Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Types of Sex as Defined By the Cake Lady

Carnival Sex – This is the most desired type of sex (by me) and also the hardest to find. Persons having Carnival Sex may think they are at the Carnival. They could experience the Roller Coaster, Bumper Cars, Cotton Candy, The House of Mirrors and Water Rides. Some even like the swings (not me).

Merry Go Round Sex – This type of sex can be enjoyed by yourself or another person. As with the Merry Go Round, you can ride this by yourself or you may have a partner join you. It gets your heart rate up but you don’t experience all the thrills that you do with Carnival Sex but it is still enjoyable.

Styrofoam Sex – This is the most undesirable type of sex for me. This is also sometimes referred to as a Booty Call. This type of sex is very much like a Styrofoam Cup. Use it then throw it away. Wham Bam Thank You Maam! No Thanks!

Friday, October 15, 2010

My Good Deed For The Day

This is the first call I received at work this morning.

Good Morning, may I help you?
Is this the Police Department?

No, you have the wrong number.
Do you know the number to the police department?

Yes, It’s 911.
Can you help me?

Ma’am, you have the wrong number.
I called 705-****, isn’t that the police department number?

No Ma’am this is a business.
What am I supposed to do?

Ma’am, are you in danger?
My neighbor is playing his music too loud. I can’t hear my show... I axed him to stop and he turned it up louder. Somebody needs to whoop his scrawny ass.

Are you in Alabama?
Yes, I am.

I think maybe you called the wrong area code, you called area code 256
Do you know what number I should be calling?

The area code is probably 205 or 334
Which one should I call?

Where do you live?
I lives in Opelika

Hang on, let me Google this for you.
Thank you honey, I’m going to miss my show.

I believe the number you are looking for is 334-705-****
Can you transfer me?

No Ma’am, I can’t do that.
Well let me try to call them.

Good Luck!