Saturday, June 29, 2013

Wish You Were There

A friend of the Dancing Queen is getting married. I think I will call her The Fire Cracker. She lives about 7 hours away. I have had the privilege of getting to know her and even holding her hair back while she puked from drinking too much. We wanted to give her a bachelorette party but because of the 7 hour drive between us, it was just not doable. I came up with the idea of a Flat Fire Cracker party. We blew up a picture of her face, pasted it to a cardboard and attached a paint stick to the end as a handle. Then I sewed a veil, complete with a head Tierra! Ha, it looked really cute. We invited the Bodyguard but he couldn't be there. We had so much fun toting her around and having her picture made in all the places she had been when she visited. I think she will be so surprised when she gets the pictures and the actual Flat Fire Cracker as a wedding gift. She has no idea we did this. When I got home I played with my newest inheritance Ace. I couldn't help but think of the bodyguards baby. Friday was a good day. I'm happier than I've been in months. I hope the bodyguard continues to communicate with me, he makes me Happy, Happy, Happy!!!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Something is not right

I started today to write about how happy I am. I am happy. Happier than I've been in months. The bodyguard has opened a line of communication with me. When I see his name pop up on my phone I can't stop grinning. He was even going to come to my house to watch a movie tomorrow (tonight as I write this) but he text and said there was something going on with his parents.  I asked if someone was sick and he said no. For a few minutes I feared he had a change of heart but then my gut feeling kicked in and I know he didn't have a change of heart. I remember something he told me once and now I'm worried about what might be going on. I hope and pray for good news tomorrow. And I want to thank God for answering my prayers, now I ask God to watch over his family.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Texting Sucks!!!

What this world needs is a lot less texting and a lot more verbal communication. I sent a text to The Bodyguard the other day. Of course if he accepted my phone calls I would have called. I think he took what I said in my text way out of context. I meant it as a caring text and based on what he posted, I don’t think he read it the same way I meant it. I said I hope you find what you are looking for, I wish it were me. I think he may have thought the “I hope you find what you are looking for” as snippy, when in fact it was a genuine wish for him. Of course the latter part about wishing it were me was genuine too. Yesterday was a really bad day for me. One day at a time. I will get better.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My Soul

I opened up my soul to you. I misjudged you. I truly thought and believed you would be in my life forever. You saw me  naked J...... Now I have to get past those feelings. I can do it Monday - Friday 8 - 5, after that...My mind wonders to you. If there was a pill I could take to get me past this I would take it.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I Guess I'm a Fool

The Bodyguard is still not talking to me. I sent him a sweet message, referencing something he had said to someone else. He didn't respond and I really didn't think he would. I'm not going to hide my feelings for him. I do have to accept the fact that he will move on and forget me. That is the hard part. I really thought we would be together forever. I knew there would be troubles, all relationships have troubles but I didn't think he would just shut down completely. On a good note, 1 day has gone by and I didn't cry. If I can make it through today that will be 48 hours.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

These Eyes

Sometimes I think to much.  Sometimes I think to little. Sometimes I don't think at all, but I always think of you J...... I want to take care of you but you won't let me. These eyes are crying for you. Let me love you.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Ups and Downs

There is so much going on these days with not just me but my children and friends. After 68 days I finally got to see the bodyguard. It wasn’t a date, just a gathering with some mutual friends. It felt so good just to be in his presence. I think our patio parties are going to be a good thing for all of us. There is one person that I don’t care for in our group. I don’t like negativity and I damn sure don’t like anyone who puts down someone I love so dearly. I surprised myself with my response to her. I usually can ignore most anything but she caught me off guard. She said something very ugly about someone I love with all my heart and I told her to get out of my face. That is pretty harsh coming from my mouth. She later told the dancing queen that she thought she pissed me off and she did.

I think I’m finally starting to get back to my old self. The one thing I have to work on is being alone. I’m spending way too much time out when I should be home working on my house. I looked at my bed this morning and it’s pathetic. I would take a picture and post it but it’s too embarrassing. I have a king size bed and because it seems so empty now, I have resorted to piling pillows up and unfolded laundry on one side of the bed. When I go to sleep, I find myself rolling over against the pillows. If those pillows grow arms I’m going to freak. Ha! I really have to clean off that bed.

Queenie has found her wedding gown and I bought it for her. It breaks my heart that her father, who should be buying her gown and certainly is financially capable, didn’t do this. Queenie will be moving back to Huntsville in the next month and moving in with me, while The Officer is in Officer training school. I will be happy to have her back in my house for 4 months. It will be an adjustment but one well worth making.

G. I. Joe graduated from High school last month and so far, he has excelled at doing NOTHING! This is really getting on my nerves. I’m giving him 1 month to “relax” and then I’m going into full Mama Mode. Get a job, go to college. I have probably babied him too much, but he was my baby. It’s hard letting go but I know that I have to make him grow up and learn to do things on his own…like his laundry.

My Soul Sister got married. I’m very happy for her. I wish them the best. It does present some problems with me though. New Hubby doesn’t drink very often and Soul Sister and I like to have wine and talk over the world’s problems. I find it upsetting that she keeps wine in my refrigerator and a toothbrush at my house. Bonefish is not the same without her.

I received a notification from American Airline that our flight time has changed by a few minutes. The tickets are in my name and the bodyguard. He has already said that he doesn’t want to go and I can’t change names on the ticket. I had asked that if he really doesn’t want to go, to cancel his flight and pay the $150.00 and use it for something else. I don’t want to bring it up to him but I guess I will have to, because I need to make sure he doesn’t cancel using the ticket number because it’s under both our names. Now, I am stuck trying to find someone who can pay their own airfare, or I will have to pay it for them. I will probably ask the dancing queen to go with me. I really wish the bodyguard would go but I can’t make him.

Friday, June 07, 2013

Tonight

I so wanted you to kiss me tonight J...... I certainly wanted to kiss you. Actually as I write this I realize the date has passed. It was the 1st Friday Patio Party. I don't want to push you or make you uncomfortable. My love for you is so deep. I hope you wear that bracelet that I had especially made for you. Everything seemed so normal for me. You even seemed to be OK being around me. Of course, I followed you around like a puppy. I hope I wasn't over bearing.