Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Ball

It's official, I've lost my mind. Last night I went to the Margarita Ball with my girlfriends. I found a killer dress and it only cost $25.00, quite possibly the best bargain this year. I took the money I would have spent on the dress and bought extra toys to take with me to the ball. I didn't drink to much, and I mention that because of what happened this morning. After the ball we all went to breakfast. I drove my own car, so I didn't get stuck anyplace I didn't want to be. I ordered my own pancakes and ate every bite. Drove home, went to bed, woke to get ready for work, found out because of the weather I didn't have to go to work, so I went back to sleep. I woke up later and this is where it gets scary. I wondered why The Bodyguard didn't show up last night. After all, the Dancing Queen told me that he just sent the other Dancing Queen a message telling her he had decided to come join us. She asked me if I would be ok. I said yes, I would be ok with him there and started mentally preparing myself knowing he would not ask me to slow dance. I had planned to exit to the bathroom when a slow song came on. I also told her that he was messing with her, and wouldn't come. So, when I woke this morning, I had messages from some of the girls I went to the ball with. It's a group message and I asked them why he didn't show up after sending a message saying he would. That's when I got a private message from the other Dancing Queen asking if I was ok? I said yes, and why do you ask. She said she never got a message from him and that I must have wanted it so badly that I dreamed it. It seemed so real. I could see it so clearly. I remember dreaming last night about being on a cruise ship and the waters were ruff. I dreamed that I was getting wet from the waves, I could see the ship hitting rocks but I wasn't afraid. That is what I dreamed. 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

I Want to be Happy Again

Tonight as I listened to a friend talk about how unhappy she was, it was hard for me to listen and be apathetic. I'm a giving person, sometimes I give to much. I've tried being selfish, and that's just not me. I'm happiest when I take care of others. 
Tonight I put back up a picture of me and The Bodyguard. I had taken the picture down after he broke up with me. I didn't take it down because he asked me to take it down. I took it down because I thought if I didn't see his face, I wouldn't think of him. I was wrong. I'm still thinking of him. I say his name when I get upset and it calms me.