Tuesday, January 20, 2015
I made it through Christmas. It was horrible, and I survived. I have lots of wonderful friends and family that tried to cheer me up and for that I am thankful. It didn’t work but I am thankful for them. I’m still missing the bodyguard but I know he doesn’t want to be with me. On the 2nd of January I was watching TV one evening and heard something that made me change the way I was thinking about the bodyguard, which in turn helped me to feel better. I was so consumed with doubt about whether he ever really loved me or not. It hit me that it didn’t really matter if he did or didn’t love me. I loved him, and that is all that really mattered. I can’t control or change his feelings, so I didn’t need to dwell on whether or not he loved me. Just that simple shift from focusing on him to focusing on me seemed to help. Tomorrow is my Birthday and I will be spending most of the day at the Doctors office. It’s weird, physically I feel better than I have in a long time. Back around the 1st of December I decided that I needed to lose weight and eat better. I’m doing OK in both departments. The walking has become a problem because my head and my right leg are not working together. Hopefully it’s nothing serious and hopefully it does not cost me a fortune because I need new running shoes and they really are going to cost me a small fortune. Happy Birthday To Me!!