Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Ball

It's official, I've lost my mind. Last night I went to the Margarita Ball with my girlfriends. I found a killer dress and it only cost $25.00, quite possibly the best bargain this year. I took the money I would have spent on the dress and bought extra toys to take with me to the ball. I didn't drink to much, and I mention that because of what happened this morning. After the ball we all went to breakfast. I drove my own car, so I didn't get stuck anyplace I didn't want to be. I ordered my own pancakes and ate every bite. Drove home, went to bed, woke to get ready for work, found out because of the weather I didn't have to go to work, so I went back to sleep. I woke up later and this is where it gets scary. I wondered why The Bodyguard didn't show up last night. After all, the Dancing Queen told me that he just sent the other Dancing Queen a message telling her he had decided to come join us. She asked me if I would be ok. I said yes, I would be ok with him there and started mentally preparing myself knowing he would not ask me to slow dance. I had planned to exit to the bathroom when a slow song came on. I also told her that he was messing with her, and wouldn't come. So, when I woke this morning, I had messages from some of the girls I went to the ball with. It's a group message and I asked them why he didn't show up after sending a message saying he would. That's when I got a private message from the other Dancing Queen asking if I was ok? I said yes, and why do you ask. She said she never got a message from him and that I must have wanted it so badly that I dreamed it. It seemed so real. I could see it so clearly. I remember dreaming last night about being on a cruise ship and the waters were ruff. I dreamed that I was getting wet from the waves, I could see the ship hitting rocks but I wasn't afraid. That is what I dreamed. 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

I Want to be Happy Again

Tonight as I listened to a friend talk about how unhappy she was, it was hard for me to listen and be apathetic. I'm a giving person, sometimes I give to much. I've tried being selfish, and that's just not me. I'm happiest when I take care of others. 
Tonight I put back up a picture of me and The Bodyguard. I had taken the picture down after he broke up with me. I didn't take it down because he asked me to take it down. I took it down because I thought if I didn't see his face, I wouldn't think of him. I was wrong. I'm still thinking of him. I say his name when I get upset and it calms me. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Trick or Treat!

It’s no Trick! Queenie and Hubby have bought a house and I couldn’t be more excited. Not just for them but for me. They close on it Halloween. Queenie is a slob. I thought when she got married that she would be gone but because Hubby couldn’t find a job, she continued to live with me. It’s bad when G. I. Joe announces that when she is gone we are going to disinfect the house. I guess I better start perusing the sale papers for 409, Windex, mop and glow etc. I told her when she left; I was going to change the locks. She didn’t find that amusing. All kidding aside, I am very happy for them. The house is a very nice house, much better than mine and much bigger. Truthfully I am sure I will be lonely. I guess that is just something else that I will have to deal with. There is still no word from the Body Guard. I try not to think about him, but I do.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Things I Know

In my last post a reader asked me what happened with us. I told her I wish I knew. This is what I do know. About a month ago the body guard broke up with me. I guess I never should have starting referring to him as “J” on here. Maybe that jinxed things. I doubt it. Today my boss asked if the body guard and I wanted to go to a soft opening of a restaurant. At first I thought about telling him that we already had plans but decided that I would just tell him the truth. I haven’t even told most of my friends about it. Everyone, including me thought we would be together forever. We got along great, or at least I thought we did. I am broken hearted, depressed and just plain shocked. I guess no matter how much I loved him (love him), he doesn’t love me back the same way. He didn’t even have enough respect for me to tell me face to face or at the very least, call me on the phone. The last words he said to me were “I love you too”. I had called him to see if he was at work. I was going to stop by and see him. As I was calling him, he was leaving. I waved at him and told him I loved him and would just see him later. He said Love you too. He had been sick that week, or at least he told me he was sick. I wonder now if his sickness was just a reason not to see me. I had tried to call him Thursday or Friday and he didn’t answer the phone but text back to say that the cold had gone to his chest and it hurt him to talk. He text me late Friday night to see what I was doing and I told him I was watching TV and he said he was doing the same thing. Sunday I didn’t hear from him and just thought he was still sick, so I didn’t bother him. I decided to make some ribs on the grill. The Body Guard makes some killer ribs!! I was always harassing him telling him mine were better. I took some pictures of them and went to post them on FB and when I did, I saw that he had deleted every picture of me. Not just a few but every picture. Talk about a shock. I called him and he didn’t answer, so I text him to ask what was going on and he told me that he needed some time to himself, that he needed to think some things through in his life. I have no idea what those things were. In hind sight, I believe those things he needed to think about were me and he had already done just that. I miss him. I’m taking one day at a time. Some days are Ok and some days are horrible. Today is one of the horrible days.

Monday, October 06, 2014

Cup Cakes

I rarely crave sugary foods, and when I do it's comparable to a nicotine addiction. Yes, I once smoked cigarettes. I haven't had a cigarette since December 6th, 1985. That is one of my proudest accomplishments. I wish I could say the same thing for my cravings for cake. Thank God it's not something I crave often. Now...if offered a piece of cake, that's entirely different. I don't know what brings on my sugar cravings, they just seem to pop up like weeds in a garden. Tonight I'm in the weeds. I had bought a box of...I will call them Body Guard Cakes to celebrate his Birthday. They are the cellophane wrapped little goodies with his name written on them (only the Body Guard will understand that). I ate one on his Birthday and put the rest in the cabinet, tucked away from the piglets. Queenie doesn't like chocolate, so that means G. I. Joe has been here, in stealth mode.  Mama is going to have to find a new hiding place for her cakes!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Seize From Every Moment its Uniqueness, Especially This Week

Today I had Chinese for lunch, hot and spicy soup to be exact. When I reached for the fortune cookie, I thought to myself “what kind of nonsense is going to be in this cookie?” They always seem to have some sort of uplifting message. Today’s cookie has me stumped. Seize from every moment its uniqueness, especially this week. Well, I need some help with this one. What’s unique about this week? So far, nothing at all is unique about this week. I’m still missing J. I have tried to keep my mind off of it but to no avail. Friday is J’s Birthday and I will not be celebrating with him. Maybe that is the uniqueness?? If that is it, how do I seize the moment? I guess since I love cake so much, I could seize the moment and buy myself a cake and eat a piece of it in his honor. Yep, I think I will do just that. Seize the moment with cake. How fitting!!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

To Queenie on Her Wedding Day

Dear Queenie,

Today is the day you marry your best friend. If I could hand pick someone for you it would be Hubby. When you were putting that collage of childhood pictures together I remembered every one of those moments and it’s hard to believe you are now a grown woman.

Enjoy this special day and reflect back on it many times, especially when the waters get rough and they will get rough. I loved that your bridesmaids made a jar to fill with advice. Open that jar and look at it every now and then and use that advice. The Honeymoon will not last forever so it’s all about learning to love and accept each other as you really are. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage but I do think you can ‘become perfect for each other’ over time through being loving, faithful, loyal, respectful, committed and understanding.

Head strong and confident, stubborn and feisty, loving and giving, sweet and sassy, you are my daughter. So go into the world my Queenie and chase all the joy you can. Just remember you are still mine, I’m just sharing you with Hubby. Always remember, never forget, no one will ever love you…like your Mother.

I wish a lifetime of happiness for you and Hubby.
I wish you many children.
I wish laughter and happiness and giddiness.
I wish hugs upon hugs.
I wish health and peace to you both.
I wish you a life together filled with promise and dreams fulfilled.
And I wish you a happily-ever-after.
Congratulations and best of luck as you take your first steps together in this new chapter of your lives.