Friday, April 05, 2013

Please Forgive Me.

I am truly sorry I hurt you. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. The things I wrote were me lashing out because I was afraid. I should have talked to you about all these things but was afraid of what your answer might be. It's you I want but was afraid of so many things. I was afraid you would leave me for that woman that you left me once before for. I know how badly you want to have a relationship with your son. I was afraid you liked me because of my children. I want you to stay over during the week but you can't. It's been 11 years since I've been in a committed relationship. Can't you see how scared I must be? But the very thought of not having you in my life as my boyfriend absolutely makes me sick to my stomach. About a week or 2 ago, I decided that it was going to work between us, before then I had doubts. I would marry you today if you asked me to. I'm so sorry you saw those words. I hope you believe me when I say that I have nothing in my heart for anyone but you. When I think of you, I think of a poem by EE Cummins.

I Carry Your Heart With Me.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet ) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)