. Possibly he was not going to let me leave until I bought that ring. Cake Lady's definition of pathetic: Buying a ring that looks like a wedding band that I won’t wear because I’m not married. Oh and no chance I will get that ring, even if I rationalized wearing it. It cost $2200.00

Where Did it Come From?

2008-07-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

The big day had arrived. For months GI Joe and I had been looking forward to seeing the Blue Angels at the air show in Huntsville. When we got there the sky was partly cloudy. I changed into my tennis shoes because we had to walk a long way to the gate. I debated about taking my umbrella and decided since it was a small tote umbrella that I would take it just in case. Just as we arrived at the gates it started to rain. It wasn’t a hard rain but it was rain just the same. Lots of people wear leaving because of the rain, because the other people were leaving GI Joe and I were able to get closer to the front than what I had expected. Within seconds the light rain turned violent. My umbrella was useless so I closed it. As I closed my umbrella I saw the tents that had been set up for the VIP’s being torn apart by the wind and the metal poles that were holding the tents were pulled up. The poles were twirling around in the sky like a baton. I honestly thought we were going to die. GI Joe saw people being hit with the flying debris and screamed run. We started running, but didn’t know where to run. All we could think to do was to get out of the path of the flying debris. We were in Tornado ally, nothing but flat land and a lot of cars around. Where did this come from? This was supposed to be a day of fun. We ran till we got behind a large SUV and took cover there. At that time my 13 year old son put his arm around me and kept saying “just be calm Mama, it will be OK”. Even in my panic it occurred to me that my young son was acting like a man. How very proud I am of that. Within a few minutes it all stopped and the sun was shining. I learned later that it was a micro burst and not a Tornado. I also learned just how lucky we were. 12 people were injured and 1 young boy died. As I think about my own son and the courage he showed, my heart goes out to this family that lost their son.

I can't figure out how to add this video, so I just added this link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaTP85RvK4I

Panty Advice!

2008-06-13T07:36:00.001-07:00

Good Morning Boys and Girls! Good Ole Cake Lady wants to share her new found knowledge concerning spare panties. Always keep a pair of panties in the back of your panty drawer because you never know when you are going to wake up and every pair of panties that you own are in your dryer that no longer works. Not too long ago over the course of about a year, I lost a lot of weight. Since I couldn’t afford to reward myself with a trip to some exotic island I decided to do the next best thing. I threw away every pair of white granny panty that I had and replaced them with the pretty colored panties from Victoria’s Secret. I vowed never to wear a pair of white panties again. So if you ever see me in a white skirt or white pants and it looks like a rainbow on my tail, it probably is and I know it’s there. When switching to the VS panties, I also decided that if any of them begin to fade in color, that they must be replaced. I decided that I need 12 pair of panties, an even dozen seemed plenty to me. Yesterday I put on my last pair of clean panties and put all the rest of them in the wash. Before I went to bed, I put them in the dryer and turned it on. This morning I get up, go to the dryer for the clean panties and guess what? All of my clothes are still wet. I’m thinking maybe I got distracted and forgot to turn the dryer on. I push the button to start the dryer and nothing happens. I check to make sure the door is shut and it is. Next I check the breaker box and all switches are where they are supposed to be and I even flip them for good measure. Still nothing happens. Now I have 2 problems. No, make that 3 problems. I have no dry panties to wear to work. I am going out of town and I have no dry panties to take with me and my dryer is broken. I have to call work and tell them I will be late because I have to dry my panties. That got a good laugh. In case you don’t know, it takes about 10 – 15 minutes to dry pretty colored cotton panties with the blow dryer. I had to get the rest of the clothes dry because I am leaving to go out of town right after work and was afraid the clothes would sour if I left them in the dryer over the weekend. So, I take the rest of the clothes (minus 3 pair of wet panties) to my friend’s house and put them in her dryer. She has no idea I was even there. She was still asleep. I wish I could see the look on her face when she opens her dryer and finds someone else’s clothes in there. I took 3 pair of panties and I laid them on top of my suitcase in the trunk of the car so that they can dry. Isn’t that how everyone dries their panties? Anyway, a dozen is not enough. Go for the bakers dozen and keep #13 hidden in the back of the drawer in case your dryer stops working when you need it most.

How Many Days Left Till School Starts Again?

2008-06-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

Picture this. Before I went to bed last night I remind #1 son that he is not allowed to have any company in the house while I am at work tomorrow. I ask him to repeat what I said and he does. Seems pretty clear to me that #1 son understands my instructions. Any of you folks out there that have children know that God blesses you with a 7th sense, you know that nagging feeling that someone is up to no good. That 7th sense kicked in today when I had not received the normal 230 – 271 calls that I get when he is at home by himself. I decided to go home for lunch and see what was going on. I arrived about 1:15 and saw several bikes parked at the back of my driveway (none belonging to #1 son). I walked to the back of the house hoping to find the owners of the bikes in my backyard but no luck. As soon as I stepped in the door, I hear what sounds like a heard of horses trying to get back with the rest of the pack. One unknown voice shouts “GI Joe – your mother is here”. I hear more tripping and loud whispers then out pops #1 son from his bedroom and he is trying to shut his bedroom door but can’t. He is biting his nails and his eyes are wide as saucers. He try’s to be upbeat and says in the most cheerful voice “Hey Mom, what are you doing home? I thought you got off work at 5?. I remind him that I had reminded him last night that he was not to have anyone in the house while I was gone. He is lucky that I can control my anger because his response nearly had me to throttle him. He says “Oh I forgot” to which I called Bullshit, you just got caught. I tell the boys to leave and they promptly do while never taking their eyes off of me. I know they thought I was going to start beating some ass right there on the spot. I ask #1 son what all the commotion was in his room and he tells me that when I came home he just remembered that he was not supposed to have anyone over so he was trying to get them out the window before I got to his room. Did he really think he would get away with this? Is it a boy thing to just dig a hole deeper an deeper??? Oh and if him lying and then trying to cover it up was not enough, he calls me when I get back to work and asks if he can spend the night with someone to which I reply “NO” and he has the nerve to ask why!! I told him he could not spend the night with anyone because he lied and then tried to cover up his lie, he started to argue and I just hung up. What a fun summer this is going to be! HOW MANY DAYS TILL SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN?????

Another Trip On The Canoe

2008-05-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

I spent another great weekend with the Cherokee this past weekend. The weekend for the most part was fun, wild, and also scary. The good stuff I speak of are things like just having him near me, his touch and helping him get his house set up was easy but there were a couple of things that I found myself questioning. Friday night we shared some cocktails and I probably had a few too many. No, let me rephrase that. There was no probably, I had too many cocktails. We were laughing and having fun and I thought all was good, then I went to the bathroom and when I came out the Cherokee was sitting in the floor. I laughed and asked him why he was in the floor and he said that I had hit him. I thought he was kidding but he assured me that he was not kidding. As I said I had a few too many cocktails and I had no recollection of doing this. I was happy so I couldn’t imagine what would possess me to hit him. He said it wasn’t in the face but more in the chest. Since I don’t remember it, all I can figure is that it was a playful hit. But what bothers me more than not remembering me hitting him is his reaction to it. Why didn’t he just say hey Carol, why did you hit me? But instead he withdrew. I am not perfect but I do have fairly good communication skills. I am really worried that this is the norm for him to withdraw instead of talking about it. I fear I will pay for something that happened in a past relationship. No one is perfect and that includes yours truly but I have learned from my mistakes and one thing that I learned in a relationship that communication is the key to a good relationship, even if the things you communicate about are not so nice.

The other thing that bothered me is his ex-girlfriend. I am such a logical person in every thing that I do. So much so that my logical personality sometimes makes things harder for me than what they should be. I know every thing is not black and white and I have a hard time imagining that there could be grey. I mean if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then logic tells me it’s duck. For this one I am going to trust that what I see is not a duck. Maybe it’s a fox trying to disguise its self as a duck. In a nutshell this girl keeps calling and I honestly do not believe he is still seeing her but I also have a hard time understanding why she keeps calling. He doesn’t answer her calls when I am there but logic tells me that if she keeps calling then he must be talking to her when I’m not around, and I don’t have a problem with that. It’s because he doesn’t answer her calls when I’m there that bothers me. It makes me feel like he is hiding something from me. My heart tells me he isn’t but logic tells me he is. This is truly new territory for me.

The Cherokee

2008-04-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

I just got home from a weekend with “The Cherokee”. I had met him for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Before I met him we had spoke several times on the phone and talked via emails. Because he lives about 3 hours away, I expected to meet him and make a new friend and I did, but the other things that happened caught me off guard and I am having a hard time dealing with it. I am a very spiritual person and by that I don’t necessarily mean just with God. I believe there are many spirits in this world both good and bad. For the most part I have been blessed with the good spirits. When I met the Cherokee for the 1st time it was cold, rainy and dreary and I am not a rainy day kind of gal. I was so worried about what I would do with him for the afternoon. I just knew I would be bored to tears but that was not the case, actually it was far from it. He had mentioned playing UNO when talking to me before I went to meet him and I said I didn’t think it could be done with just two people. He took the time to buy the cards and guess what? You can play UNO with 2 people. We played UNO and talked and as boring as it sounds, I had a great time. I know you are thinking “big deal”, well to me it was a big deal. For too long I have put myself last and it felt good for someone to consider me. He also bought me wine, and put it in the fridge. I had to laugh at that because he bought Cabernet. I was still very much impressed that he listened to me when we had talked previously. I could speak to him about anything. I even told him I didn’t like his air freshener in his truck and he took it out. He laughed and said his son hates it too. For me vanilla just smells too sweet. I guess the scent of Gardenia for a man’s vehicle is just too girly. He took me to lunch later that day and after lunch he finally kissed me. The first kiss was OK but nothing earth shattering. The second kiss caught me off guard and was different. This kiss nearly made me stop breathing. I am glad we were inside instead of outside where it was windy because if the wind blew on me at the moment, I would have fallen to the ground.

Two weeks later we got together again. He took me to his family reunion. Not only did I get to meet his extended family but I also met his youngest son. I feel blessed to have been included in that weekend. I felt very comfortable with his family; it was just like being with my own. During that weekend as we lay in bed, he did something that reached right into my soul and tugged at my very existence. He must have sensed that I was uncomfortable, then he called me by name, not hey baby or sweetie but Carol. He asked me to look at him and when I did, he asked me if I trusted him and I said yes, then he said I will never do anything to hurt you. There was something about that moment that made me feel like I was surrounded by a spirit of some sort. It was electrifying.

When I left to come home the next day I was filled with sadness because I knew because of the distance that he would eventually find another person to share his life with. Then as I listening to some music I realized that I shouldn’t be sad but rather be happy for what I had experienced. I had experienced the tenderness of one good man and can only be happy about that. Who knows what will happen for us in the future but for now I will enjoy what life gives to me, even if it is for a short period.

The Letter Game

2008-04-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

Here are the rules: Write ten words beginning with that letter in your blog, including an explanation of why you chose it.

Kelwhy chose "K" because it's the first letter of her name, so I think it's only appropriate that I do the same. So I will use "C"

10 Words that begin with the letter "C"

Cunt - I hate this word. It is the vilest word I can think of. Well maybe rape is more vile but you hear rape all the time but cunt is not something you hear too often. I think that is why the movie Atonement was nominated for so many awards. It used the word Cunt in the beginning and it was even spelled out in black and white. It set the tone for the movie. Oh and I didn't really care for the movie.

Catfish - I chose this word because I am reminded of a time about 5 years ago that I went fishing with my Dad on Fathers Day. We were out on the lake all day and I am the only one that caught anything. It was a nice one too. My Dad loves telling that story even if he didn't catch anything. I have the picture to prove it. Me and my 8 pound catfish! .
Children - Gods most precious gift to us and also the thing that makes us crazy. I believe this happens because of all the hormones that are put in food to make it grow faster. The food hormones that our children consume when they eat gets absorbed into them and it causes them to mutate into something that we can no longer recognize. They look like they belong to us but you are constantly questioning "Who is this child"?
Chapters - Those are our beginning's and our endings. Sometimes our chapters are interesting and you want to tell everyone to read with me, it's a great life. Then you finish that chapter and begin a new one and sometimes the new one is ugly and you don't want to be there but you trudge on because you know this chapter will eventually end and another will start and you can only hope for another good chapter.
Canoodle - It's fun to say and It's fun to do. Just thinking about it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
Cake - Never pass up the opportunity for celebration cake. If a person is celebrating something and they ask you to celebrate with them, have a bite of cake. What ever they are celebrating will only happen that one time. If it's a birthday, what ever age they are turning will only happen once. Be happy and honored that you were asked to be a part of that celebration.
Cayman Islands - Because there is sand, ocean and sun.
Candles - They can set a romantic mood, they illuminate a dark room, they can keep you warm, they can smell good, they calm me when I sit and watch the flame flicker.
Circles - I don't like them. They take you no where. I like lines.
Colors - The choices are endless. I like to wear pink. I want to be surrounded in blue. When I see yellow I feel happy. My eyes are Green. Red is a great accent color for my house.

Beware of the Sharks!

2008-03-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. Several of you dear readers have sent me e-mails asking where I have been. Well, I have been to Hell and back and still making short trips to Hell. I haven't had a lot of good things to talk about so I just don't talk at all. Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, the sharks attack. Or in this case the Shark is Queenie and the water is Life. I know the things that are going on will pass but until they do, I will be trying to survive these vicious attacks. Oh, and if the shark attack is not bad enough there is the whale that's trying to swallow the shark so I have to save the shark. Damn if I do and damn if I don't. I feel very tired.

There are a couple of good things that have happened since I last signed on. A very good friend of mine opened a new Italian restaurant www.tortoras.com and I have been helping him out. I really enjoy this job. It pays real money and I get to actually be around people. I met 2 world pizza champions; Joe Carlucci and Tony Gemignani. You can watch them in action April 02, 2008 12:00 PM ET/PT.

I was accosted by a German Kissing bandit one night. I don't think I need to tell you what happened. OK, I'll tell. He kissed me. I had never laid eyes on this guy before. I was walking out of an establishment and he laid one on me. OK, yes I kissed him back.

I hope to be back to my usuall fun self soon.
Take Care!
The Cake Lady

Dating Advice From Queenie

2008-02-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was fooling around on the Internet and ran across this little test that asked "Are you too picky when it comes to men"?. Well, I already knew the answer but was curious if the test agreed with me. I took the test and it came out pretty much like I expected it to, and I sent the test and my results to a bunch of my friends. Queenie was all over this. Below is the test results and her advice. I don’t agree with them all but they sure made me laugh and I am still laughting today when I read these.

Are You Too Picky When It Comes To Men?
Result:
You Are Picky When it Counts........
Like most sane women, you want a great guy who will treat you well.
But you're also willing to put up with a few flaws in your Mr. Right
You should congratulate yourself on having a realistic approach to dating.
You probably have quite a few great guys you can date!........

Queenie's Response:
Yep, so true. Your standards are way too high. I’ve taken the liberty of listing what you need to look for in a man.

Male
Full head of dark hair
Smart, but dumber than you
Tall
Likes to travel
Makes a lot of money
Auburn Fan
In shape, no beer gut
No kids
Will NOT insist on being a gentleman and walking you to the car on the first date.
Can entertain himself, because after all he can’t expect you to keep him entertained when you can barely keep yourself entertained.
Knows how to have a good time
Speaks Carol
Non-Liberal
Can make you laugh
Can watch a chick flick
Prefers wine over beer
Fords over Chevy’s
Good Teeth
Clean
Clean feet, no nasty toe nails
No back hair
Can give good massages
Has patience
Many more but will stop here

Now see Mom, we live in Huntsville, AL. not all of these are possible.
Lower your standards cuz you’re not gonna live with me when you get old.

Brave or Weak?

2008-02-21T09:15:00.000-08:00

Last week on Valentine’s day I took myself to dinner as I do so many times. I have become accustomed to dining alone. I go to the places that I can eat at the bar, that way I blend in with the rest of the people and don’t feel like I have a big neon sign on my head that say’s “She is alone”. On this particular occasion I ran into a friend who I had not seen in a while. She invited me to have dinner with her and her husband and I did. It wasn’t long before I noticed tension between the two of them. This tension surprised me because they have not been married that long. When he excused himself to go to the Men’s room, she confided in me something that really threw me for a loop. She said to me “I am such a horrible person”. I asked her why she thought she was a horrible person and she told me that she had married this man because she needed security for her children. I told her that I thought she was brave and meant it. When I told her this, I wasn’t just saying it to make her feel better. I really did see her as brave and I saw myself as weak. I have been divorced for almost 6 years and always seem to be attracted to the men who are what I consider safe. You know the one’s that live so far away that you can’t commit, or the one’s that you know from the beginning that are fun but don’t want a family. Those types seemed like the ideal boyfriends. I thought I could have a boyfriend every other week but I didn’t count on them not wanting ME every other week. I think I have turned down as many dates as I have gone on, just because I knew from the beginning that they were looking for a long term relationship.

I am not writing this because I plan to change anything. If anything, maybe I have decided that I am not weak, I am brave to protect my children and myself.

What is your idea of bravery?

Buckle Up!

2008-01-31T11:22:00.000-08:00

I never write much about work and I suppose it's because I like what I do and it would be boring for most folks and after 5pm, I leave it at the office. There have been some changes around the office that I just don't think I will ever get used to, so I feel compelled to tell someone about it. Back in November our office moved to a new location. Our new location is centrally located and it is decor looks like a picture out of Southern Living magazine. I have to hand it to my boss; his thinking is that we spend so much time at the office that we should be comfortable. He even went so far as to put in the top of the line toilets. This brings me to my point. I have never sat on a toilet and looked for the seat belts before but I'm looking for some on these. These toilets have the most powerful flush. Here comes the TMI. I have never thought about this before but I suppose we all use the toilet in the same manner. Sit, do your business, wipe, stand and zip then flush. That is exactly how I used to do it. The first time I flushed the toilet, it sounded like a damn jet engine was taking off. It scared me so bad that I jumped back and hit my head against the bathroom door. After I composed myself, I did a second flush to make sure there was nothing wrong with our new potty. It did the same thing. I jumped again but this time was sort of expecting it so I didn't fall into the wall trying to get away from what surely was going to explode. I never did get used to all this noise so I decided to try something new. Now when I use the potty I sit, do my business, wipe but do not get up before I flush. I sit when I flush, and I have to say it is quite an experience. It's almost like a bidet except with air and not water. It's been almost 2 months now and I have still not gotten used to air blowing up my lower orifices. I must admit though, it is a bit refreshing sometimes. There is just nothing like cold gail force winds blowing up your ass.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2008-01-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to

Happy Birthday Dear

Happy Birthday to Me!

A Look Back at 2007

2008-01-16T06:46:00.000-08:00

So many things have happened in 2007 and since I started this blog in 2006. I haven’t been writing much because I have felt overwhelmed and then a friend of mine wrote something that inspired me. My friend Mildred started a blog that you will not see on here but it’s a blog just the same. He wrote that he had started a blog and trashed it and started again and trashed it, and then he said he remembered why he started writing blogs in the first place. He was writing for him. This was his therapy. And then it hit me. I started writing blogs for the same reasons. For those bloggies that have taken the time to visit me, you know that I have not written a lot lately. I have felt so overwhelmed that I have become withdrawn from more than the blogger world. I know that it started around the 1st of November and it continued through Christmas. Here it is January 16th and I do feel a bit better but I’m not completely over it. I don’t think the reasons for my withdrawal from the world are important, at least not in this blog. The main thing is that I’m feeling better and am reminded that like Mildred this is for me. In remembering that it becomes easier to write.

I think one of the most important things that happened to me in 2007 was that I made new friends and became closer with some that I already had.

I had 3 relationships in 2007. I continue to see the White Russian and we become closer everyday. I met Mr. Mustang in December of 2006 and on my Birthday January 21st we became more than friends. Although that relationship didn’t last the friendship did. I tried to be a “Lover” to Mr. Italy and it was fun at the time but I know now that a lover is not what I want. We too have remained friends.

Aunt J and I have known each other since our early 20’s. We didn’t really start hanging out till about 5 years ago and in this past year because we are both single we have clung to each other. She has introduced me to some of her friends and I can now call Playboy and HP my friends. Trick, I’m so happy for you and the Old Man. I would rather be grilling naked at home than out drinking and dancing in the bars. I have known Mildred for about 5 years and it’s only in the last year that we have become like sisters, hence the reason for the alias Mildred.

I met Mr. Drama Battalion, The Chicken Lady, Princess and several others that make me feel comfortable enough to share my thoughts, drinks and smiles with.

I still have some of the dearest friends a woman can ask for. Jewels & Hubby, Jo Jo, Trick & The Old Man, Bull and Mully and Jazz Square, I Love You!

I had the pleasure of meeting and sharing drinks and dinner with one of my fellow bloggie buddies. Sugar Daddy, you are a sweetheart. I haven’t met any of the others but for those of you that are on my blog list then you got there for something more than HNT.

I have gotten stronger when it comes to standing up to Asshole.

I have become closer with my children, Queenie in particular.

I have learned that I can’t fix everything. I can lend an ear, a shoulder or even money but I can’t fix it.

I have learned that it’s Ok to ask for help and if I make a mistake, true friends will forgive.

In closing, I have become a stronger woman because of the lessons that I have learned, the friends that I have grown closer to and the new friends that I have made.

Pish Posh

2008-01-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

I just love saying those words "Pish Posh". I don't know why but I do. What do you think they mean? I think it means "Bull Shit" and so as I try to set a good example for Queenie and GI Joe, I say Pish Posh. A few things that make me say Pish Posh...

Queenie doesn't want a RFCU debit card because it says empower on it. WTF??? She had a Regions debit card but it seems they cancelled her card because even though she had money in the bank, it was not available till after 2:00pm. Pish Posh Queenie! Who gives a rat’s ass if the debit card has the word empower on it? Get over it!
Asshole got mad because I didn't alert him that Queenie got slugged at a Hockey game. What could he do about it? Nothing? He doesn't even come to the games. I myself didn't realize how bad it was till the next day when her cheek turned black and blue. Side note here folks....is a free Jersey really so important that you have to get violent with the girls that are giving them out? Pish Posh for sure!
To those people who boycotted "The Golden Compass" I say Pish Posh! Get real, it's just fantasy. Great movie!!!
Pish Posh on primary elections. It's cool if all the States held a primary election on the same day but just who says the good folks of New Hampshire know anything more than us good folk down here in the South or anywhere else for that matter. I guess what really urks me is that people want to vote for winners and when New Hampshire has a primary and declares winners then too many people will want to vote for a winner and not really think about what they are doing. Pish Posh for sure!

I really don't have a lot to say here today. I am slowly getting out of my funk. Thank God the holidays are over. Next year I might just skip town that way I don't have to pretend that I'm happy. I didn't succeed in fooling anyone this year.

I couldn't cancel Christmas so there is no use trying to cancel my upcoming big 48, so instead I will embrace it. I'm inviting everyone I know to dinner. Not to worry Trick, I'm not cooking. We will all go out where someone will cook for us.

Pish Posh Everyone!
Hugs and Kisses Too!

Dreams or Real Life?

2007-12-29T17:33:00.000-08:00

I am having those dreams again. The kinds of dreams that can’t be distinguished between real life and sleep dreams. When I awoke this morning my chest was pounding, my heart was racing and I couldn’t catch my breath. I laid in bed for a long time trying to rationalize what was happening to me. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. I laid in bed for 2 hours reliving and thinking about my thoughts or dreams or was it real? It took me about 2 hours to finally realize that it was just a dream. I think to most people what I had dreamed would not be a big deal because what was causing me such stress is heard all the time. I dreamed I took the Lords name in vain. I have only done this a few times and when I say a few times I can count them on 1 hand. Last night I went to sleep angry with one of my sisters. I awoke reliving a dream. The shame that I felt was unbearable and I truly believe that it is why I was having all the physical reactions. I don’t claim to be a Christian 100 percent of the time but believe it or not, I do try. I know God forgives but I can’t seem to forgive myself, not even for a dream. In my dream I was very angry with one of my sisters and not only did I take the Lords name in vain but I wrestled her to the ground and was trying to physically hurt her. Most of the day my body felt strange and emotionally drained from this dream. I have always heard that when you dream you are falling that you will wake up before you hit the ground or you will die. Does that apply to morals in a dream too?

Only 5 More Days

2007-12-20T11:16:00.000-08:00

If my math is correct there is only 5 days left till Christmas. Someone should probably check me on the math because I have been know just recently to make a mistake in the math department. So many of you have sent me personal notes asking where I am. I'm still around, I just haven't felt the Holiday spirit. Although last weekend I did feel some sort of spirit. Aunt J, Play boy and myself went to our favorite watering hole for some Holiday Cheer. I looked up at the bar and there sat Mr. Drama looking all sophisticated, chatting it up with the Chicken Lady. What I saw him do caused me to have flashbacks from the eighties. It was weird seeing someone smoke hash at the bar. Just Kidding folks, no one was smoking hash but what I saw did cause me to think about something I have not thought of in years. Yes, the Cake Lady in her younger years partook in the evils of illegal drugs. Mr. Drama was smoking his stogies and drinking something from a Brandy snifter. Then I watched him blow the smoke from his stogie into the glass and handed it to the Chicken Lady and she breathed it in. Wow - did that take me back. Very weird indeed. I asked what they were doing and apparently this ritual is quite normal to the stogie smoking world. I think it even had a name but if it does, I don't remember the name. He asked if I wanted to breath this stuff and I declined. I asked what he was drinking and I tried a sip. Mr. Drama turned me on to a Ski Lodge (I think). It was really warm and yummy good. Then someone mentioned a Quaalude. Again I thought I was back in the eighties but it turns out there is a drink called a Quaalude and yes, I had to try that too. I'm glad that I gave all that stuff up.

I want to wish everyone of you a very Merry Christmas. May you be blessed with whatever it is that you need to keep your sanity intact. I suggest a Ski Lodge and a Quaalude.

May God Bless you all!
Love,
The Cake Lady

Queenie Has a Heart

2007-12-06T15:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I talked about Queenie. Primarily because when I speak to/of her lately my blood boils. Any of you out there with a 16 year old daughter know what I am talking about. Well, Queenie surprised me the other day. It turns out that Queenie has a heart after all. The sister of one of her friends was diagnosed with Fanconi Anemia a form of Leukemia.

Queenie wanted to be tested to become a bone marrow donor. I told her that I would look into it and I did. If you have been looking for me lately you know that I haven't been around. I have been beyond busy. I finally did get around to looking into what was involved in being tested and if a match, what the procedure is for donating marrow. It took me about 2 weeks to get around to doing this and during that time her friend and the rest of his family got tested to see if they were a match to donate their bone marrow. When they got the results back they were devastated to find that not only their daughter has Fanconi Anemia but her brother does too (Queenie's friend). It turns out that Queenie is not old enough to be tested. You have to be 18. Even though she can't do this, it makes me very proud of her for wanting to help.

Wake me When it's Over

2007-11-22T12:14:00.000-08:00

Wake me when it's over. I wish that I could say that I love this time of year. I could say it but it wouldn't be true. This whole season just depresses me. The turning leaves, the cold dreary weather, the freaking Christmas Carol's that started before Halloween, the short days, trying to find the perfect gift for someone. It makes me depressed just to write this. So, I will borrow an idea from Chuck and tell you what I am thankful for.

I am Thankful for....

The care package that my Mother brought me last week. It's a little zipper bag and contains the basics medical supplies.

I am thankful for the tanning bed.

I am thankful for my turtle that I accidentally smuggled back from NYC

I am thankful for the many shades of lipstick that are available.

I am thankful for the opportunity to share these thoughts with you. I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving. Oh and happy HNT!!!

Helllllloooooo

2007-11-14T16:07:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! I feel so blessed to have such great bloggie buddies. I am alive and kicking. Our office has been moving and if it could go wrong it has gone wrong. And guess who they turn to for help? If you guessed yours truly then you win the prize. I have also been working around my house when I get home. Over all, I guess things are good. I celebrated Tricks Birthday with Kelwhy and both me and Trick were on our very best behavior. I don't care what Kelwhy says or what the pictures say. We were good (kinda sorta). Hockey season has started and now I have something to do on the weekends. I have lost a few more pounds. This weekend is the Margarita Ball here in Huntsvegas, AL and the cake lady gets to dress up in a pretty gown. I might even have my hair put up for the occasion.

Take Care!

Birthing Babies Cake Lady Style

2007-11-01T10:49:00.000-07:00

I was visiting that Slick Sumbitch today and he caused me to remember the time that I gave birth to a Kidney stone and a baby boy all at the same time.

Some ladies can claim to giving birth to more than one baby at a time but just how many can tell about giving birth to a Kidney stone and a baby at the same time. I'm guessing I might just be the only one.

When I went into labor with G.I. Joe my back was hurting really bad. It felt like someone stuck a knife in my back. I kept telling the nurses and the doctors that something more serious was happening to me than just labor pains. They all said it was just back labor and when I received my epidural that it would be better. I argued that I had a baby before and this was not back labor but they wouldn't hear of it. I finally did receive my epidural and the pain did stop. Not long after that I started pushing and out came G.I. Joe (complete with survival gear and black hair and side burns that looked like they belonged to Elvis).

They cleaned us both up, put a diaper on G.I. Joe and a Maxi Pad on me and sent me to my room. A few hours later the nurse came in my room and reminded me to get up and move around so I went to the bathroom. I pulled down the Maxi Pad and set down on the toilet and noticed there was a dry roasted peanut just laying there in my Maxi Pad. I thought it was the strangest thing to find in my Maxi Pad and took it and laid it on the sink beside me and was going to ask the nurse about this strange finding when she came in again. Well, I was on some really good pain killers and then all my family and friends started to arrive. The pain wasn't there anymore and I just forgot about the dry roasted peanut that I found. Two days later I was discharged and all was right in the world (except for the postpartum depression thingy)

Six weeks went by and it was time for me to return to work. I had been at work for about 2 hours and my back started hurting again. I remembered this pain was exactly like that back labor that I experienced when I gave birth 6 weeks earlier. This time it was worse, I called my family Doctor and he said to come on in. It didn't take him long to determine that I was passing a Kidney Stone. He sent me to have some sort of dye injected into me and have X-rays while the dye was in there. They saw it and said I would probably be able to pass it on my own. They gave me a strainer thing that I had to pee in that would catch the kidney stone. Why this was important I don't know because they didn't want it back. But I did as I was told and the next day when I looked in the strainer there was something there that looked like a large piece of sand, or a tiny dry roasted peanut. Then it hit me and I remembered the thing that I found in my Maxi Pad when I gave birth. Then I realized that it wasn't a dry roasted peanut but a Kidney Stone. I had given birth to a Kidney Stone and a baby boy.

BOO!!

2007-10-31T07:48:00.000-07:00

Did I scare you???

Have a safe Halloween. Remember to alway practice safe HEX!!!

The Cake Ladies Rules for Parenting

2007-10-18T07:09:00.001-07:00

It seems that every where I turn someone is talking about how to be a good parent. Yesterday I was reading a blog from one of my fellow blogger's The Torn Pages and she told us of parenting rule #75. I asked her to send me a copy of these rules because I must have misplaced mine. Until I receive the official instruction booklet from her, I will just have to use what I have learned over the past 16 years. I am listing my rules for any of you readers who need a little extra help or maybe like me didn't receive any rules or instructions when you received your little bundle joy. These are in no particular order (much like my mind). I will talk in great detail about these rules in later post's. This is simply the starter kit.

Stay in hospital after birth as long as you can and let everyone take care of the baby. Never ever change a diaper while you are in the hospital.
Listen carefully to the Pediatrician when they tell you what to feed the baby.
Involve them in rock hunts. There are many clues out there in the world for them to find.
Feed them last nights dinner and you should eat tonight's dinner. It really makes for good dinner conversation.
Answer their questions honestly about blow jobs.
Teach them to drive at an early age of 4.
Teach them skills like pole dancing and cooking.
Read all of their notes from their friends.
Don't misplace their privates (genitals).
Teach them to take pictures of you while you are showering. It's very important that you not know that they are taking these pictures.
Don't lose them while you are on vacation.
Teach them to pray.
Read to them every night.
Don't believe them when they tell you that their arm is broken (they will really stand out and shine if you do this).
Don't believe them when they tell you they have rocks in their ears.
Keep a staple remover on hand for removing staples from their head and arms.
Get a cute 16 year old with a belly button piercing to teach them to swim.
Hug them daily.
Get to the bottom of why they refuse to brush their teeth even if it requires you to drag them by the hair down the hall to the bathroom.
Watch scary movies with them. They like it when their mom try's to hide behind them or jump in their lap.
Encourage them to go from table to table to sample food in restaurants. The other diners just love it.

I am sure there are more rules but for now, I will go with these. Good luck parents and parents to be!

Strange Happenings At The Cake Ladies House

2007-10-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

Do you think it is possible for a couple of large ants to turn my DVD player on? I know it sounds very strange but it's the only explanation that I can think of. I returned from Sunny Florida Saturday. I sat down to check my e-mails. The TV was on but I was not watching it. Then my attention was drawn away from my e-mails because the TV got very loud and wasn't making any sense at all. Then I realized that the DVD player had turned itself on. I was the only one in the house and the DVD remote was on the other side of the coffee table. I turned it off and thought "this is strange". This happened again a couple of more times that afternoon. Later I fell asleep on the couch with the TV on and was awakened this morning around 1am because the DVD player had turned itself on. It scared the hell out of me. That time I unplugged it.

This morning while laboring in the bathroom mirror I noticed an extra large black ant crawling on the wall beside me. I know that most people wouldn't be too alarmed at 1 ant crawling on the wall but the strange thing about this ant was that it was super huge and it was black. In the spring time I get small brown sugar ants in the kitchen but I'm expecting them and set dinner out for them. They don't come back to eat again. This ant was black like charcoal. I took some tissue and smooshed it. Then I looked up and there was another one trying to push me out of the mirror. I grabbed another piece of tissue and was going to smoosh this one too but it went behind the mirror and I think it carried my eyeliner back there too because I can't find it. I realize I am making much to do about 2 ants but the thing is, I was raised in the country and have seen many kinds of animals and rodents. I believe these ants to be a new species, and they are large and strong enough to push a DVD power button and steal my toiletries. Tomorrow I fear when I go to put on my make-up and do my hair that I will have to do battle with the ant that hid behind the mirror. And even worse, what if the 2 ants fornicated in my bathroom??? How long does it take for an ant egg to hatch?

I used boric acid to kill the small pony sized cock roaches that were nesting in my pine bark outside, and it also killed my boxwood's. I suppose I could pour boric acid all over my bathroom floor but it would probably also kill the demonic bitch from hell (my cat). I can assure you if she died that I would be the only one to miss her. Well, not really I wouldn't but I'm the Cake Lady and couldn't hurt anything but cock roaches and ants. Most of my friends ask me as they leave my house if they can show her the backside of their car tires.

Wish me luck tomorrow morning!

Dear Anonymous

2007-10-06T07:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Anonymous,
I wanted to thank you for your comment "You Slut". At first it bothered me because you don’t know me. Then I gave it a bit more thought and maybe you are right. Maybe I am a slut. But you know what? It’s my choice.

Note: The original blog has been edited. Why? Because it's my choice :-) and my blog.

Thanks for the comments <3

Freaky Friday

2007-10-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

There is just something about making out in a parking lot on the hood of a Hyundai that just turns me on. Last night I kissed Mr. Mustang so much that my lips were numb. We did a really good job of wax on/wax off too. At some point his shirt even came off. My shoes got kicked up under the car and my hair got caught on the antenna. I could have taken advantage of him too but I'm just not that kind of girl or maybe It was because I wasn't drinking tequila. I still don't know where this relationship will go but I damn sure plan to enjoy his company when I see him.

This past Wednesday I had the pleasure of joining the Trickser and the old man for cocktails. I have been a wee bit, no... a lot, no... insanely overwhelmed with lack of pleasure. Trickster and the old man didn't know this but while they were ooing and gooing I was sending provocative texts to FMLO. I never gave him my phone number so he didn't know it was me and I believe he really enjoyed them. The next morning I revealed myself and he was surprised but must have liked it because he has been wearing my phone out since.

I am rather pissed at the White Russian right now. He hasn't really did anything to me to piss me off, he just hasn't been here.

In other news. Apparently Mr. Italy is a bit perturbed with me because he sent me a text that reached out and slapped me across the face. It really hurt. He was not the man I thought he was.

Condom News!

2007-09-28T15:02:00.001-07:00

While visiting my favorite watering hole the other day, a friend of mine was telling the story about how his father made him and his brother learn to put on a condom in the dark. His father gave them each a hammer and told them to put the metal part of the hammer between their legs and to put the condom on the handle part of the hammer while the lights were out. I thought this to be hysterically funny and never considered what a task it must be for a man. That's when I had the epiphany. Why don't the condom people make condom wrappers that glow in the dark? It should be industry standard. Now, don't go getting any idea's about contacting the condom makers because yours truly has already made contact. I had a couple of other ideas for them too. I will keep you posted about what they say.

In other condom news...The German engineers that brought us the BMW, the Audi and the Porsche will also bring us the first spray on condom. Yes, you heard me correctly. Spray on condoms. The spray on condom should be available in 2008. The way it works is that the man is to stick his penis into this canister and then it's sprayed all over with latex (much like a car wash), no more one size fits all. This will insure a snug fit with more sensitivity...or so they say. The cost will be about $27.00 and can be used about 20 times. I personally can't wait to see this in action. What a grand idea!!! The only problem that I foresee is how will it fit into their pockets or wallets? I hope those folks that designed the BMW, Audi and Porsche are redesigning these cars with some handy little compartment for the Spray On Condom canister.

I Love Being Blonde

2007-09-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

I love being blonde. Do you realize just how much we can get away with? I have listed just a few things that we can do and no one would question.

We can watch our favorite SEC team go into overtime and AU scores and makes the score 23 – 20. We scream with delight and walk away from the TV because we think our team has won. We walk around all night with a big grin on our face until another AU friend asks “What are you so happy about”. We….OK I think you all know by now that it was me that did this. I reply because AU won in overtime. My friend looks at me with this truly puzzled look on his face and says “No they didn’t”. I say “Yes they did, I saw it”. Someone behind me taps me on the shoulder and says “NO – South Florida scored”. I almost cried. My friend realized that I was not playing and I really thought they won. He gave me a hug, oh well the hug was nice.

Last weekend I did not get to see the Auburn vs. Mississippi State game because I was busy all weekend studying for my 7th grade science test and GI Joe helped me. I called Queenie and asked her who won the game. She said 14 – 19 Auburn. I think if anyone heard this reply they would think Auburn won. So, I proceed to boost to a HUGE Auburn hater that they won. He of course tells me I’m nuts. I didn’t trust this guy, so I looked it up on line and sure as shit they lost. By the way Queenie is blonde too.

I have a bad habit of getting the days and weeks confused. I get a lot of things confused. I might be dyslexic. Let’s see.

We had a luncheon at work and I was supposed to bring sausage balls and I brought them but brought them a week early.

I went to a baby shower once, got there rang the bell. The mother to be came to the door in sweat pants and a paint stained t-shirt. She was carrying twins so I didn’t want to say anything to hurt her feelings. She stood at the door just looking at me. Finally I said “where is every one”? She said uhhhh Cake Lady the shower is not till next week.

I was paying bills once and wrote out a check to the phone company for the balance in my check book.

I brought cup cakes to GI Joe’s school for a Valentines Day party the day after the party. The kids just love me. The teacher was not so happy with me though.

When Queenie was just a wee baby her pediatrician told me that I could give her a little apple juice along with her formula. So I did. I mixed the apple juice and the milk together and fed her. She cried and cried and her stomach was so upset. This routine went on for about a month. Then while visiting my mother, she saw me mixing the formula and the apple juice together and asked what I was doing. I told her what the doctor said and Mom said NO honey – he meant to give her some apple juice and some formula but not together. I didn’t believe it so I called the Doctor and he said and I quote. “You have done anything that will kill her but don’t do it again”.

My favorite thing that I did would have to be the time that I went to a very important meeting and arrived late. I being late was not my fault but what I did when I got there was purely blonde. My primary customer called a meeting with all of their suppliers, sent invitations, had name tags made up, had the event catered for lunch and generally just made a big production of the event. I was supposed to go with my boss but at the last minute he was not able to go so he asked me to go alone. I asked him what this meeting was about and who would be there. He said it would just be the normal people that we see on a weekly basis. I was accustomed to visiting this customer and knew everyone well. I asked my boss why the big production if it were just those people and he said that they were just bringing in all the suppliers at one time. I asked him what time I needed to be there and he said just go around 10:00. I got there and was escorted upstairs and got my name tag. When I opened the door to where the meeting was already in progress, everyone turned to look at the later arriver. There must have been 500 people seated listening to the speaker. I tried to act like I knew what I was doing. I walked in scanned the 500 attendees, did not see a vacant seat so I chose the seat closest to me. All I wanted to do was escape the stares. There was a long table to the side of the 500 people and there were a couple of chairs that were open and it was very close to the door, so I sat down. I noticed that everyone continued to stare at me or at least they seemed to be staring at me. After a few minutes the speaker at the meeting, VP of the company finished his speech and started walking towards me. My heart started pounding harder and harder. Why was he walking towards me? He stopped when he got to me, shook my hand and introduced himself to me. He asked if I minded if he got another chair and sat beside me, I said sure of course. I’m thinking to myself, why does he want to sit beside me? During a break he introduced me to everyone at the table. That would be every top dog of the company. I had chosen to sit at the VP table and chose to take his seat. When I realized what I had done, I turned beat red and he laughed. I said I was sorry and would find another seat. He would not hear of it. What a nice man he turned out to be. Then it all clicked as to why everyone was staring at me. They were wondering who the newest big wig was. That was probably my favorite blonde moment.

My stupidest blonde moment would be this:
About a year ago I was invited to a surprise birthday party for Jewels. I was so tired of going to parties alone so I decided to take matters into my own hands and find someone to go with me. I remembered that I had a neighbor who was about my age and was single, so I mustered up the courage and asked him. He seemed delighted that I had asked, said all the right things and I just knew that I was going to have a really good time with him. I worried all week long about what would happen after he brought me home. Would he kiss me? If he did and there was chemistry would he ask me out another time? If it didn’t work, he’s my neighbor and well, that would be awkward. Did I mention that my middle name is worry? The night of the party the neighbor arrives at my house everything is going well till he asks me what time did I want to leave the party. I told him that I had not given it any thought and figured we would just hang out till we got tired of it and then he tells me that he likes to be home by 11:30. I said OK. I will not bore you with all the details but it just went south from that point. He brought me home on a Saturday night at 9:30 barely stopped the car long enough for me to get out. He didn’t even wait to see if I got in the house safely. I was just pissed; all week long I had worried for nothing. This night was supposed to be about me. No way was I going to sit at home by myself on a Saturday night. I called Aunt J and asked her if she was out and about. She said she was and to come join her. I called a taxi because I already knew that I was going to be doing some drinking. I get to the watering hole and meet Aunt J for cocktails and more cocktails. I am still upset that this evening was not about me. Damn it! It was supposed to be all about the Cake Lady! In walks an old friend who I met right after I got divorced. There has always been chemistry between us but we never acted on it because I was looking for something meaningful and he was not looking for that type of relationship. He sits down beside me, orders his drink orders me another one. We get our drinks we do a little cheer and take a drink. I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he had any condoms. He spit his drink out and said yes, he did. I said “Good”. I want you to take me home and fuck my lights out. Talk about the Dear in the headlights look, he had it. He asked if I was serious and I said yes. He asked for the tab, and said he would go get the car and for me to meet him outside in 10 minutes. I said OK. He left and some other people that I know came up and starting talking to me and I proceeded to laugh and have a good time. I forgot all about asking the man to take me home and FMLO. I went home by myself, woke up the next morning and about the second stretch I remembered what I had done. I could not believe I had done that. I didn’t have his number with me, it was at the office. Monday as soon as I got to work, I called him and when he answered I told him who it was calling him and he did a little laugh. I told him the truth, that I had just got side tracked and forgot about him. All he said is “That is so Cake Lady”. We both laughed and to this day we are still friends. We still have not slept together. I doubt he would say yes a second time. That would have to be my blondest moment.

Update From The Cake Lady

2007-09-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!
I have been really swamped at work and in my other life. Several people have e-mailed me to ask if I fell off the face of the earth, the answer is NO - I'm alive and kicking.

Those cock roaches the size of small horses that took up residence in my pine bark mulch are now DEAD! I got some boric acid. Note to anyone using boric acid, it will also kill your plants. My boxwood's are now dead too. I'm not too upset about this because I hate boxwood's and planned to replace them anyway.

For those of you who are concerned about me sending my DNA to someone, I don't think it's a problem because my DNA is all over his house.

Queenie has gotten into the habit of leaving our front door wide open when she leaves the house. I think my neighbor is quite entertained in the morning when I get out of the shower and walk down the hall to get my coffee. My hall faces his front door and it's a clear view. I'm pleasant in the morning but not at all awake. I walked naked about half way down the hall before I noticed that the front door was open. Last night I came home at 8:00pm and she left it open again when she went to work. I think I'll just hang a sign outside that says "Door's open, make yourself at home and do some cleaning while you're here".

GI Joe is failing every subject in school, including PE. How do you fail PE? He has me really worried.

Dear Mr. Drama - There was real Drama at my favorite watering hole last Wednesday. I was even wearing my combat clothes but someone else stepped in to do battle for me.

Guadalajara was as nasty as ever but I did try a new Tequila. Don Julio 1942. If anyone wants to buy me some it's only $190.00 a bottle.

I ran into Mr. Shark yesterday, we had a very pleasant 1 1/2 hour conversation. I forgot just how much he likes to talk.

Mr. Mustang....what can I say? We are still talking and going to lunch together and a kiss or two but that's about it.

The White Russian....is scaring the hell out of me, he is talking about moving the Huntsvegas. I hope it's just talk. He has always been a long distance love. If he moved here it would be for me and I just don't know how I feel about that. I know it scares me.

Summer is coming to an end and it makes me sad. I love the summer.

I'm saving the best for last. I have lost another 5 pounds!

Blood on the Birthday Card

2007-09-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to send a bloody birthday card? It was not on purpose it just happened. I was in Wally World perusing the birthday cards. I found the perfect card, as I reached for the envelope the card slipped out of my hand. I tried to catch it and the whole side of it from top to bottom somehow managed to slide right down across my finger. It was just one of those freak accidents. My finger is bleeding like I had taken a razor to it. I pick up the card and the envelope, throw them in the buggy and stand there trying to catch the blood. Several employees walk past me and look at me as if this were a normal situation. I don't know about you but I have never seen anyone bleeding and obviously in distress, and just look at them walk past. I cupped my other hand under the one that's bleeding and went to the service desk to ask for a Band-Aid. Trying to hold my hand under the bleeding hand and push a buggy at the same time takes coordination (something that I am lacking in). When I get there, I politely ask the lady at the desk if I may have a Band-Aid. She looks at me as if I had asked her to do my shopping for me and pay for it too. I looked back at her daring her not to find me a Band-Aid. After a moment she realized that I was not going to leave so she reached behind the counter and took out a Band-Aid. Somehow I just knew that there would be a Band-Aid at the service desk. I'm so smart that way. Anyway, back to the bloody birthday card. I bought the perfect card and when I went to mail it, I noticed a strange brown line down the side of the card, at first I didn’t know what it was and thought it was a printing error and wondered how I didn’t notice this before. Then it dawned on me that this brown line could be my blood. I just loved the card and didn’t have time to go back for another one so I took a brown marker and ran it down both sides of the card and mailed it. Is that bad? Now my DNA is probably sitting on someone’s counter.

The 18 Hour Bra

2007-08-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

The 18 Hour Bra - The idea of wearing a bra for 18 hours just scares the hell out of me. There are 24 hours in a day and when you take away 18 of those hours it leaves only 6 hours, or in another perspective, it means that a woman would have to wear a bra all the time except to sleep. All you women out there know just how ridiculous that is. The 1st thing we do when we get home is take that thing off and toss it somewhere. Seriously, what happens after 18 hours? Does all the support just go away like Cinderella's coach turns back into a pumpkin? And while I'm on my soap box, I am not going to be buying anymore bra's from Vickie's Secret Closet. The quality of these bra's has just totally gone down hill. Why pay $50.00 for something I don't even want to wear? I have been doing some bra shopping lately (can you tell?). I saw Jennifer Love Hewitt sporting a Hanes Bra on a commercial the other day, so I bought one and It is great for the 8 hours that it is needed. I paid less than $10.00 for this bra and it's pretty too. I also have found the vassarette bra to fit my needs as well. The one thing that I will continue to buy from Vickie's Secret Closet is her panties. I love them. And now that I have lost some weight and am most definitely going through a mid life crises. I have made the decision to never ever wear white or beige panties again. When I put on my white shorts, skirt or pants and Queenie says "Mom, I can see your pantie's" I just say "Thanks Baby". She is mortified but hey it's my mid life crises, not hers.

Meltdown, Guilt, Awakenings & Unconditional Love

2007-08-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

The Meltdown - This morning I had a complete meltdown with GI Joe. He had been sick last week and went to the Doctor. The Doctor gave him some medicine and an excuse for school. This morning I wake GI Joe up, tell him to get a shower, take his medicine and make sure he has his excuse for school. He gets his shower, takes his medicine and some how loses his school excuse while walking from his bedroom to the family room. 7:40am, I am trying to remain calm about this and I am failing miserably. One of my biggest pet peeves is losing things. I ask him if he actually had the excuse in his hands this morning and he said yes. I can not believe this. How can it happen. 7:45am I tell him to get me a piece of paper that I will write a note. He goes to the kitchen drawer and pulls out a sticky note that is about 3"x3". That is when I really lost it. I start screaming at him at the top of my lungs to get me a piece of paper. I may have even said get me a Damn piece of paper, to which he replied "You can get it, it's closer to you". Now I am totally unglued. I scream back at him that it is his responsibility to get the excuse to school and not mine. GI Joe starts tearing up. He didn't cry but I could tell that I had really got to him.

The Guilt - Now I have upset GI Joe and he has a science test today. I should not have gotten so out of control over an excuse for school. Now I am filled with guilt about screaming at my child. He definitely deserved something but I doubt the amount of screaming that I did helped anything. Hopefully he will be able to forget about everything that happened this morning and concentrate on his test. If he fails this test regardless of the reason, I will undoubtedly feel guilty.

The Awakening - Mr. Italy has called me twice since I was last with him and I didn't want to see him. It seems that I have realized a warm body does not replace a warm body that truly cares about me. I am hung up on Mr. Mustang. We talked a little over the weekend and even though he cares about me and probably does love me, I don't think that he is "In Love" with me. I truly love this man. I found a poem over the weekend that describes what I feel when I think of Mr. Mustang. I still plan to see other men because I might be waiting a long time for Mr. Mustang to get his act together and it's possible that he may never get it together. I just don't plan to have a "Lover". I've tried it and it just doesn't work for me.

Unconditional Love

By Meilena Hauslendale

When we love someone in its truest of form, it is a pure love, a love with no conditions.
Love out of purity can develop over time or be instantaneous in some situations.

When we love or care for someone unconditionally it is because we want to, not because we feel we have to.

We don't love that person because of what they do for us.
We don't love them because we want something that they have.
We love them because we have a special place reserved in our hearts and in our spirits specifically for them.

This love is unshaken because it is based on truth not on convenience.

It doesn't even matter if our love is reciprocated by the person we care for.
It doesn't matter if they turn their backs and walk away.
It doesn't matter if they choose to say nothing at all, because the love you have for them exists regardless of the circumstance and regardless of the condition.

It is simply based on your strong sense of care for this individual.

It is not based on power.
It is not based ...
It is based on Love's purest intentions.

When we love someone unconditionally, we love them as they are, as they were, and as they intend to be.

We embrace their past, their present, and their future as a fine intricate detail of who they are.

When they speak, we listen to them.
When they are still, we stand by their sides.
When they need to be left alone, we leave them be, but we continue to love them even when separated by distance.

Unconditional love goes beyond just the emotions of love, it develops in the core of our being as it is there where we hold those close to us so dearly.

I Am Thankful For...

2007-08-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a beautiful day today. GI Joe asked to spend the night with me Saturday night. I know it sounds strange for my son to ask to spend the night with his mother but when there is divorce involved, that's just the way it is. He came over Saturday night and invited his friend over to spend the night with him. They played games on the play station till I made them go to bed at 11:30. As they played I listened to them laugh and try to talk big and bad and it gave me such pleasure. I am thankful that GI Joe has friends to play with. Today I cooked breakfast for them. As I cooked I heard them talking about how good the bacon smelled and I was thankful that I had food to feed them. Later today we went to pick up GI Joe's football uniform. We had to pick it up from his coaches house. GI Joe made the comment about how nice the houses were in his coaches neighborhood and I was thankful that he recognized the beauty in the homes. Our home is nice but I wouldn't qualify it as beautiful. His coach lives close to Huntsville's oldest cemetery. GI Joe suggested that we go visit some graves. Again this might sound weird to some folks but for me it is one of the most peaceful things to do. We walk around and admire the beautiful headstones, talk about the names and just walk in piece and for this I am thankful. We were able to find the grave of a friend who passed away late last year. I was in NYC and wasn't able to attend the funeral. I knew about where it was so we looked and found it. As I remember about how tragically she died, I am thankful that I am alive and walking with my son. I am reminded of just how short life can be, so I will continue to live it to the fullest and be thankful I am alive.

Deep Feeling's From The Cake Lady

2007-08-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

My feelings today run the gamut. Actually it has been this whole last week or maybe two weeks.

I know that a lot of it has to do with Mr. Mustang. I met him for drinks last week and I had a good time. Then the next day he said something that almost seemed like he regretted calling me. This confused me. Then last night he called me again and we went to dinner together. He then admitted that he is very much in turmoil over his latest relationship. I listened to him and reminded him that he didn't have to make any decisions right now. He is as bad as me about beating himself up. Mr. Mustang is only my friend now. I want much more than his friendship, I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm not holding my breath waiting on it to happen but I can't help but remember just how comfortable I was when we were seeing each other and I find myself comparing everyone to him.

I had lunch with the Test Pilot yesterday and I did enjoy his company. I am pretty sure he will call me again and that scares me. I like him, I'm attracted to him but since my divorce 5 years ago I have made a new and different life for myself. It works for me and I am afraid to change it.

I met someone the other night. I will call him Mr. Drama Battalion. This one bothers me the most because I had a few drinks and I told him about this blog and guess what? He took the time to read it and I assume he will read this as well. You are attractive, intelligent and considerate. I couldn't figure out if you wanted to "date me" or just "date me for a night". Either way it scared me. As you can see, I have a lot of stuff running through my head. It mostly has to do with being in control. I promised myself that I would write honestly on here so I must continue to do so even though you are possibly reading this.

I have been seeing Mr. Florida on and off for 4 years. He treats me like a queen. We couldn't be any more different. I have no commitment to him but for some reason I feel guilty when I see other men. I tell him all the time that the reason it works for us is that we are on a perpetual honeymoon. I only see him about once a month so we don't know what it's like to deal with the day to day things that most people face.

It is very easy with Mr. Italy because I know he wants nothing more than sex with me. He doesn't want to have a relationship with me and I don't want one with him.

Then there is Asshole. After 5 years he is still trying to control me. He sent me an e-mail yesterday "instructing me to do something" I did very well though. After shaking violently because it made me so mad, I did nothing. I didn't respond to the e-mail and I sure as hell didn't do as he instructed me to do. I am making progress in this department.

In a nutshell this is what it boils down to. I want what I can't have and if they want me then that makes them in control and I just can't deal with that.

If Chuck and Bo are Doing it then I am too!

2007-08-23T13:28:00.001-07:00

First thing I need to say is Happy Half Neked Thursday (HNT). Thanks to Sugar Daddy I now know all about it (figuratively speaking). Stay tuned for a HNT picture later today. Oh and I do no how to spell naked, I just like to call it Neked :-)

Happy HNT! I see you!

This survey pretty much nails me.

*** THE EVERYTHING TEST ***
There are many different types of tests on the Internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all. Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy.

PERSONALITY
You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more religious than atheist, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are
Outgoing (100%),
Religious (93%),
Adventurous (75%),
Innovative (71%).

STEREOTYPES
Old Geezer (83%)
Prep (77%)
Punk Rock (67%)

LIFE EXPERIENCE
Sex (44%)
Substances (46%)
Travel (29%)

POLITICS
Your political views would best be described as Libertarian, whom you agree with around 68% of the time.

SOCIOECONOMIC
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Working Class.You make more than 85% of those who have taken this test,and 4% more than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.

By the way, your hotness rank is 62%, hotter than 55% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TESThttp://www.thatsurveysite.net/take.php?id=eay
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What Has Been Going On?

2007-08-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have been blogging for a year now. I have so much going on in my life these days and yet so little at the same time. I think I will just reflect on the happenings of the last year.

GI Joe is now 12 years old and he still likes the colored shirts and he is also into the plaid shorts.

Queenie is now 16 and is driving, this has been a big help having another toy box on wheels to transport GI Joe and his entourage.

I am sleeping much better, no more flying in the air. It helps to listen to the doctor and do what he says to do and not try to fix things yourself. I do still have strange dreams. Saturday night I had been out celebrating my Sisters birthday and I had brought my camera with me. When I went to bed that night I dreamed that my sisters had taken my clothes off and taken pictures of me in my bra and panties. This dream was so vivid that when I awoke the next morning I ran to my purse to take out the camera to make sure this really didn’t happen. If I were thinking properly I would have remembered that the pictures that I saw of me in bra and panties were RED and I was wearing black that night.

The Love palace is getting a little easier to access. When I started blogging last year only 2 men had visited the Love Palace, today that number is 5.
- The White Russian is a regular visitor who I just can’t kick out.
- Mr. Michigan is in Michigan and remains a close friend
- Mr. Shark was just a mistake and sometimes mistakes happen
- Mr. Mustang – what can I say. I love him and would welcome that relationship back at any time and there are signs that it might be headed in that direction (more on that in another blog)
- And the newest contestant would be Mr. Italy, what can I say about him? Ummm…Boy Toy!

Ex-husband is still an Asshole and growing bigger every day.

I took Queenie to NYC for here 16th birthday and brought home a Turtle. I didn’t realize it at the time but it seems that I smuggled the turtle back. I didn’t know you were not allowed to bring animals on the plane. I didn’t hide it, they just didn’t notice it.
GI Joe passed 6th grade and so far this year he is putting forth an effort that I have never seen in him before to keep up with his homework and make good grades.

To my knowledge no one has yet to invent a device to check for Strep Throat without sticking a stick down your throat.

The Trickster has settled down and the Cake Lady is taking her place.

I still get lost every where that I go. Someone please take up a collection and buy me a GPS. I met Mr. Mustang the other day out in Madison and got lost. As soon as his phone rang he said “where are you”. Sad, very sad that I could get lost going from Huntsville to Madison.

Norma Jean finally came to her senses and quit seeing her scum of an ex-husband. I believe he is officially out of the picture. However, she is still not in her right mind. Another subject to blog about at a later date.
I am still an avid blood donor and encourage all of you to give blood.

I have learned how to link pages to names, add pictures to my blog and can even cook a little now.
I still get the occasional “What If” attack but they are fewer and farther between the last ones. I am completely off of effexor. It was hard to do and it scared the hell out of me but I did it. I still have panic attacks from time to time but now I will do as the Doctor says and take some of my clonazepam as needed.

Two friends left this world in the past year.

I have met many more friends through myspace. I have met some really great people on there. Mr. Mustang is still my favorite. And I have met some really strange ones too. The strangest one would be the man who wants to pleasure my feet with his tongue. I am meeting a new friend tomorrow, I have a lunch date with him. He is a test pilot.

I had my other hip replaced in December and so far it is working like a charm. I am even able to power walk again. I am slowly getting back into the walking. As a matter of fact I will be doing some power walking tonight.

I had 3 things that I was going to try to accomplish over this year.
1. Paint the living room, bedroom and Hall – none has been accomplished but I am working on painting the ceiling.
2. Lose 20 lbs. I’ve lost 15 since January.
3. Return to my power walking. I am getting there.

Mr. Mustang gave me the best birthday present a girl could ask for and he cooked for me too! No wonder I fell in love with this man.

I wonder is Anonymous is still reading my blogs?

My 3 favorite post's in the last year have been Proclivities, Memories and The Necklace.

Urban Word Definition of Home Run

2007-08-09T10:25:00.000-07:00

1. Home Run

To accelerate through first base (french kissing), onto second base ("heavy petting") to third base (oral sex) and finally coming around to home plate (sexual intercourse).
Wow, hit a home run with the White Russian tonight, gimme a high five!

Yes Anonymous Comment (Trickster), the rumors are true. The White Russian has been in town and I have been scoring some Grand Slams. Barry Bond's doesn't have anything on me and the White Russian!

In other news:

This weekend I will be going solo to the company outing. Oh and just to confuse everyone. I can't take the White Russian also known as Mr. Florida because his company and our company are direct competitors and someone would lose their job.

I have decided to go with an electric weed whacker.

My mood is still a little down but it's getting better. I think when this weekend is over I will be back to my normal self.

Just The Facts!

2007-07-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have been more than a little down lately.
I took the Lords name in vain today. I can count on 2 hands how many times I have done that. The last time was some time in my early twenties. I am 47 now. I was trying to make airline reservations. Pathetic!
I am in all likelihood going on my company meeting by myself and everyone else is bringing their husband/wife.
I am mad at my sister and worried about her too.
I had a good time in Destin.
I had a bad day shopping for groceries yesterday and Kroger noticed it. They gave me a $15.00 gift certificate. I told them it was not necessary but they insisted. Kudos to Kroger.
I missed a turn coming back from Destin but did manage to find my way back to Huntsville and still made good time. Kudos to me!

The Weed Whacker!

2007-07-24T11:43:00.001-07:00

In my previous post Land of Confusion I talked about being confused on what kind of weed eater to buy. Junebugg suggested that I go to Lowes or Home Depot and do some of that Flirting that we Southern Women are famous for. I might be able to get away with that at Home Depot but I pissed Lowe's off.

I bought a Troy built from Lowes because I thought it was a reputable brand. I think it probably still is a reputable brand HOWEVER I do not have enough upper body strength to pull the cord as quick as it must be pulled to start it. I had used the weed whacker twice before and always had to get a male neighbor to start it for me (Hence Flirting). Sunday the male neighbors were no where to be found or their wife's saw me coming and took them hostage. I got fed up with all this yanking and decided that my weed eater had a problem. When I walked into Lowes, low and behold there was another man with the same make and model weed eater returning it for the same reason as me. He could not get it to start. I was so relieved that I was not the only one with the weed whacker problem. Lowes gave us both refunds and we both purchased another weed whacker one of the same make and model. I got the weed whacker home, filled it with gas and tried to yank the cord. I tried and tried, even got GI Joe and his pal to try it. None of us had the strength to pull it as fast as it had to be pulled. By then my arm felt like I had jerked off about 30 men. I decided I was not going to keep something that I could not start. So back to Lowes I go. The lady at the customer service desk gave me a refund and apologized for my troubles. I told her that I would just buy the top of the line and that should surely take care of my problems. The weed whacker that I returned was $100.00, the one that I was going to buy was $269.00. I told her that I thought that I should get a discount for all my troubles. She agreed but said a manager would have to give the OK. A few minutes later this big burly man with arms the size of tree trunks comes up and says he would like to check this weed whacker out for himself. That really pissed me off but me being the polite woman that I am, said OK. We went outside and he proceeds to yank on that cord effortlessly. He yanked it about 10 times, it started then sputtered then went dead. He did some adjustments with the choke and pulled another 5 or 6 times and this time it fired right up. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry Ma'am but I can not authorize a refund when there is obviously nothing wrong with this equipment. I responded with, "May I have your phone number? I will call you every time I want to start it". He looks at me and says, please understand my position. There is nothing wrong with the weed eater, I am sorry that you are not able to start it. I can not authorize a refund. I smiled, looked at him and said "I understand your position perfectly, and I hope you understand my position. I have already received my refund and if I am going to have to pay full price for a weed eater it will be from someone else". His mouth dropped open, he was speechless. He had no idea that I already got the refund. I bid him a good day and prissed off. Yes - I prissed off!

Now, I will be doing some hands on research. I figure I will walk the neighborhood in search of men with weed eaters and ask them if I can yank on their equipment, take it for a test drive so to speak. After I find one that I can start by myself I will go purchase one of those.

Land of Confusion

2007-07-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

These days I seem to live in a land of confusion. I am confused about the strangest things....

I am not a bike chick but I put a Ducati background on one of my profile's. Why? Because it is about as close as I can get to something that best describes me. I'll keep searching and will change it when and if I find something else that fits me.

It's OK to flirt. Isn't it?

I need to purchase a new weed eater and I feel very overwhelmed. Did you hear that? I am overwhelmed about a weed eater!

How does all that crap get under my sofa cushions?

Why do I get so stressed out when I find myself in situations that I can not control. Sure, I can leave the place that causes me the stress but it takes a long time for the panic feeling to leave me.

What the heck does "A stitch in time, saves nine" mean?

How is it that I receive so many wrong number phone calls and end up having conversations with these people? Last week a received a call from a guy looking for a woman with the same name as me. Can you believe that? I talked to him a few minutes thinking that I would figure out who it was that I was talking to. I finally asked him who he was. LOL - So there is a woman out there whose number is 1 digit away from mine and I have had a lengthy conversation with her friend. I wish he had asked me out!

The one thing that I can say for certain is that I love my new shoes that I bought last week.

Ugly Cars and Mashed Potatoes

2007-07-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

I'd like to pride myself in seeing the good and beauty in everything. I just can't see it in some of the newer car models such as the Toyota Pirus. I mean what were they thinking? This reminds me of a dog with it's tail cut off.

When I saw this car I started thinking what else in this world do I find offensive. It was hard but I did come of with a few items that totally make me go iiiickk!!!

1. Hybrid cars

2. Mashed potatoes (I will eat them but they are ugly to look at)

3. Jelly Fish

4. Box woods. I have some in my landscaping and will be replacing them soon.

5. Goucho Pants

6. Unpolished toenails

7. Rust

8. Men who dip.

9. The scent of vanilla

10. My neighbors yard

I wouldn't feel right without also naming a few things that I find beautiful.

1. Weeping Willow Trees.

2. Mustang Cars (especially the 66 Coupe)

3. Turtles

4. The scent of Gardenia

5. Some tattoos. I don't have one and don't want one but some are truly a work of art and I admire that.

6. Slow dancing

7. Crosses and Crucifixes

8. The lake, the beach or a pond.

9. Diamonds

10. Music

What is ugly and what is beautiful to you?

The Necklace

2007-07-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

A few post back Friday Funk I had been really down in the dumps. My spirits are now lifted and for a few reasons.

I went out with an open mind and had a good time.

A stranger took off his necklace and gave it to me.

I had sex.

I went to Trickster's parents house for the 4th of July and experienced the family thing.

I dropped a dress size

On my Friday Funk post I mentioned that I had committed to going out with a girl who I had reservations about. I did go out with her and a big bunch of her friends last Saturday night. I had an OK time but only because I was still a little down. Princess called me Tuesday night and asked if I wanted to join her and her friend for a drink and I almost said no but decided to go instead. My hesitation was because again I was feeling really in the dumps. I was feeling more lonely than ever because my company announced that they were taking all of us and our spouses or significant other on a weekend trip, all expenses paid. I am the only one in our company without a spouse or significant other and it bothered me. So, when Princess invited me to go out. I said YES with the attitude that I was going to talk to every man that I met. Me and Princess made a joke of it and said I was taking applications for an escort. It was a great way to meet people and I have to admit that I had an awesome time. I laughed so much at myself and some of the potential applicants.

Later that night a young man came in and I noticed his necklace. His necklace brought back a memory that to some might be a bad one but to me it was a very good memory. The necklace this young man was wearing was exactly like a necklace that I stole when I was 14 years old. The only diffence in the two necklace's was that the one that I stole had a wooden disk and his was made of metal. I guess I must have gotten over excited about his necklace because he took it off and said I could have it. I put it on and thanked him. I tried to tell him why the necklace meant so much to me but it was crowded and he had some friends and I can't go from point A to point B without 1st visiting point C, D and E. It would have taken way to long. So, to the young man in the medical fatigues, this is for you. Thank You! The reason my memory of a stolen necklace was so good is not because I stole it and didn't get caught, it was because I stole it and DID get caught. It was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I was in JC Penney's with some friends who were on the wrong path. They were all doing it so I figured that I would too. I got caught and they didn't. The security guard called my Dad and told him that he would have to come get me. My Dad came down to the store and let me say, back then it was OK to spank a child and I nearly wet my pants because I feared the belt that I would get when I got home. Daddy surprised me. He was very calm and asked how much the necklace was. He paid the $2.99 and turned to me and told me to put it on. I did as I was told and then he said he better not catch me with that necklace off of my neck for 6 months. He said I had to shower in it, sleep in it, wear it all the time NO EXCEPTIONS! It was leather and wood so there was no way it was going to rust. It was such an unusual looking necklace back in 1974 that anyone who saw it on me, automatically said something about it, which reminded me of just how it was that I came to have it around my neck. I did wear that necklace for 6 months. After that I threw it away. When I saw the necklace on this guy, I remembered how after that day, I thought twice before doing things that I knew better about. It was one of the best life's lessons Daddy could have taught me.

I don't think I want to elaborate right now about the sex that I had later that night. I will just say that I didn't have sex with me, myself and I. And I didn't have sex with the young man who gave me the necklace but it was DAMN GOOD!

Wednesday Princess called me and asked me to join her and her friend by the pool and I did, this time without hesitation. Because after the necklace thing, I was reminded of the many things in life that I have learned and one of them was not to judge people. We laid out by the pool till Trickster called and asked where I was. So, I left the pool and went to my second family's house to party like a rock star and eat goat stew. Love that family!

Today I went shopping and had to buy a size smaller!

Today life is good!

Dear Doctor from the Hump

2007-07-05T14:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Doctor or nurse or medical field specialist. I just wanted to let you know that if you are looking for my post about the necklace that you gave me, I have been swamped but will post a special blog just for you soon. Thanks so much, what you gave me was more than a necklace!

Friday Funk

2007-06-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. I wish I had something interesting to say but I don't. The Cake Lady is in a Funk. I have been in a funk all week and I just don't know why. I'm not upset about anything. My weight is still looking good. I can't even seem to get upset when I need to be upset. My neighbors back yard is out of control and ordinarily I would be on the phone calling the city but my demeanor right now is "who gives a shit"? Apparently they don't. This is nothing new about the neighbors not giving a shit about their yard. I have to call the city 3 or 4 times every summer. It's not just tall grass, it's turned into a jungle. I should take a picture and post it here.

I think that I feel a little lost and probably need a hobby. Remember several posts back I said that Mr. Mustang would definitely not be Mr Cake Lady but I would love him forever? Then later on I mentioned that I spent Sunday afternoon with Mr. Mustang? Well what I didn't mention was that Mr. Mustang has found another friend. It hurt a little but I sure don't want to be with someone who wants to be with someone else. I know a lot of you folks would say "piss on him" but I'm not that kind of person. I can't hate him because he wants to be with someone else instead of me. It was so very comfortable for me to be with him. I'm comfortable with Mr. Florida but he lives 650 miles away. Talking about this I realize what my funk is. I'm lonely. I guess it's time for my girl friends to start pimping me.

Saturday night I'm going out with some girls. Actually I only know one of them and I don't know her very well but she has always been really nice to me. We are just a little different in our thinking. She doesn't care what people think of her and I worry all the time about what people think of me. The last time that I met up with her, I had a backup plan and used it. I need to be a little more like her. She always asks me to go out with her and I usually can't and have a valid reason. This time I don't have a reason not to go. I wish I could get excited about Saturday night.

It Is Not A Love Song!

2007-06-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

It's not a love song. Or is it? If I see a yellow rose and someone who is color blind sees the same rose. He doesn't see yellow. It's a yellow rose to me and a gray rose to him. Who is right and who is wrong?

Wish you were here by Pink Floyd. Is it a song about missing someone that you love? I always thought it was a very sad song about 2 lovers that could not be together and I still do. Mr. Florida however has a different view of the song. So what if he has heard every interview by Roger Waters. If I think it's a love song about missing someone then that is what it is to me. Per Wikipedia Wish You Were Here is universal: it is directed at anyone who is missing a special person from their life.

This is one of those post that I'm compelled to talk about (much like proclivities). I have heard this song about 10 times in the last 3 days and just recently a friend put this song on his profile. What do you think? Is it a sad love song about missing someone or does it refer to Syd Barrett and his fall from reality? Is it a yellow rose or a gray rose?

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? And did they get you to trade Your heros for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange A walk on part in the war For a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.

Borrowed Magic

2007-06-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I had the the pleasure of crossing paths with 2 little girls. I didn't know either one of them. We just happen to be in the same place at the same time. While I was relaxing in the hot tub drinking my big gulp margarita a little girl came into the pool area. I'm guessing she was no more than 5 years old. She looked at me and smiled and I smiled back. She was dressed in a cute little bright pink bathing suit and had on some matching water wings. She got to the pool area before her mother did and waited by the edge of the pool turning around about every 10 seconds watching and waiting anxiously for her mother to hurry up and get there so she could get in the pool. Her Mom finally got there which didn't take any longer than a minute but I could see from this little girls perspective it must have been an eternity. When her Mom was seated at the pool side table the little girl gave her Mom that look that said "Can I"? Her Mom nodded the OK and the smile that came across that child's face was enough to make me want to get up and go hug the little girl to pieces because her smile spread right into my soul. She stood there for a second to make sure that everyone was watching before she jumped in the pool. Her squeal of delight made me think back to my own children when they were that age. I also thought about Egan and how if he could have experienced this scene that he too would be just like that little girl and could barely contain himself with excitement of just what his baby Anna will bring to him. You don't have to have children to understand and recognize what simple things can make children happy. This little scene made me so happy that I almost cried. Thank you little girl in the pink bathing suit with matching water wings.

The next day during our trip to Tybee Lighthouse we stood in line behind a family of 5. Mom, Dad, 2 boys about 9 and 12 and another cute little girl about 5. The 1st thing that I observed about this family is how well behaved the children were. The little girl was very anxious to go up to the top of the light house and kept easing inside the door. Her mother would remind her to come back and only once did her mother have to do the 1-2-3 count but little Maddie (I think that was her name) was back before her mother got to 3. Their time finally came and off they went. Me and Mr. Florida were not far behind. Or I should say Mr. Florida was not far behind, as stated in yesterdays post he was taking the steps 2 at a time while I huffed and puffed all the way up. When I finally got to the top there stood Maddie and her mother. Maddie was crying crocodile tears because after she got up there and saw how high she was, she got scared. It just broke my heart and I felt compelled to do something to help Maddie so I looked down at her and asked if she would take my picture. You could just see the thought process going through her head and the tears stopped almost immediately. She said she wanted to and her mother just gave me this smile that said Thank You. I walked out the door to the outside of the lighthouse and Maddie followed to the edge of the door. I squatted down and hooked the camera around her wrist and showed her what button to push. Maddie was all smiles as she took our picture. I asked if she wanted to come outside and take our picture and without hesitation she said yes. So she took a few more pictures and I asked her to take a picture of the ocean and she gladly did. I thanked her and asked if I could have my picture taken with her and she said yes. This will probably be the only picture that I post of myself on here so take a good look at me and Maddie because most likely I will remove it soon.

This weekend I borrowed the magic that children bring and it filled my heart and soul. Egan, I can hardly wait to hear about the magic that your baby Anna brings you and your wife.

Footnote :-) I did remove the picture of me and Maddie and replaced it with this footnote. Ha Ha Ha. I just crack myself up.

Savannah Sightings

2007-06-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

It has been reported that two individuals who very much resemble The Cake Lady and Mr. Florida were spotted in Savannah having a ridiculously fun time!

I left work early on Wednesday and met Mr. Florida in Atlanta that night. He greeted me with a bottle of easy on the pocket bottle of Chardonnay and a tray of California Spring Rolls. We dined in the room and then we dined in the room.

Thursday we arrived in Savannah and checked into the Marriott. I was really impressed that he was able to get a room that over looked the river. We drug our chairs out on the balcony and relaxed. I made myself a super gulp size margarita. He felt the urge to do a little work on his computer while I indulged in my drink. I was not real happy about this but over looked it for a bit. After about 30 minutes, I announced that I was going to the pool and he could join me or he could stay there and work. He got the message and joined me on the balcony while I finished my drink. Then we tested out the big comfy bed. The Marriott scores big in the bed department and so did Mr. Florida. Later we went to dinner at some place on the River walk. I don't remember the name of the place but we enjoyed it so much that we went back Saturday night for dinner and had the same thing. I had steamed shrimp and he had raw oysters (both nights).

Friday he again felt compelled to do some work. Since he was paying for this trip I didn't get too bent out of shape about it. I did ask him how long he planned to work and he said only 5 more minutes at least 5 times. While he was working, I hung out on the balcony. Then after he finally finished his work we went exploring historic Savannah. Oh and there was some AM booty in there somewhere before we left. We found an Irish Pub for lunch and dined on Sausage, mashed potatoes and peas. I was pleasantly surprised. Not one of those things are my favorites but I tried it and liked it (except for the green peas, I only eat Lesueur very young small early peas - No exceptions). We shared lunch because I was not very hungry. I really wanted to go to "The Lady and Son's". It is the restaurant that is owned by Paula Dean of the Food Channel. This place starts taking names for lunch starting at 9:30am and again for dinner starting at 3:30pm. He was not at all interested in going there but because he adores me, he said he would. We finished lunch around 2:30 and we were already close to the restaurant so we figured we would just hang out in the area till it was closer to 3:30. We rounded the corner around 2:40pm to find a line as far as we could see. This would be the line you stand in to put your name on a list, so you can come back later and stand in line to wait for your name to be called. Mr. Florida without hesitation said "Hell No". And, I had to agree with him. Stand in line for over an hour to put your name on a list only to come back and stand in line again till your name is called - WTF??? I was disappointed but got over it. I can be reasonable, unless I'm hungry (read further). Then we went back to the hotel and found ourselves at the hot tub. After relaxing in the hot tub we went back to the room, got dressed and ventured out for dinner. While we were in the Hot Tub we were talking to another couple who had suggested that we go back to "The Lady and Son's around 8:oopm and ask to sit at the bar. Perfect Solution! Well, Mr. Florida really wasn't into this but again because he adores me, he let me have my way. Is anyone familiar with the Homeland Security color alerts? If you are not they are as follows:

Low = Green
Guarded = Blue
Elevated = Yellow
High = Orange
Severe = Red

We left the Hotel around 7:30 and proceed to walk to The Ladies and Son's. Somewhere along the way I started having Code Blue hunger pains, in less than 10 minutes I was at code Yellow. Mr. Florida was trying to make conversation with me, hold hands, small kisses and that stuff and I was not being very nice. I'll go ahead and tell you that I was a Bitch. I told him that I was sorry but I needed to eat and very soon. He had never seen me in this condition and I think he was maybe a little worried I might just take bite of him. We arrived at the Lady and Son's, asked to be seated at the bar, only to be told they were full and we could wait and they promised it would not be long. Alert! Alert! Alert! Code Orange! Code Orange! I am getting bitchier by the minute but was determined to eat there. As we are waiting impatiently I look in the window and see a freaking buffet. I am so pissed now. I can't believe this. They charge $20.00 for a buffet which very much resembled a ghetto mess (quoted from a local). I asked if we could order off the menu and the rude bitch who made us wait said yes and told us that we could now have the golden ticket to get us in the doors. We went in and were seated at the bar and given menus. I couldn't believe it when I saw the menu. Nothing on this menu was any different than what we had previously had in Savannah. I mean, come on! This is Paula Dean. Where is the pot roast? Where is the fried Chicken??? I'll tell you where it was. It was on the $20.00 ghetto mess buffet. I looked at Mr. Florida and this time I said "Hell No", I'm not eating here. Of course he is looking at me like WTF? You are the one who had a Hissy Fit to come here. After giving me the disbelieving look and I returned his look, he stood up and helped me out of my chair. He asked where I wanted to eat and I said, I don't care in the most ugly tone you can imagine. Yes, The Cake Lady was now at Code RED. I told him not to ask me anything again till we were seated for dinner. We stopped at the first place we came to which was a Vietnamese place. I was so damned glad to be there. I ordered a drink and an appetizer. I told him I could not think until I had food. As soon as I got a couple of bites of some sort of rice paper spring roll, I returned back to normal and apologized for my alarming behavior. He forgave me and said he would start carrying an emergency food pack with him in the future. We finished dinner and went back to the room and tested out the bed again to make sure someone had not switched it while we were out. It still worked just fine and so did Mr. Florida.

Saturday - The floor that we stayed on was the executive Hanky Swanky floor and served complimentary continental breakfast and finger foods and drinks in the evening. Saturday morning after I woke him up properly, I decided to go get us some coffee and food. I didn't want to take the chance of getting past code yellow twice. When I got to the reception room on our floor they were out of coffee and it was only 9:00am. I figured I would just go down to the lobby and get some there. I asked the Concierge where the Starbucks was and she gave me this pained look and said she was embarrassed to say that they didn't have a Starbucks or any other coffee shop. She told me that I could go to their restaurant and they would share their coffee with us. She also suggested that I fill out a comment card about not having coffee available in the lobby. I filled out the card as best as I could considering I do not function until after I have my coffee. I was nice and just suggested they get a Starbucks because the coffee in our room would not qualify as real coffee. I dropped the card in the box and off I went to the restaurant. I have my 2 cups of coffee, get on the elevator and realize I can't get to the 8th floor without my room card. I didn't have my phone and was barely dressed because initially I thought I would just be going around the corner for coffee. I went back to the check in desk and asked if someone could accompany me to the elevator with a card and let me back up. The man that I asked said that he was so sorry that I had to go to so much trouble to get coffee and handed me 2 complimentary breakfast coupons for their restaurant. I was pleasantly surprised and thanked him again and again. He walked me to the elevator and even carried one of the coffee's for me. I highly recommend the Marriott on the River Walk in Savannah. After we finished our yummy free breakfast, we went to Tybee Island. We visited the Tybee Island light house Damn am I out of shape. I climbed all 178 stairs, huffing and puffing the whole way while Mr. Florida was taking the stairs 2 at a time. He got to the top and yells down "Honey, they have an emergency kit up here, come on up. Every thing will be fine" Ass Hole! I made it to the top and the view was beautiful. Well worth the climb. After that we found a Tiki bar across the parking lot in front of the ocean. We ventured over there and stayed for a long time and hung out on the beach for a while too. About 4:00 we were wiped out and went back to the hotel and got in the hot tub. Can you tell we are big fans of the hot tub? Later we got dressed and went back to the same restaurant and had steamed shrimp and raw oysters again. Bought a few souvenirs and went back to the room. We didn't want to take a chance on anyone taking that bed.

Sunday we said good bye!

Overall it was a really good trip. I only had to get on to him a hand full of times for his mouth and I only went to code Red once. One interesting thing did happen though. I realized that I am getting happier every day being single.

Check List for Savannah

2007-06-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

Bathing Suits
Beach Towels
10 Gallon Water Jug to hold my Margarita's in
Plastic cups
Cooler
Beach Chair
IPod - oops, I don't have one of those, DAMN IT!
BOB
Extra Batteries
Sunscreen
Tequila
Mixer for Tequila - Oh hell, why bother??? That is just extra calories that I don't need.
Tylenol
Good walking shoes
Good dancing shoes
Little Black Dress
Assortment of cute clothes - I could give a very detailed list here but I'll just pass for now. Except I just have to mention the new camouflage tank top with little rhinestones around the neck and the cotton olive shorts with little pockets on the side that just make my ghetto bootie look ever so good!
Camera
Cosmo
Good trashy novel to listen to on the way over there.

I think that should about do it!

This should be an interesting trip! Mr. Florida and I could not be more opposite of each other but we have a good time together. It's only when he opens his mouth to speak that we have a problem. I just have to remind him that he is not the ruler of this country or any other country and let it go. He does, and thanks me for reminding him. What a man!
I have also given him strict instructions that he is not allowed to watch FOX news at any time while I am with him. He gets really worked up over things that he just can't change. He suggested that we just have sex while watching the baseball games, and do it doggy style so we can both watch the game. Yep - I got me a winner here!

Full Blown Attack

2007-06-10T14:54:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday and everything is good, except for the one small detail. I am alone.

Random Thoughts by The Cake Lady

2007-06-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

It seems like it's been a long time since I had something good to post about so I have resorted to the ramblings in my mind. I'm hoping if I post about this stuff and get it out of my head and on paper, then I will get some new things going on in my head.

I spent Sunday afternoon with Mr. Mustang. Unfortunately there was no sex involved but I did enjoy the day. He took me to lunch in Decatur. We went to a little BBQ place called Big Bob Gibson's. Then we visited the boat docks and walked out on the Pier to admire the water. I just can't get enough of the water. We then road around in the country and then went back to his house and watched a movie. I do love this man even if he will never be Mr. Cake Lady. And I think I am OK with that. He makes a great friend.

Asshole announced that he plans to take me to court next summer to make me pay 1/2 of college for the piglets. He said he might not win but will make damn sure I spend every dime I have fighting him. I don't know. I think he might still be bitter.

Queenie will only be a Junior in High School next year. I don't agree with her taking a couple of college courses during the summer just for the sake of getting them out of the way. She already is under so much pressure that she has full blown true migraines and has to take Rx medication. It blows my mind that Asshole can't see that putting her in college during high school can only add to her stress. She has a whole year. Maybe he will have a change of mind by then.

Queenie continues to berate me for....well pretty much every thing.

GI Joe continues to fight with me about his summer reading. He can't seem to understand that the reading is required so that his brain doesn't turn to mush over the summer.

63 Days left till school starts.

I have so much tension in my right shoulder that I'm beginning to hunch over.

Mr. Florida sent me a beautiful bouquet of red flowers for no reason at all. That was a nice surprise. He is taking me to Savannah for a long weekend next weekend. Too bad he lives 650 miles away. He even likes my kids. He not only loves me but he likes me too. Oh well, if it's meant to be then it will be and if it's not then it's not.

I have a 22 year old stalker that lives down the street from me. I told him that I want nothing to do with him but all he says is "I like older woman". Hello!!!! did he hear me? I want nothing to do with this kid.

I saw Mr. Shark the other day and his eyes are still as kind as they always were.

I have lost some more weight. I am feeling more like my old self.

I used the last of my Vickie's Secret gift certificate the other day and bought new panties. It's just amazing what new panties will do for me. I have every color you can think of except white. And I don't ever want any more white panties. Even when I'm wearing white pants. I want to wear my purple and yellow polka dotted panties with my white pants. Besides, I don't think White is a color.

I just paid my bills and have $83.67 left in my account till July 1st.

I know most of this stuff sounds really negative but all in all, I feel OK. Except for the tension in my shoulder and the fact that I am tired, but I know all of this could be worse.

Life's Lessons

2007-05-31T13:43:00.000-07:00

Today Queenie got me upset to the point that I wanted to start banging my head against the wall because the pain in my head would surely feel better than the pain a 16 year old can cause her mother. I doubt there are any 16 year olds out there reading my blog but if you are then pay attention to this one. You know very little about life or I hope you don't and that is a blessing. A 16 year old is still young. You should take your time and enjoy your youth. Life's lessons will be there for you down the road. You will probably not recognize them right now but one day you will think back and say "now I understand what my mother was saying".

The most important lesson is that you can not possibly judge someone until you walk in their shoes. I know it's an old cliché but it is true. My Mother had an affair and divorced my Father for a horrible man. I resented my mother for many years. I loved her but didn't like her. I thanked God every night that she didn't marry this man whom she had the affair with. I resented her for many things and 1 of them was for having the affair. It never occurred to me that she was not happy with my Father. I didn't have an affair but I am certain that I would have had one if I didn't divorce Queenie's father. It was when I divorced 5 years ago that I was able to understand and forgive my mother.

I hope that one of the lessons that I teach Queenie is that she always has a choice. I choose not to be miserable. Today during our heated discussion she made a remark about Love lasting forever and I told her that was not true, that sometimes it doesn't last. She pointed out that her fathers parents marriage had lasted for over 60 years and I asked her if that was the kind of relationship that she wanted to have forever. That struck a nerve in her and then her claws came out. She knew I had a point. We both expect that one day the phone will ring and it will be the coroner telling us that her grand parents have killed each other. Who wants to have that kind of a relationship for the sake of saying "it lasted"? I told her that I made the choice to be happy and I had no regrets. Of course that didn't set well with Queenie. I told her that at 16 she can not possibly understand what it's like to make choices in ending a marriage.

Queenie said I have not taught her any life lessons. If I teach her anything, I hope I teach her that she has choices in everything. Not to say if something is not going her way just to jump ship and run. I mean that if something is going bad, I hope she steps back and takes an objective look at the situation and asks herself. Can this be fixed? If so, fix it. If it can't be fixed then I hope she moves on.

I hope she can see that money is not the answer to everything. Sure, it helps but it is not a fix all. Just because a parent doesn't have the money to send a child to college does not mean that they can't go. There are student loans, grants, scholarships and probably some things that I don't even know about. The point is, don't blame your parents for not being able to pay for it.

I hope Queenie will one day look back and see the accomplishments that I have done all on my own, no physical or financial help from anyone. How many woman can repair toilets, fix lawn mowers, mend clothes, pay a Mortgage, Utilities, Car Payment, Groceries and still find money to give her kids for movies and dinner? I am proud of what I have accomplished.

Don't blame others for what is missing in your life. If you want it, it's up to you to get it.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to make the best of what you have.

The Demons are Back

2007-05-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

I hate long weekends because I almost always spend them alone. All and all it wasn't too terribly bad this weekend except for the panic attack Sunday night. It's been a while and I guess I was due one. I wish that I knew what brings them on but I don't. GI Joe and Queenie went back to their Dads house Sunday night around 6pm just like they always do. I was fine for a while. I was laying on the couch watching TV and got sleepy, so I shut my eyes to sleep. My couch is so cushioned that I was uncomfortable. I laid there as long as I could until I was miserable. Miserable because I knew that if I just went and got in the bed that physically I would be more comfortable and miserable because I also knew that when I got into bed that the demon would be there to torment me. Luckily I have quit flying in the night. That really scared me when I would wake up and see myself flying in the air.

Just the mere thought of laying in my bed alone brought panic. It's not like I even hear things that are not there. I don't hear anything. I just get the feeling that someone is watching me. Then I start imagining things. I finally fell asleep sometime after 3:30am.

Monday was better. I bought myself a new power tool and not the kind that we ladies call "BOB". I bought a palm sander to use on my ceilings to smooth the sheet rock mud that I have applied. It's pathetic that a palm sander can bring me so much joy. That statement right there should tell you just how lonely that I am. Later I went to dinner with Jewels and her family and all I can say is that I love that bunch. Jewels has always said that God has a special place for me in Heaven but I believe he has a special place for all of us. I wonder if there is a loony bin in Heaven for us special people?

I have a post it note tacked on my office wall that has some things that I would like to do in my life. Someone came into my office one day, saw the note and added a line that said "Talk to Someone Tonight". I am a bit too guarded and I'm trying to break out. They say don't judge a book by it's cover and I really try not too. Friday night the kids both had plans so there I was at home by myself. Later Aunt J called and asked me to join her for a drink and so I did. She and I and a bunch of her other friends were listening to a band and a really tall good looking guy started talking to me. My first instinct was to blow him off because he was not what I typically liked in a man but decided to talk to him. As it turns out, I really liked him and he was TALL!! (I'm 5'8"). Aunt J and the rest of the gang decided to go a few blocks to another little bar, so I asked the new guy "Mr. Rude (a play on his real name)" if he wanted to join us and he said yes. I told him that I would see him there and he said why not just ride with him on his new Harley. Now, I am not a motor riding chick by any stretch of the imagination. That falls under the unsafe/I'm not in control category, but Mr. Rude had made me feel so good that I thought "what the hell, might as well". I know, I know getting on the back of a Harley or in a car with someone that I don't know is not a good idea but people do it all the time, so I decided to just go with it.

We both needed to pee before we left so we parted at the bathroom door and I said I'll meet you outside. I came out of the bathroom and I waited and waited, but no sign of Mr. Rude. I went outside where his Harley was (he had already showed it to me) and it was gone. I was so let down. I couldn't believe he left. Worse yet, I couldn't believe that I misjudged him to be a decent man. So there I am by myself with no car, I got a taxi and met Aunt J and the rest of the gang. They were as shocked as me that he left me. They had spoke to him too and Aunt J had given the OK. Oh well, maybe it was best that he left me. After all, I didn't need to be going someplace with a man that I had only known for 2 hours. I'm just going to look at this a one less horny toad to be kissed!

Thirteen

2007-05-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

I didn't think I could trust myself anymore. For the longest I prided myself in being able to look deep into my soul and know what is best for me, even when the best sometimes hurts me. Maybe I just got tired of hurting and let things in that I have avoided for so long like love. There are so many kinds of love. There is the love for my children, there is love for a man, there is love for animals, there is love of flowers and there is love for thyself.

I watched a movie tonight that disturbed me on so many levels. The movie was Thirteen. It's been out for a few years, probably since Queenie was 13. She and her BFF always asked me to rent it for them but after looking at the description, I decided it was not something a Thirteen or Fourteen or Fifteen or Sixteen year old should see. Queenie is 16 now and opened her own account at Movie Gallery. Yesterday when I picked Queenie and GI Joe up from her Dad's house she said she had rented the movie Thirteen. She said she and BFF had watched it and admitted that she was glad that I didn't let her watch the movie when she had asked to. Parents, there is a reason for that Rated R. I am glad that Queenie admitted to me that the movie was far too advanced for her and BFF. I decided to watch it tonight to see what it was that I didn't want her to see. It was worse than I feared. It totally scared the hell out of me. So much went on in this movie about 2 Thirteen year old girls. I felt sick afterwards for the characters because I know that this really does happen.

I am fortunate that I have raised Queenie to think beyond the moment (except for what she did a few months ago). She and I are pretty good Chess players. In 6th grade her school hosted a Chess tournament for parent and child. She entered us and although we didn't win, we did very well. We came in second. Her 6th grade year book has a great picture in there of Queenie and me in deep thought about what our next move would be. I think that is pretty much how I live my life. What is my next move going to be? Should I go back to where I was several years ago? I don't think so. Should I get rid of my cat because she is evil? Probably so, but I adopted her and I just can't throw her back because she is evil. Should I throw out my plants because they have yellow leaves on them? I don't think so because I can pinch off the yellow leaves and see their beauty. Should I just go to sleep and never wake up to deal with all the hurt? I don't think so. I have a yellow rose bush that Queenie and GI Joe gave me last year for mothers day. If I went to sleep I wouldn't see the tiny bloom that is sprouting right now. If I went to sleep I wouldn't see my turtle Jinges growing and changing colors. If I went to sleep I wouldn't get to experience that natural high that I get when a man just looks at you when we are making love and the look tells you what the words don't. If I went to sleep I wouldn't be able to talk to and guide my children in a positive direction.

I have seen the ugly in many things, but somehow I seem to manage to turn the ugly into something beautiful. I guess I'm OK tonight.

Memories

2007-05-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

I hope that all you Mothers had a great day yesterday! Yesterday was not the best Mothers Day that I have had, however it could have been worse. Last night as I sat on the couch I starting thinking about some of the things that I hope will be lasting memories for me. I'm going to write about a few of them, so later when my memory is completely gone I can tell my kids about this blog. Hopefully at that time they will be old and mature enough to handle some of the things that they will read on some of my other posts.

My mother, my Sister, me and Queenie used to go to Piccadilly Cafe for lunch every Saturday. After lunch Mama, Sis and and I would put on lipstick. Queenie would not stand for this. She had to put lipstick on too. She looked like a petite little woman and what skill she had at 2 years old. She put it on like a professional.

When GI Joe was about 4 we wondered about his sexual orientation. He loved for me to paint his toes and nails. He wore my high heels and was typically a Mama's boy. He used to come get in my lap and tell me he wanted to lay on my pillows (my breast). One afternoon he came walking into the living room with his painted toes and nails, wearing my heels and he stopped dead in his tracks, sort of like a deer caught in the headlights. The TV was on the Country Music Channel and Shania Twain was on a video singing "You Win My Love". He stopped, sat in the floor and said "She is beautiful". He didn't move for a long time. I thought he was in a trance. I never worried about his sexuality after that.

For Queenie's 3rd Birthday we bought her one of those battery powered Red Jeep's. She had so much fun driving that thing. Her Dad and I would walk to his parents house a few blocks away and Queenie would be right beside us driving. She never had a problem distinguishing her left from her right and obeyed all the driving rules. She is now 16 and is a good driver and I truly think that this Jeep at such an early age played a big part of her driving skills.

When GI Joe got about that age we passed the Jeep down to him. Let's just say that to this day during football his coach has to put a L and R on his hands because he still has trouble knowing left from right. He ran that thing into the house because he couldn't just his distance. If that is a sign of things to come then our insurance is going to be sky high!

When GI Joe was about 7 or 8 he received a Birthday card from Mama. It was a little sappy and when he sat down and read the card, tears just started rolling. I asked him what was wrong and he said the card just touched his heart. Yes, GI Joe is kind and soft hearted unlike his sister Queenie who seriously scares me in her ways of thinking. She is very book smart but sometimes her common sense is just plain stupid.

One Christmas Queenie received an Alabama law book from Mama. It belonged to my Great Great Grandfather. She was so proud of that book. She read it for hours. Oh, as soon as Queenie could talk I told her that she should be an Attorney because they got paid to argue. It stuck, she plans to be a lawyer.

When Queenie was 4 years old she was playing on the Jungle Jim in our back yard. She fell off of it and came crying to us and telling us that her arm was broken. We asked her if she could move it in different directions and she said she could but it hurt. Queenie is quite the drama queen. Her kindergarten teacher told her that she had more aches and pains than Granny Grunch. doing her 1st ballet with a broken arm. She stopped crying and continued to play all the while holding her arm. The next day I took her to day care and about 2 hours later I get a call from her teacher, and she tells me the Queenie is complaining that her arm is broken. I remember all to well sighing out loud and in frustration said "OK, I will take her to the Doctor". I took her to the Doctor and sure as shit it was broken. When we asked her to move it, we failed to have her move it in a certain direction. I felt so guilty but in my defense Queenie could have starred in that story book "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". Queenie had her 1st dance recital 3 days later. She was so cute up there on stage in her little tootoo and that white cast on her arm stood out like a soar thumb. For several weeks after the recital people would stop us in the mall and the grocery store and ask if she was the little girl who danced with the broken arm.

The first year that GI Joe played baseball or T-ball at that age, he looked so cute standing out in the field. His cap was all askew and he was watching so hard for the ball. It nearly hit him in the head.

I think Queenie was about 9 and my sister read her a Christmas story about a broken bell and only children could hear the bell because they were the only ones with Christmas spirit. After hearing the story, I tied a small bell on a card and hung it on the tree. On Christmas morning she saw it and rang it. I told her that I couldn't hear it. She was so amazed. She carried that bell around for weeks. A couple of times I almost slipped. I finally had to snag it from her and put it up for her to have when she has kids of her own.

One Easter we visited Asshole's Sister and her husband (I still love them) at their mountain house in North Carolina. GI Joe was so upset because he was afraid the Easter bunny could not find him. We assured him that the Easter bunny showed up where ever he had a basket. He was so surprised on Easter morning when he woke up to find all the goodies that the bunny had left for him.

We went to WDW when Queenie was about 9 and GI Joe would have been about 4. We were so worried about GI Joe getting separated from us. We drilled him the entire way down there (11 hour drive) and told him that if he got lost from us that he should find a WDW employee and them them that he was lost. We were at MGM studio watching the most spectacular light show I have ever seen. It was magical. We all got up to leave, walked to the end of the exit. We looked down and I said where is Queenie? Mama had GI Joe in the stroller. Asshole said I thought she was with you. I said no, she was with you. I panicked. If you have ever been to WDW you have seen the masses of people. It took me 10 minutes to fight the crown coming out. When I got back to the stage there was no Queenie. I alerted one of the employee's and a few minutes later they radioed that she was found. The took me to her. It never occurred to me that Queenie would get separated from us. Thank God she was listening to what we were saying to GI Joe and a big thanks to the WDW employees.

The first time that GI Joe flew he was 9. He was very scared, didn't want any part of it. I assured him that all would be OK. He was so nervous. We went through the security check where I want off. It was so noisy. I tried to tell him to hold up and wait for me but he didn't hear me. When he finally did realize that he was alone he turned around and saw the airport security patting me down. If he wasn't worked up already, this put him over the edge. They would not let him come back to me. It was horrible. I was screaming for him to be calm and I would be right there and that I was OK. He somehow managed to get in the wrong terminal and security would not let me go get him. I am all about airport security but this was ridiculous. What did they think he would do? When they finally let me go, I ducked under a bar and headed towards him. That didn't set well at all with security. I guess my Mother voice came out when they caught me. They let us go but it was not a good 1st flying experience for GI Joe.

Funny as the kids get older my memories are not all so sweet. There are still sweet moments but they are not quite so memorable. Treasure all the sweet memories of your children or anyone else that is special to you.

It Came to me!

2007-05-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been sleeping and wake up and see the light bulb in your head flashing on and off? I do this a lot. This morning I woke up to the flashing light of a mistake that I made on one of my blog post. I am such a perfectionist. A few blogs back I posted about Baseball and spoke of Darryl Strawberry and remember his debut with the braves. Guess what???? I woke up this morning and it hit me. Darryl Strawberry never played for the Atlanta Braves. It was Deion Sanders that I was thinking of when I wrote that blog. Somehow Darryl Strawberry got in my head. At least I got the Initials correct (D.S.). Let me apologize to any of you Baseball fans out there. I'm not going to correct the blog now, but I will go add a note in case someone who hasn't read it, does read it. Hopefully they will not be thinking what a dumb blonde! Just a dumb blonde moment.

Excavation!

2007-05-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

OK - so I agree to go to dinner with someone who I met via the Internet. He doesn't live anywhere close to me, so I'm thinking. OK Cake Lady just go out and have a good time. I meet Mr. Excavation at a really cool restaurant close to where I am staying. I get there, find him and sit down. I had not been sitting more than 30 seconds and he starts excavating his nose. I try not to notice, thinking maybe this is some sort of nervous habit. Can you just imagine??? Date can't keep his hands out of his nose. At times he had both fingers going at once. Luckily for me he wasn't doing any deep excavation, but Man keep your damn fingers out and away from your nose! 1, 2, 3 strikes and you are out.

1. I was running late, he called and asked if he should order the pizza. I said yes, just make sure there are no Olives on it. Guess what? There are Olives and apparently my dislike for Olives just went right over his head.

2. Continuous excavation of the nose.

3. I offered to pay part of the bill and he said I could leave the tip. I did a good job of hiding my surprise. Sorry folks, I am from the South. We offer because it is polite but never would I expect anyone to take me up on it. And if they did - well strike 3, you are out!!!!

I am Thankful that we do not live in the same town. He asked me if I had plans for tomorrow and I said YES. I don't really have any plans but I will find some!

Oh and one more thing. When we were walking to the parking lot, I looked down and saw some money on the ground. I picked it up. $15.00. I looked around to see if anyone around me could have dropped it. No one was in site, so I said what should I do. We both agreed that it would never get to the rightful owner if I were to take it into the restaurant. But he made a comment about me getting lucky with dinner and finding money. I should have told him that that 1st slice of pizza didn't accidentally fall on the ground. I accidentally on purpose let it drop. I was not about to eat a slice of pizza from excavation fingers. I got my own slice from the opposite side.

Adventures of The Cake Lady

2007-05-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned for the adventures of The Cake Lady.

My next post might be heart breaking so for the week of heart, don't read my next post. I say it will be heart breaking because my heart is breaking right now. I hope I have the courage to write what needs to be said and that someone else can benefit from my bad fortune. I am in Fort Walton Beach, FL as I write this. I am by myself and that doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. It was a call to my sister that has me hurting so badly that I want to die. Yes, I said it. I want to die. I'm not going to do anything that can't be reversed. I just want to write it in hopes that I will feel better. I am so tired of trying to hide my feelings to protect others.

Edit- i just spoke to Trick and I feel much better, going to enjoy my date tonight.

Another Edit - I have yet another validation as to why I don't have high expectations when it comes to men. As I said earlier I am on a mini vacation. I met this man via the Internet. We have spoke via Internet and exchanged pictures. Most of my initial fears when I meet a man are of the physical nature. Meaning, will I be safe with this man. After tonight I now have a new fear. See next blog!

What's a woman to do?

2007-05-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hello out there in cyber world. I've been rather blah lately, mainly it has to do with this weekend. I have been really overworked at my paying job and my job as a Mom is making me physically hurt. My prayers every day include "Dear God - help me to get GI Joe through 6th grade and help Queenie to understand that I am not heartless".

I wanted to do something this weekend with Mr. Mustang but he has already made plans. Oh and just in case you haven't seen all my blogs. Mr. Mustang has definitely not made the cut for future Mr. Cake Lady but he did make the cut for friends with benefits. I just wanted to go to Florida for a quick suds and sand trip. You know just lay on the beach, drink Margarita's and pee in the ocean. You know the drill. My back up girl friends Trick, Aunt J & Rach have plans too. I am seriously thinking of putting sign in my front yard that reads "Wanted someone to hang with on the beach for a couple of days". I could get to know some of my male friends a little more but I'm afraid they will take it that I am inviting them to share my bed. It's kinds hard to ask them to go to Florida with me and say we'll share a room but not a bed. When I say that in my head, I'm thinking they will think "oh sure what ever you say" and they are really thinking that she is just saying that. I mean what woman just asks a man to go to Florida with her and sleep in a separate bed. They will say no. I have a couple of girls friends who might be interested in going but they smoke and I don't want to spend the whole weekend coughing and smelling like smoke. And truth be known, I really would like to share my bed with someone - just not any someone.

I have thought about just going by myself but that surely screams desperate. It's just now Tuesday. Hopefully someone will take pity on me and go with me.

Friday Horror Scope

2007-04-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

Seek the comfort of your home and family. They need your attention right now.

I know that's right! GI Joe has been to the Doctor twice this week for possible broken arm (same arm - different circumstances). Queenie has been boycotting me and my house because she thinks she is teaching me a lesson. What the lesson is, I have not learned yet. She will be forced to come to my house this weekend because her Dad needs some adult time. The comfort that I will seek will be in my cozy bed with the door locked. I will only come out to feed and water the piglets.

You don't have to go out of your way to create a good impression. Just rely on your good timing.

I have some new neighbors that I have not met yet. I hear one of them is a hottie. I figure it will take about 30 steps from my door to theirs. I've been keeping track of when the car is there and when it's not. By the end of this weekend I should know exactly what time I need to be outside pitching the ball to GI Joe and ooops - was that an over throw on my part? I guess I'll just have to go get that ball!! Dammit :-)

Romance is lovey-dovey, but it's important to bring a little practicality to bear, too right now.

Thank You!!!! It is practical that I have some sex some time soon. I could care less about the party manners. Let's just rip our clothes off and get with it!

People need a little more love than usual today, so force a big smile when the time seems right.

I am sure there is someone out there who needs the same kind of Love that I need today, yesterday, tomorrow, next week! If that neighbor is a hottie then I might have to accidentally throw the ball through a window. Then force that smile and ask to cum in and survey the damage!

Proclivities

2007-04-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

My post today was going to be about something else but I changed my mind after seeing the word Proclivity 3 times today. Something tells me I need to post about Proclivities.

Proclivity:
an inclination or predisposition toward something; especially : a strong inherent inclination toward something objectionable. A habitual attraction to some activity or thing.

I have a proclivity for a vanilla milk shake.

My proclivity to become a cook has not yet manifested.

My proclivity to adorn my breast with daisies is not kinky. Is it?

I have a proclivity to fall for men who don't fall back for me.

My proclivity for odd foods shows when I order a beer and a chocolate chip cookie.

My proclivity for earth shattering sex caused me to scale a wall last week.

There done!

For those who actually know me, please do not flog or shoot me.

2007-04-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying how very sorry I am for all the people who lost their life in the horrific tragedy at Virginia Tech last week. My heart and prayers truly go out to them and to their friends and families.

I met a young man this weekend (Nick) who just returned from Iraq and he too has the same feelings about the people and families that were affected by this tragedy. He then said something that struck a nerve in me and I just can't decide if I agree with him or not. "Why are we flying the nations flag at half-staff"? Flag etiquette states that our flag is to be flown at half-staff upon the death of principal figures of the United States Government and the Governor of a State, territory, or possession, as a mark of respect to their memory. In the event of the death of other officials or foreign dignitaries, the flag is to be displayed at half-staff according to Presidential orders, or in accordance with recognized customs or practices not inconsistent with law. Nick felt that by doing this for the massacre at Virginia Tech that it took away from what the half-staff is to truly represent. Although our president did order this flying of half-staff, I still wonder if he has forgotten the rules. This is not the 1st time that the flag has been flown at half-staff when it didn't meet the guidelines. This is just the 1st time that I heard the concerns from one of our nations active military. Maybe he was still raw from what he endured while in Iraq? I don't know but it did make me wonder. What are your feelings about this?

Half-Staff Dates and Flag Rules

Friday's Horror Scope

2007-04-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

Why talk when you can sing? Try to be more creative with how you communicate today.

Oh my gosh, I am so glad that I choose to blog about my horror scope. I can sing, I had no idea???? Let's see. I need to be more creative in how I communicate today. How can I creatively say "Someone please buy my dinner". OK here goes...wear something really sexy (ladies this does help), walk into Ruth's Chris Steak House tonight, be very talkative to just any stranger that will talk to me. OH HELL - that wont work. I don't talk to strangers. I'll just dress sexy and go have dinner and pay for it myself. Then I wont have to deal with some old fart that thinks I want to jump his bones since I let him pay for my dinner. I could just sing. If I did that, then I'm sure someone would pay for me to leave :-)

Talk is cheap. Show what can be done and you'll get people on your side faster than lightning.

What can I do and why do I want people on my side? I could show Queenie how to mop the floor. I could show GI Joe how to pick up his clothes. No - wait...I have done this many times and they still don't see it my way. Horror Scope must be referring to something of a sexual nature. Maybe I'll test this theory out at Ruth's Chris Steak House tonight.

Buh-bye, caution -- have fun on the wind. You're in a mood to do what you want, say what you mean.

Tonight I want to eat Steak, shoot tequila and dance. I suppose I'll throw caution to the wind and sing too.

Your feelings are changing for someone, probably for the better. A friendship is becoming a romance.

If this is true then I'll be meeting a new friend tonight because I am certain that none of my friendships will develop into a romantic relationship. Of course the Tequila does help.

Note to myself - Find out why the Steak House is called Ruth's Chris. Is Chris Ruth's son????

Controlled Substances

2007-04-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up and as usual during this time of year, I can't breath. I live in the Tennessee valley and what that means is that everything falls into the valley is like trash falling in the Dumpster and nothing gets out. So all the pollen in the world has fallen on me and my delicate nostrils. I had to make a Wally World run this morning for our office so I decided that I would kill two birds with one stone and buy my allergy medicine at the same time. The medicine that works best for me is Claritin but the price is absurd, so I buy the Wally World brand that is the same thing but has the Wally World name. OK, it was 8:30 and the pharmacy is closed. It doesn't open till 9:00am. I politely asked the Manager to open the pharmacy and get me my needed "Controlled Substance" after all it's not a prescription. She is nice enough but explains that by law she can not open the pharmacy and get me my drugs. Just knowing that I couldn't have them made it even harder to breath. I bought the drinks for the office and left, huffing and puffing and not because I was mad. I really can't breath. I can understand the need for controlling this drug (not really - I tolerate it) but what I can't understand is that this package that contains Pseudo ephedrine Hydrochloride only has enough doses for 10 days. Our government only allows us to buy 1 package at a time, so I have to go every 10 days to Wally World. For real prescriptions they give you enough to last a month. So, why is it that the government has regulated me to only 10 days worth. You can bet your ass that I will dig deep into this and make some suggestions for improving this regulation. Like allowing people to buy enough for at least a month. Is it just Alabama that has this law? About 2 years ago all the non-prescription allergy medicine was pulled from the counters and put behind the pharmacy counter. I have to show them my license and sign something when I buy this stuff. The reason they did this is because some people buy this stuff in bulk and make Meth. I am not a Meth head nor am I a crack head....however I could have been.

I was lucky. At one time (pre-marriage and babies) I hung out with a bunch of pot smokers and I not only hung out with them but I smoked it too. As a matter of fact I smoked the hell out of it. I remember we were in college and we all scheduled our classes around the soap opera General Hospital, we all met at this guys house every day and got stoned while watching the trials and tribulations of Luke and Laura on General Hosptial. Today Egan and I are on the same track again (sort of) when it comes to what we are blogging about. He asked for us to tell about our experiences so I am.

I really don't remember how it was that I got hooked up with these people but the bottom line was that I fit in. I never felt that I fit in with the preps or the jocks so these people were excepting of me and didn't expect anything out of me other than my friendship. I never even bought any pot. I never really could enjoy getting stoned because I always had the fear of getting caught. It was illegal and I was raised to respect the law. The pot smoking went on for a couple of years then my fiance at that time decided he wanted to try cocaine. At first I didn't try it. But after a while I said what the heck. He laid out a couple of lines and gave me a straw. As I said, I had never tried this before and pretty much stayed away when he was snorting it, so I had no idea how much was an appropriate amount to snort. I snorted it all. Which I was not supposed to do. I had never felt better in my life. When I started to come down, I wanted more. Lucky for me and I do mean Lucky for me there was no more and no way of getting any. I wanted it so bad that I would have probably done sexual favors to get it. The next day I realized just what an affect that it had on me and I decided then and there that I wanted no part of that. Smoking pot was one thing but the way cocaine took over my brain was freaking scary. It was like I invited someone else into my body. Not long after that fiance started shooting up the cocaine and so did most of the others that were in our General Hospital group. I knew then that I was smarter than that and I broke off the engagement. Getting away from that crowd is on my top list of things that I am proud of doing for myself, quite possibly the top of the list. They later graduated and now are Engineers. I don't know if they still do drugs or not but I know for certain that if I had stayed in that crowd that Egan might be watching me on Intervention.

I hope my children never find out about that part of my past. Sometimes I think about what I would say to them if they every said "Mama did you ever do drugs?". I just hope if I were to tell them the truth that they would not try it too just because I did. No, I pray it. Speaking from experience and seeing 1st hand what drugs has done to others, JUST SAY NO!

Baseball Season is Here!!!!

2007-04-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

This is weird I just read a blog by Egan and I was already thinking about posting about baseball. I hope you don't mind. Our outlook on baseball is a little different but it is about the game.

Baseball is possibly the only sport that I can identify with. Most men that I know do not like it because they think it's boring. I find it anything but boring. I think I like it because it's slow enough for me to keep up with and actually understand. I too have liked baseball since I was a kid. Some of my memories are not all that pleasant but I still liked it. My Dad didn't like sports, none of them, not at all. And I never remember my Mother liking them either (when I was young). I am of the female persuasion and as a young girl we didn't have baseball or softball for girls. My first memory of baseball was my PE class in 6th grade. I was a little chunky in 6th grade and I remember playing baseball during PE and the girls and guys played together. Our school was a small country school and there was no such thing as dressing out so the girls and guys had PE class together. Anyway I was my turn up to bat and Brian (who I had a major crush on) yelled out for me to put my weight into it. The look on my face must have told how I felt because he immediately had a very pained look on his face and said "you know what I mean". I did know what he meant but with all the laughter from the other kids, I was reminded of my chunkiness. It was then and there that I became aware of how important it is not to be over weight. Anyway, I struck out. I was so nervous because of his comment that I don't think I even tried. Anyway, that was my first memory. I somehow turned a not so pleasant memory into a later in life great experience.

My next memory of baseball was when I got married to Asshole. He and his family were and still are die hard Atlanta Braves fans and I too became an Atlanta Braves fan and even better I became a Damn Yankee Hater! Sorry you Yankee fans, I just can't stand them. I remember when Darrell Strawberry played for the braves and he was a good ball player and not a drug player. Asshole hated the fact that I liked Darrell Strawberry, not because he was a good or bad player but because he was black!!!! I should have divorced him then. It shouldn't matter the color of a player. I admired him for his abilities to play ball, nothing more. Back when Darrell Strawberry was playing for the braves, they were just so, so. Not long after that in my view they got what we Southerners like to call "too big for their britches". Me being a Yankee hater it was only natural that I started loving the Red Sox. Not only were they the Yankee's biggest rival but they were also underdogs, until a few years ago when the won the world series. So I became a die hard Red Sox fan. A couple of years ago during a trip to Tampa I met a soldier who was staying in the same hotel as me. We became fast friends even though he is a Damn Yankee fan. He was leaving for Iraq in 10 days. We kept in touch and talked nearly every night via e-mail. I kept him up to date on all that was happening in the baseball world during the season and every thing else that was going on in the world that he no longer saw. He said later that I made his year long stay in Iraq bearable. And I have the Damn Yankee's to thank for that! During that same year I took a summer part time job with the Huntsville Stars (minor league) as a ticket sales person. I got to meet all sorts of people which was really good for me. I was just beginning to come out of my shell and to experience life. Now baseball season is upon us again and I have to wonder just where it will take me this year?

Note: Please excuse my Blonde Moment and read my blog dated 05/10 (It Came To Me)
And especiall I am sorry to Deion Sanders and Darryl Strawberry both are D.S.

My Quest for Toothpaste

2007-04-05T07:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever went to the store to buy something common like Milk, bread or say...Toothpaste, only to find out that said item is out of stock?

I am now on a quest for toothpaste. And not just any toothpaste. I have been using the same toothpaste for more years than I can remember. I brush my pearly whites with Arm & Hammer Dental Care Baking Soda Toothpaste. I even wrote to the company to find out if they quit making it. To my relief they are still making it. It's just that every store in Huntsville is out of it. The company sent me a list of stores that buys this particular type of toothpaste. There are 10 stores in Huntsville that carry this brand. I have been to 4 of them with no luck.

You just don't understand how traumatic this is for me! This ranks right up there with when Kentucky Fried Chicken started making extra Crispy Chicken. I knew when they tried to fix something that was not broken, all would go to hell in a hand basket. Sure enough, the regular chicken now sucks and extra crispy is more like extra crappy. Same logic applies to the toothpaste. Arm & Hammer started making about 3 other types of toothpaste that apparently no one wants because the stores have plenty of that crap but not the Plain Jane type that I like.

Reasons that no other toothpaste will do:
All other toothpastes create a foam in my mouth and I start gagging.
All other toothpastes have a taste of mint, you know the green mint stuff, which tastes terrible to my delicate palate.

Until this toothpaste came out, I brushed my teeth with nothing but baking soda and water. This was recommended by my dentist because he got tired of me throwing up when he tried to clean my teeth with that foamy stuff. So for now, I am back to baking soda and water. There is one good thing that has come of this. My teeth are whiter, even my friend who is a dental hygienist noticed them and asked me if I had been bleaching my teeth. When I do find the toothpaste I will probably brush my teeth with the toothpaste first and then follow up with the baking soda.

Tuesday Tidbits on a Wednesday

2007-04-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

I have become overly paranoid about someone coming in my house. This all started about 3 - 4 wks ago when every night when I slept I dreamed about being held captive in my own home. I have even resorted to buying door alarms that make a wickedly loud sound when the door is opened and the alarm is on.
I cancelled my $185.00 consultation appointment with the attorney to talk about have my divorce decree amended. I have a friend whose husband is a divorce attorney. I don't like to ask to many favors of him but I did this time. He told me what I already knew. Yes, I could have the divorce decree amended so that ex-husband would pay me child support but considering the age of my children, it would cost me a whole lot of money to make this happen. So, since I am doing OK on my own. I will just let things be.
I have lost 4 more pounds.
I have met lots of men and women lately, more YOUNG men than anything else, and I am thinking about just going for it. The men my age are not doing it for me. One of the Cake Lady motto's is "If it ain't working - fix it". Not to worry all my dear friends. I will not be bringing any of these men young or young at heart around the kids. It's all about me. Note: even though I say this, it will probably not happen :-)
Movie review - I rented the movie "Running with scissors" last night. The trailer looked interesting. It was about a boy who's mother is mentally unstable and his father is an alcoholic. The mother gives her son to her therapist for him to raise. Dr. Finch (therapist) and his family are more than dysfunctional. Cake Lady point of view; it was one of the strangest movies I have ever seen in my life. I got no warm fuzzies afterwards.
I'm going out tonight, with a younger man and some other girlfriends. Wish me luck.

Friday's Horror Scope

2007-03-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

Your instincts about someone new on the scene are correct. But stay quiet for now.

Hmmmmm....Who could this be? And what sort of instincts could I have? I made a new girl friend to hang out with and the only thing about her is that she is going through a mid life crises too. She likes younger men and so do I. Too late, I already told her that as long as the younger ones are "All About Her" then just have a blast.

If you require more privacy than usual to work out some tender issues, feel empowered to take it.

I really feel that the only issues that I have, is that I'm not getting enough! That does require privacy but I want everyone to spread the word that the Cake Lady is tired of hiding the Silver Easter Egg! I'm a firm believer that if you want something that you don't have, then ask for it.

You can give someone the benefit of the doubt, but you also need to view them in a realistic manner.

Are you kidding me? I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, until they give me reason not to. This must be linked to the "new person on the scene", the one that I don't know yet? Wow - This new person must be one BAMF!!!

There's too much going on for you to take it all in at once -- keep plodding through the day.

This is a crock of shit. Didn't I just say that I'm not getting enough???. Oh, I'm going to take it all in at once when I get it. You can bet your bottom dollar on that!

Tuesday Tidbits - on a Wednesday

2007-03-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job - I just need a break.
GI Joe is now 12 going on 15
I ate lunch yesterday at an upscale restaurant in Huntsville and I was just so impressed that they not only boxed my left overs in a black box but they also used a Silver gel marker and wrote the name of the restaurant and what was in the box and dated it. I fear Trick must have been somewhere in the background letting them know that I am oblivious to food dates.
I made myself go out and meet a new person last night. He is not the one so I will not even bother with a code name for him.
There is so much pollen in the air today that by the time I got in the car this morning, my black dress is now black and yellow.
My weight looked good on the scales this morning. I might wear this black and pollen dress every day!

What do People Think About me?

2007-03-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

What can I say? It seems like I used to write about happy things, like having cake and having sex but lately there is just not enough cake and sex for me. The things that are on my mind are just depressing. For any of you who have children of a young age, enjoy them because as they get older they will rip your heart out. I have 50/50 joint custody of my children and even though GI Joe is supposed to be with me this week, I have allowed him to stay with his Dad for 2 reasons. GI Joe is struggling with 6th grade and his Dad has the patience and know how to better help him than I can. GI Joe is also at an age that he really needs a man in his life. It doesn't bother me to much because I know that even though I miss him terribly, I am doing what is best for GI Joe. He is just there during the school nights and will come to my house Friday night and stay till he goes back on Sunday.

Queenie announced yesterday that she too would be staying with her Dad this week, when I asked why she just said "no reason". It should not have hit me so hard when she said this because, I know Queenie and how she thinks. By not coming to my house she is getting back at me for not letting her have her way. She wanted to take Ice Skating as elective next year and I said no. Queenie used to be a competitive skater but that was 4 years ago. I made her stop 4 years ago because she never put forth the effort to practice like she should for the amount of money that I was spending. It was just something for her to do. And after about one month I never heard a word out of her about missing Ice Skating. This year Trickster got together an Ice Skating/Dancing team to perform during the intermissions of our favorite Hockey team. It had been 4 years since Queenie had performed and forgot her jumps and spins. So, I signed her up for some refresher lessons with Trickster. All was good till Queenie found out that she could get out of school early by taking Ice Skating as an elective. Aside from the $145.00 extra per month that it would cost me, unless Queenie wanted to competitively skate again (and she doesn't) then I didn't see the need for her to get out of school early to go skate. So, I told her "No". Queenie in turn told me "No" to coming to my house. Her Dad could however say "you need to go to your Mom's house but that would be somewhere in the neighborhood of pissing on me if I were on fire and that just ain't gonna happen.

The things that hurt about this that I can identify are 1. I was looking forward to spending time with her. 2. I hate when people ask "what are the kids up to this week or what are you and the kids going to do this week"? Then I have to tell them that the kids are not with me this week. What I see in their face is "you must be a really horrible mother". I know that I'm not a horrible mother but just can't shake that feeling that maybe history is repeating itself.

I didn't have a lot of motherly love growing up. As a matter of fact the things that happened in my life while growing up were so terrible that at one point I didn't want to live. I no longer feel that way but will probably always doubt myself as a mother, just because I didn't have one who set a good example.

On a good note, I'm not sure that Mr. Mustang is out or not. He fit's all those things that I am looking for in a life partner. Maybe I'm just rushing things. I'm also not dismissing anyone else out there who might be interested in me.

Finding and Keeping a Life Partner

2007-03-23T14:28:00.000-07:00

I borrowed this from someone else's blog. Since it seems to be written for me, I am going to re-post it. This is for those who married the 1st time for the wrong reasons or if you are thinking about getting married.

Golden rules for finding your life partner

by Dov Heller, M.A.

A relationships coach who lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term marital success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50% it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct," there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone." You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.? How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective...There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye. "Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace the passion.

Am I Unique or Just a Freak?

2007-03-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

Am I Unique or just a freak? Maybe I'm just ordinary? Lately I cry a lot. I know that I am lonely and also know that I can't just go pick someone out like you pick a watermelon at the grocery store. I was married for 15 years. We never should have married in the 1st place. It wasn't even a matter of "having" to get married. He rescued me and I felt that I owed him something. After a while I realized that I didn't owe anybody anything and I left him. I have been divorced for almost 5 years. I have been telling myself that I don't want to get into a relationship that I would introduce my children into. I have no regrets for leaving their father but I have guilt for putting myself before the kids. He said I should have stayed for the sake of the children and I said no. I stood up and did something for me. I'm not sure I will every truly get past the guilt of breaking up a family for the sake of my happiness.

I have been saying that I only want a relationship when with someone when the kids are not around. Trick believes otherwise and I am beginning to believe it too. But as stated above I can't go pick out a man like I pick out a watermelon. So what's wrong with me? Nothing! I just don't have the confidence in myself. Everything that I see good in me, I believe someone else see's me as a freak. How do you cope with being lonely? I can think of a dozen or more things to keep me occupied but loneliness and being occupied are 2 different things. I get out as often as I can. I know I can't win the lottery without buying a ticket, just like I know that I will not meet Mr. Right unless he is the man who comes to do repairs at my house. So, for now I will continue to be "just me" and maybe one day someone will see me as unique and not a freak.

Tribute to The Fruit Cake Lady

2007-03-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

I think most of you know who the Fruit Cake Lady is. Sadly, she has passed. This woman was my Idol. She brought me so much laughter. When I grow up, I want to be just like her. Below is a link that shows some of her best moments. I will miss you terribly Mr. Fruit Cake Lady.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnudM458uz8

Tuesday Tidbits

2007-03-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

I went to the Mall today during lunch and took Ivanna Trump with me to do a little shopping. I hate shopping. I think it's because I have no taste and just feel overwhelmed. I am now the proud owner of 3 very sexy tops for the summer. I can wear one now.
I made an appointment with an attorney to just check out my options in getting my divorce decree amended. Even if I do nothing, just knowing for sure about my options will give me peace of mind. I believe this may be the best $185.00 I have ever spent.
I'm feeling better about Mr. Mustang. I have finally accepted that he is not the one. I'm not sure if he knows it or not, but I can only worry about the Cake Lady. I'm looking at a Blue Steel Man now :-)
I just learned that my mentor the Fruit Cake Lady has passed. God Bless You for making me laugh so hard. I will miss your humor. Folks - look for me to be in her shoes when I'm in my 80's
I am officially off some medication that was good at the time but let me give you some advice for anyone who is taking Effexor. When you come off of it, have a friend with you at all times. Do not be alone. Hell, you might want to go ahead and check into an insane asylum. That stuff really messes with your head.

Happy Tuesday to all.

Love - The Cake Lady!

I am Woman Hear me Roar!

2007-03-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

I know just enough to be dangerous!
Who needs a Dewalt or Makita? Not me!
For those of you who truly know me, you know that for a woman I am fairly mechanically inclined. Today I fixed my couch which mysteriously started creaking about 3 or 4 weeks ago. With the suggestion of a friend, I turned it over and saw that the boards that braced the frame had came out. So, last night I got my handy dandy cheep cordless drill/screwdriver along with some drywall screws and tried to pull the boards back together. NO - didn't work. I stripped out the screw heads then had to get a pair of plyerspliers to get it out. So, I thought - Oh this needs a pilot hole. NO - I still couldn't draw the boards back together. At this point I was really pissed. I mean, how hard could this be??? Could it be that I needed a really nice expensive power tool like a Dewalt? I don't think so! I decided there is more than one way to skin a cat. Today I went to my favorite department store Lowes and bought some 1x4's and had them to cut the boards to the length that I needed. I also bought some longer screws. I put the new boards on top of the frame in a slightly different way than what the original boards were. Got out my cheep 18v cordless drill and started to work. Walla! It's by no means pretty but now my couch doesn't creak. Now that I have conquered this task I am going to get back to the son's room. This one has had me twisted for about 2 months. I have been trying to hang a curtain rod. I get the screws in to a certain point and then they just stop, like I have ran into concrete or something. I tried the pilot hole thing and broke a brand new set of bits. The bit went in but when I was taking it out, it broke. As stated above I fixed the couch, it's not pretty but no one see's it anyway. I am going to abandon the power tool and go right for the most powerful tool that I have in my house "The Hammer"! Once that screw stops at that certain point, I am picking up the hammer and I assure you that it will go in after that!
Note:
What the heck does "more than one way to skin a cat mean"? I remember hearing it from my Dad when I was growing up but what does it mean? Who wants to skin a cat? OK, OK, I know that I have one that most people want to introduce their tires to but really...skinning it????
Ladies, you really must check out Lowes on a Saturday afternoon or Sunday!
I feel so good, I think I will try to cook tonight! I feel pretty safe, I just changed out the batteries in the smoke detector!

When life gives you Lemons

2007-03-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonaid. There is so much more that you can do. I have listed a few things to do with Lemons. Some I have heard before and some are idea's from The Cake Lady.

When life gives you lemons:

1. Use them as weapons and throw them at the people who are making your life miserable (The Cake Lady)
2. Join a citrus support group.
3. Throw them up in the air and work on your shooting skills (The Cake Lady)
4. Learn to juggle
5. Give them to someone else. (The Cake Lady)
6. Cut them up and rub them all over your body. It makes your skin really smooth. (The Cake Lady)
7. Take them to the nearest grocery store and trade them for Apples. (The Cake Lady)
8. Put some fishing line and a hook in them and hang them from the trees, they make great Easter decorations. (The Cake Lady)
9. Pucker up and give someone a kiss. (The Cake Lady)
10. Get a bottle of Tequila and some salt, and life is good. Eeveryone knows I didn't come up with this one but it is "The Cake Lady for Sure"

Dear Anonymous

2007-03-05T20:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for your response (I copied it below)
My post tonight will be in response to your response. Yours is in Blue.
First of all if you think the men you are going out with give a shit then you are wrong. You are wrong. How can you say that about people you don't even know.

They are only out for one thing. Again, you are wrong. I don't have 1 night stands. These men that I have had relationships are caring men. I could call any of them up today if I needed something and they would be there for me. I can't fault them because they don't want the same things that I do. Not one of them ever promised me anything. It just didn't work out, simple as that. We dated. That is what people should do instead of getting married only to find out that they never should have married in the 1st place.

Maybe you should really look hard at who you go out with before you think you are in a relationship. I am very picky about who I go out with. In 5 years I have had 3 relationships.

The 1st one didn't work out because he lives 650 miles away. We knew it wouldn't work but had fun. We still see each other from time to time and still have a good time. There are no bad feelings between us.

Another went on for 4 years and it was me who broke this one off. He has too much to deal with and I don't want any part of the things that he brings with him (2 troubled teenagers), I have enough common sense to know that his problems would end up in our backyard. I have no doubt he wants to marry me, but I don't want the things that he comes with.

The 3rd relationship was not what I thought it was. It went on for about 3 months. I also still talk to him. He's just not what I thought he was.

I have been seeing someone since December. Funny, I say everyday that I am not in a relationship with this man. But deep down I know that I would like to be. We go out on dates. He cooks for me, we laugh together, we watch movies, we talk and have sex but we are not in a relationship. Sure sounds like it though.

One night stands are not relationships!
I totally agree with you on this one, that is why I don't have them.

Make sure that that you get to know them before you will commit.
I have no regrets about any of these men that I have had relationships with or what ever it is you want to call them.

I am a therapist and i know. If you would like to schedule a session I will be back in touch.
If you really are a therapist then your response is quite surprising. I have seen therapist before and none of them were as opinionated as you.

Have a great evening move on and be happy!
Thanks so much for your opinion. It did make me think about things. And I regret nothing in these relationships or whatever you want to call them. Sometimes things just don't work out and it's OK to feel emotions instead of trying to hide them. If I feel sad, it's OK. Feel it and move on.

Best Regards,
The Cake-Lady

p.s. I have a lunch date date tomorrow with the man that I don't have a relationship with and we have a dinner and a movie date Saturday night.

Word Vomit

2007-03-03T09:12:00.000-08:00

I am so overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. It all comes down to relationships. I suck at them. I give too much and receive to little. And Jewels if you are reading this, don't worry about me. I'm OK. I haven't blogged in a while because I have tried to bury myself or my feelings in other things. I'm going to start rambling now, in hopes that word vomit will come out and I'll start feeling better. I am so much happier when I am in a relationship, problem is that it seems that when I'm in a relationship it's just me in it. The men that I get involved with don't ever promise me anything, I just hope for it. I wish I could be mad at these men but I'm not. I'm very picky about the men I let in my life so these are good men. They are honest and caring. They just don't care about me as much as I care about them. I am terrified that I will be a cat lady. You know the type that doesn't have a relationship and instead has 9 cats to keep her company. I don't know why it is that I crave companionship so much. Why can't I just say fuck it. It's just not me and I don't like that. Maybe I should just let the tears out. I am afraid that If I do let them out that they will not stop. For now I will keep praying that God gives my guidance in what to do to overcome these feelings that are causing me so much pain and just move on and be happy with just me and the piglets and the cat.
Love to me - The Cake Lady

Colors, Music and Events

2007-02-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

There really must be something to that Zodiac thing because I am all about balance in every way. Or maybe I just Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCT). I don't know if any of you folks heard or not but last night it snowed in Huntsville Alabama. Now don't go getting out the sleds and firewood just yet. We received a whopping 1/2 inch and by 7:00am it was melting. Now here is where the balance part comes in. After dropping off Queenie and GI Joe at school, I drove to work. As I was driving I passed a golf course and it was untouched, it was still a blanket of white. It was all I could do to keep driving. I wanted to pull of the side of the road and just absorb the beauty. But instead I decided to just click on my Nora Jones CD that is in my car CD player. I hit the CD button and WTF???? Is in there. What happened to Nora Jones? What the hell is this shit about do you chain hang low??? It just totally ruined the whole calming white experience. Queenie had changed out my CD. When you gaze at a blanket of snow, you can only listen to something soothing because White is a soothing color. I have compiled a list of other things that are paired together and some that should not be paired together.

White Sheets, Nora Jones, Long slow wet kisses.
NOT - White snow and Do your chain hang low, Do it wobble to the flo Do it shine in the light Is it platinum, Is it gold? Could you throw it over ya shoulda If ya hot, it make ya cold, Do your chain hang low?

Red Dress, Audio Slave, tequila
NOT - Red Dress, Jerry Clowers, Peanut butter and Jelly

Blue Water, Any Music or Book, Margaritas, Long slow wet kisses. By the way Blue is my favorite color.
NOT - Blue Water, Crying Babies, Bottled water and sand on my towel.

Any now - Today's Horoscope for me "Aquarius"

More than anything else, you need to connect with people who make you happy today. When I woke up this morning I wanted to connect, if you know what I mean. And if you don't know then I'll tell you. I want it to be all about me. I want to be wined and dined and complimented and made love to. But I do not have a relationship with anyone so, I guess I'll wine and dine myself. I looked in the mirror this morning and said "you are a beautiful woman" and as far as the love making goes. I will just wait because not even BOB could satisfy my needs today.
It's hard to be a Hottie if you're not feeling top-notch. Strive for a balance of exercise and food. Well I guess I have this one covered. This morning I ran to the bathroom and for breakfast I had raisin bran with 2% milk. This should cause me to run to the bathroom tomorrow too.
Leave plenty of wiggle room in your life for changing your mind and doing things out of the blue. No problem here. I change my mind all the time, and I am known for my quirky behavior. I rarely plan anything because I am always so disappointed when it doesn't work out the way I planned, so I mostly just fly by the seat of my pants.
Stuck on one idea for a school project? Try to open up and see if you can hit on something better. Excuse me? Did I pick a child's version of the horoscope today? Technically I guess this does fit me because I am constantly saying I can't do things because I have to finish my Math homework, really I'm finishing GI Joe's Math homework. It's sad when your everyday prayers include "Dear God, please let it be your will that GI Joe passes 6th grade"

I am fairly sure that I am losing my mind

2007-01-30T08:11:00.000-08:00

I am fairly sure that I am losing my mind and the sad thing is, I don't want to find it. Here is a list of things that I know for certain.

I am not getting enough sex.
My head has been hurting for 3 days, possibly because I'm not getting enough sex.
When I fill out any sort of paperwork and they ask those stupid questions such as married, single, divorced, etc...I draw a line and write "Looking", I also answer "Yes" when they ask your sex type. Next time I think when I see that line that says Sex____, I'm going to write, yes and I prefer to be on top.
When I see turtles, I am overwhelmed with joy and calmness. There is a commercial on TV now that has 2 turtles in a lawn chair. I don't know what it is but somehow I can connect with turtles.
I like gargoyles. I somehow can identify with them too. Everyone thinks they look so evil, not me. I think they are just misunderstood and need love too.
I can not concentrate, probably because I have not had sex in a while.
BOB does not count as true sex.
I tried to cook a roast in the oven and, well uhmmm, has anyone ever seen a fried pot roast? Very tender and very dry. Did I mention that I can't cook?
I am pretty sure that I almost have an orgasm when I eat steak. This is truly sad! I know it must be happening because while I'm chewing, I'm also making moaning sounds. What else could this be?
My couch now makes a horrible creaking noise when you sit down or get up, like the springs are broken, and I have not had sex on my couch lately. Who has been having sex on my couch?????

Friday Blurbs

2007-01-26T11:35:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, the sun is shining, I shaved my legs, I had my sugar cookie checked out today and made an appointment to have my twins smashed. Life just doesn't get any better!

What is up with that song with the lyrics "Moving to the Country, going to eat me a lot of peaches"? I just don't get it. It's playing right now and I'm thinking they must be playing an extended version of the song because it's going on and on and on....Finally, it's over. Now I'm hoping for some disturbed or Hinder or some good ole AC/DC! Something that make sense.

Although I don't believe in horoscopes, I always read them. I like to think about what could be the possible outcome of these predictions.

Today you'll see how your efforts helped someone make a positive change. This must be something that will happen later in the day, because so far my day exists of going to the Sugar Cookie Doctor and letting him poke and prod my Sugar Cookie, it was the same thing he did the last time, so I don't see any positive change here.

Things will be fine...Just have some patience with yourself and put your faith in larger forces. Now this is something that I can definitely identify with! I am either all or none when it comes to relationships. I let someone in my life briefly and it didn't work out, but I did enjoy the brief time that we spent together. Now there is a possibility of another man in my life. I want to push him away for fear of getting hurt again but with the reasoning of my favorite blogger Egan, I have decided to take it one day at a time.

A mentor relationship ignites your imagination and fires up those synapses. Share your expertise. This is embarrassing, but my Sugar Cookie Doctor is so hot that everytime I see him, my pulse quickens and my blood pressure goes up. Today I had to stay extra long so they could take my blood pressure again before I left. I was embarrassed to tell them that the Doctor really gets to me. You have no idea what I am thinking about while I am laying there waiting for him to come in and do his thing. As far as the "Share your expertise" part goes, all I could share is how to seduce your Doctor in your head while you are waiting to have your sugar cookie poked and prodded, then your embarrassed for thinking it so your blood pressure goes sky high. My expertise says "just don't do it". Just lay there and think of all the things that you could be doing if you wearn't harnessed in stirrups.

Someone you haven't seen or heard from in a while is going to pop up unexpectedly with some news. OK, so when is this going to happen? Who could it be? What kind of news could they bring? I did date a man before I married Asshole and I have always kept his memory in the back of my mind. I have't seen him in years. I'll just hope that he will show up and tell me he has thought about me for years, bought a new boat and wants to take me fishing on his new boat. That is a pleasant thought!

Happy Birthday To Me!

2007-01-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday Dear Cake-Lady!
Happy Birthday to Me!

Let me just say that yesterday was quite possibly one of the best birthday's I have had in a while. Mr. Mustang asked if he could cook for me on our last outing and of course I said yes. He didn't know it was my birthday and it seemed to make it that much more special for me. He grilled hamburgers, with Cheddar cheese. He had bacon to go on them too. He baked beans and he even cut up fresh French fries. Oh and the real kicker was that he bought a thermometer for the oil. He blanched the French fries in 350 degree oil, took them out and let them cool on a cookie sheet. While they were cooling he made some sort of decadent chocolate and coffee souffle. Right before we ate, he put the French fries back in the oil and cooked them till they were golden brown. I couldn't believe all the trouble he went to. It made me feel very special. Oh and Mully if you are reading this, you might have to share that title of "I am a lucky woman" He buttered our buns and toasted them on the grill.

Then we watched a really bizarre movie called Lady in the Water. Very strange movie??? Not at all what I thought it would be. But it was so nice to be laying against him and just relaxed while he rubbed my shoulders. Long sigh.....I'm not going to kiss and tell about the rest of the evening but it was all about me!

The Cake Lady is About to Come Unglued!

2007-01-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

Funny thing, I'm on my way to work this morning listing to one of my favorite strong women music (Alanis Morrisette), I just can't get enough of that jagged little pill. I'm smiling, the sun is out and I'm getting some on Sunday. As all of this was going through my mind I started thinking that every time I think things are just peachy, something happens.

Shortly after I get to work, one of my customers is trying to cancel a very large order. They can't cancel it but working in sales you have make them understand how taking all this extra inventory is actually a good thing (stress factor 1). About an hour later I get a phone call from GI Joe's principal and the conversation went something like this. Hi the good news is that GI Joe is OK, the bad news is that you will have to come get him from school because he is being suspended for 3 days. GI Joe is a good kid but he was involved in a fight and we have a no tolerance rule and he will be allowed to make up his work (stress factor 2) Then GI Joe gets on the phone and is crying (stress factor 3). Instead of Lunch today I had to get my teeth cleaned, I get so uptight at the dentist. I didn't have any cavities though (stress factor 4). And of course, I have got myself so worked up about Sunday. I have the worse case of the perpetual "What ifs" (stress factor 5). My shoulders are so tense that I am in physical pain (stress factor 6).

I need some cake and a shoulder rub.

The Cake Lady is Gong To Get Some!

2007-01-18T18:24:00.000-08:00

The Cake Lady would like to announce that she will be getting some on her Birthday, Sunday 01/21. At least that is my plan. Mr. Mustang is coming to my house to cook for me and I plan on getting some, whether he does or not. He doesn't know it's my birthday so if I must, I will play the Birthday Card. I really don't think I'll have to. I am so freaking on edge that I'm about to jump out of my skin. I have been out with him 3 times now and no sex. The 1st time was when we met and we just had dinner with friends. The 2nd time we met out for drinks with friends, we actually ended up sleeping together in a bed but with clothes on. That was when I found out that he could kiss. The 3rd time I just met him for dinner, he had to go back to work and all I got was just a little peck and a hug. I think it's time. I know it's time for me. If Mr. Mustang performs in bed as well as he does with his kissing, I'm going to be one lucky woman! I'll keep you updated.

No Winners In The Cake Lady Lottery

2007-01-15T14:24:00.000-08:00

Well folks, there were no winners in the Cake Lady lottery. Trick did find one very nice gentleman who was more than willing to accompany me to the play and buy me dinner. That was the problem, everything started out OK but by the end of the night I was miserable thinking about having to spend another night with him. As nice as he was, he was insecure. He kept trying to get me drunk and going way overboard with the compliments. I talked to Trick and she agreed that it would probably not come as a surprise to him that I was going to revoke my request for him to accompany me to the play and dinner Saturday night.

Friday night Trick, Margarita, Sister and fiance went out again looking for me a man, although we didn't find me one. We did have a blast. I was even able to dance and my leg and hip didn't kill me the next day. And the best part was that this guy who I met a few weeks back joined us. Yes, I have another crush on someone. This time I'm going to be cool as a cucumber about him. He already has at least 1 strike against him that I know of. He has no children. You know me, I'm reading the last chapter of the book before I decide if I want to buy the book and read the entire thing. I'm trusting that Trick will keep me in line.

Today is so gloomy. It has rained all day long. It would be OK today if I could be at home in bed snuggling with someone. I believe I'll name this new man that I have a crush on "Mr. Mustang"

The Cake Lady Lottery

2007-01-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

OK, so last night I had a melt down and cried for hours. I tried my best not to but the more I tried the harder the tears fell. I am thankful that my piglets were not there to witness this pathetic sight. I finally realized that the emptiness that I feel is for a companion. I have been divorced for 5 years. Tricks brother "Best 30 seconds of my life" filled it for a time but even then I never gave myself completely because I knew it would not last because of the 650 miles that separated us. Then there is Mr. Florida, I have given myself completely but he hasn't reciprocated. I thought I was OK with that till Mr. Shark came along. He just turned my world upside down. It wasn't for a long period of time but what he did give me in the short time that we were together made me realize that I truly do want a companion.

Last night I read a blog from Assensphincta and it just touched my heart. This woman is so strong and brave. She knows what she wants and it doesn't matter to her that her wants go against what society has told us is right. She talked about how she never wanted to get married but did and how it took her so long to figure out that marriage doesn't make you love anyone more and that sometimes you lose yourself just trying to please your spouse. She finally found herself and has made it clear that she doesn't want to lose herself again. Assensphincta I admire your courage.

This whole sob story has come about because I just want to be treated like Cinderella for a night (actually the rest of my life) but a night will do for a start. I want to have a companion for Saturday night when I go to "The Producers". Trick and I are going shopping for a man tonight. We have decided to try some new places. I think the best thing to do would be to sell lottery tickets. My reasoning is that when Ross Perot ran for president he wrote a book to explain his views and he didn't give it away, he sold it. He was asked why he was selling his book instead of giving it away and he said it was because he wanted the public to read it. If you give something away no one pays attention to it, but when you put a value on it then people will take notice. I think I am valuable and want someone to take notice. I'll let you know what happens.

Oh - and on a good note, today while I was Physical Therapy one of the employees was celebrating her Birthday and there was cake. I was offered a piece and of course I said YES! Never pass up the opportunity for a piece of Celebration Cake, and never pass up the opportunity to pee!

What is wrong with me???

2007-01-09T18:39:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with me? Am I ugly, am I mean, am I boring, am I stupid? I ask myself these quetions because if I am any of these things then it would explain why I'm feeling so low. I have lived in Huntsville all my life and I have but a few friends. Granted, until about 10 years ago I was so painfully shy. Maybe that is why I don't have hundreds of friends. I'm not knocking the friends that I do have because if you are one of the chosen few then you are just that "one of the chosen few" and your frienship is treasured. Why can't I just let anyone in my life? I am friendly to everyone, but only a few knew me inside and out.

I have tickets to the broadway play the producers for Saturday night. They are GREAT tickets, 2nd row, dead center. I would like nothing more than to be romanced. I have some silly fantacy about dinner, conversation and laughs and then going to the play for more laughs. I just don't see that happening. I have asked nearly every friend that I have to find me a date for Saturday night. I guess I feel like that kid who is chosen last when teams are being picked? Do you know what that feels like? I do, and I suppose that is why when it comes to sports that I don't know much about, I will always root for the underdog. Tomorrow night Trick and I are going out to our favorite watering hole to shop for me a date. How sad is that? Sure I could ask a number of my friends to go with me but the truth is, I want to feel like the 1st kid who is chosen to play ball. Wish me luck. If I don't get chosen for Saturday night, my next blog may be drowning with tears :-(