Wednesday, September 21, 2011

For Trade

For Trade – 1 Strapping, Evil, Fat Long Living Beautiful Black and White Cat (or some facsimile of a cat). I’m fairly sure she has only used up 2 of her 9 lives. She goes by the name of Ruby Sue or sometimes I like to use more fitting names like Bitch! Or Damn it! She recognizes all the names and responds to them all in the same way. If called by any of those names she will do nothing at all. I will trade her for any or all of the following. A running chainsaw, DeWALT cordless drill, a boyfriend, ceiling fan (installed), Electrolux vacuum, in ground swimming pool or remodeled kitchen. With this trade I will also provide extra kitty litter because she poops a lot. The lucky person who trades for this cat will no longer need an alarm clock nor will you need a gun. She will stand outside your bedroom door waiting for you to come out to feed her. If you do not wake in time she will start caterwauling until you wake. If anyone try’s to enter your premises she will pounce on them like a possessed ninja and will not back down.

If you have small children or other animals that you love, this cat is not for you. You must bring your own transportation, I will give her some good drugs before you arrive and I will help you put her in a secure locking box (I will provide this).

References to everything I have described are available upon request.

1 comment:

RisingSun said...

We nick named my daughter's kitten Osama bin Kitty.