Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Where Did it Come From?

The big day had arrived. For months GI Joe and I had been looking forward to seeing the Blue Angels at the air show in Huntsville. When we got there the sky was partly cloudy. I changed into my tennis shoes because we had to walk a long way to the gate. I debated about taking my umbrella and decided since it was a small tote umbrella that I would take it just in case. Just as we arrived at the gates it started to rain. It wasn’t a hard rain but it was rain just the same. Lots of people wear leaving because of the rain, because the other people were leaving GI Joe and I were able to get closer to the front than what I had expected. Within seconds the light rain turned violent. My umbrella was useless so I closed it. As I closed my umbrella I saw the tents that had been set up for the VIP’s being torn apart by the wind and the metal poles that were holding the tents were pulled up. The poles were twirling around in the sky like a baton. I honestly thought we were going to die. GI Joe saw people being hit with the flying debris and screamed run. We started running, but didn’t know where to run. All we could think to do was to get out of the path of the flying debris. We were in Tornado ally, nothing but flat land and a lot of cars around. Where did this come from? This was supposed to be a day of fun. We ran till we got behind a large SUV and took cover there. At that time my 13 year old son put his arm around me and kept saying “just be calm Mama, it will be OK”. Even in my panic it occurred to me that my young son was acting like a man. How very proud I am of that. Within a few minutes it all stopped and the sun was shining. I learned later that it was a micro burst and not a Tornado. I also learned just how lucky we were. 12 people were injured and 1 young boy died. As I think about my own son and the courage he showed, my heart goes out to this family that lost their son.

I can't figure out how to add this video, so I just added this link.


Friday, June 13, 2008

Panty Advice!

Good Morning Boys and Girls! Good Ole Cake Lady wants to share her new found knowledge concerning spare panties. Always keep a pair of panties in the back of your panty drawer because you never know when you are going to wake up and every pair of panties that you own are in your dryer that no longer works. Not too long ago over the course of about a year, I lost a lot of weight. Since I couldn’t afford to reward myself with a trip to some exotic island I decided to do the next best thing. I threw away every pair of white granny panty that I had and replaced them with the pretty colored panties from Victoria’s Secret. I vowed never to wear a pair of white panties again. So if you ever see me in a white skirt or white pants and it looks like a rainbow on my tail, it probably is and I know it’s there. When switching to the VS panties, I also decided that if any of them begin to fade in color, that they must be replaced. I decided that I need 12 pair of panties, an even dozen seemed plenty to me. Yesterday I put on my last pair of clean panties and put all the rest of them in the wash. Before I went to bed, I put them in the dryer and turned it on. This morning I get up, go to the dryer for the clean panties and guess what? All of my clothes are still wet. I’m thinking maybe I got distracted and forgot to turn the dryer on. I push the button to start the dryer and nothing happens. I check to make sure the door is shut and it is. Next I check the breaker box and all switches are where they are supposed to be and I even flip them for good measure. Still nothing happens. Now I have 2 problems. No, make that 3 problems. I have no dry panties to wear to work. I am going out of town and I have no dry panties to take with me and my dryer is broken. I have to call work and tell them I will be late because I have to dry my panties. That got a good laugh. In case you don’t know, it takes about 10 – 15 minutes to dry pretty colored cotton panties with the blow dryer. I had to get the rest of the clothes dry because I am leaving to go out of town right after work and was afraid the clothes would sour if I left them in the dryer over the weekend. So, I take the rest of the clothes (minus 3 pair of wet panties) to my friend’s house and put them in her dryer. She has no idea I was even there. She was still asleep. I wish I could see the look on her face when she opens her dryer and finds someone else’s clothes in there. I took 3 pair of panties and I laid them on top of my suitcase in the trunk of the car so that they can dry. Isn’t that how everyone dries their panties? Anyway, a dozen is not enough. Go for the bakers dozen and keep #13 hidden in the back of the drawer in case your dryer stops working when you need it most.

Monday, June 02, 2008

How Many Days Left Till School Starts Again?

Picture this. Before I went to bed last night I remind #1 son that he is not allowed to have any company in the house while I am at work tomorrow. I ask him to repeat what I said and he does. Seems pretty clear to me that #1 son understands my instructions. Any of you folks out there that have children know that God blesses you with a 7th sense, you know that nagging feeling that someone is up to no good. That 7th sense kicked in today when I had not received the normal 230 – 271 calls that I get when he is at home by himself. I decided to go home for lunch and see what was going on. I arrived about 1:15 and saw several bikes parked at the back of my driveway (none belonging to #1 son). I walked to the back of the house hoping to find the owners of the bikes in my backyard but no luck. As soon as I stepped in the door, I hear what sounds like a heard of horses trying to get back with the rest of the pack. One unknown voice shouts “GI Joe – your mother is here”. I hear more tripping and loud whispers then out pops #1 son from his bedroom and he is trying to shut his bedroom door but can’t. He is biting his nails and his eyes are wide as saucers. He try’s to be upbeat and says in the most cheerful voice “Hey Mom, what are you doing home? I thought you got off work at 5?. I remind him that I had reminded him last night that he was not to have anyone in the house while I was gone. He is lucky that I can control my anger because his response nearly had me to throttle him. He says “Oh I forgot” to which I called Bullshit, you just got caught. I tell the boys to leave and they promptly do while never taking their eyes off of me. I know they thought I was going to start beating some ass right there on the spot. I ask #1 son what all the commotion was in his room and he tells me that when I came home he just remembered that he was not supposed to have anyone over so he was trying to get them out the window before I got to his room. Did he really think he would get away with this? Is it a boy thing to just dig a hole deeper an deeper??? Oh and if him lying and then trying to cover it up was not enough, he calls me when I get back to work and asks if he can spend the night with someone to which I reply “NO” and he has the nerve to ask why!! I told him he could not spend the night with anyone because he lied and then tried to cover up his lie, he started to argue and I just hung up. What a fun summer this is going to be! HOW MANY DAYS TILL SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN?????

Thursday, April 03, 2008

The Letter Game

Here are the rules: Write ten words beginning with that letter in your blog, including an explanation of why you chose it.

Kelwhy chose "K" because it's the first letter of her name, so I think it's only appropriate that I do the same. So I will use "C"

10 Words that begin with the letter "C"

  1. Cunt - I hate this word. It is the vilest word I can think of. Well maybe rape is more vile but you hear rape all the time but cunt is not something you hear too often. I think that is why the movie Atonement was nominated for so many awards. It used the word Cunt in the beginning and it was even spelled out in black and white. It set the tone for the movie. Oh and I didn't really care for the movie.

  2. Catfish - I chose this word because I am reminded of a time about 5 years ago that I went fishing with my Dad on Fathers Day. We were out on the lake all day and I am the only one that caught anything. It was a nice one too. My Dad loves telling that story even if he didn't catch anything. I have the picture to prove it. Me and my 8 pound catfish! .
  3. Children - Gods most precious gift to us and also the thing that makes us crazy. I believe this happens because of all the hormones that are put in food to make it grow faster. The food hormones that our children consume when they eat gets absorbed into them and it causes them to mutate into something that we can no longer recognize. They look like they belong to us but you are constantly questioning "Who is this child"?
  4. Chapters - Those are our beginning's and our endings. Sometimes our chapters are interesting and you want to tell everyone to read with me, it's a great life. Then you finish that chapter and begin a new one and sometimes the new one is ugly and you don't want to be there but you trudge on because you know this chapter will eventually end and another will start and you can only hope for another good chapter.
  5. Canoodle - It's fun to say and It's fun to do. Just thinking about it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
  6. Cake - Never pass up the opportunity for celebration cake. If a person is celebrating something and they ask you to celebrate with them, have a bite of cake. What ever they are celebrating will only happen that one time. If it's a birthday, what ever age they are turning will only happen once. Be happy and honored that you were asked to be a part of that celebration.
  7. Cayman Islands - Because there is sand, ocean and sun.
  8. Candles - They can set a romantic mood, they illuminate a dark room, they can keep you warm, they can smell good, they calm me when I sit and watch the flame flicker.
  9. Circles - I don't like them. They take you no where. I like lines.
  10. Colors - The choices are endless. I like to wear pink. I want to be surrounded in blue. When I see yellow I feel happy. My eyes are Green. Red is a great accent color for my house.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Beware of the Sharks!

Hello everyone. Several of you dear readers have sent me e-mails asking where I have been. Well, I have been to Hell and back and still making short trips to Hell. I haven't had a lot of good things to talk about so I just don't talk at all. Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, the sharks attack. Or in this case the Shark is Queenie and the water is Life. I know the things that are going on will pass but until they do, I will be trying to survive these vicious attacks. Oh, and if the shark attack is not bad enough there is the whale that's trying to swallow the shark so I have to save the shark. Damn if I do and damn if I don't. I feel very tired.

There are a couple of good things that have happened since I last signed on. A very good friend of mine opened a new Italian restaurant www.tortoras.com and I have been helping him out. I really enjoy this job. It pays real money and I get to actually be around people. I met 2 world pizza champions; Joe Carlucci and Tony Gemignani. You can watch them in action April 02, 2008 12:00 PM ET/PT.

I was accosted by a German Kissing bandit one night. I don't think I need to tell you what happened. OK, I'll tell. He kissed me. I had never laid eyes on this guy before. I was walking out of an establishment and he laid one on me. OK, yes I kissed him back.

I hope to be back to my usuall fun self soon.
Take Care!
The Cake Lady

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Dating Advice From Queenie

Yesterday I was fooling around on the Internet and ran across this little test that asked "Are you too picky when it comes to men"?. Well, I already knew the answer but was curious if the test agreed with me. I took the test and it came out pretty much like I expected it to, and I sent the test and my results to a bunch of my friends. Queenie was all over this. Below is the test results and her advice. I don’t agree with them all but they sure made me laugh and I am still laughting today when I read these.

Are You Too Picky When It Comes To Men?
You Are Picky When it Counts........
Like most sane women, you want a great guy who will treat you well.
But you're also willing to put up with a few flaws in your Mr. Right
You should congratulate yourself on having a realistic approach to dating.
You probably have quite a few great guys you can date!........

Queenie's Response:
Yep, so true. Your standards are way too high. I’ve taken the liberty of listing what you need to look for in a man.
  1. Male
  2. Full head of dark hair
  3. Smart, but dumber than you
  4. Tall
  5. Likes to travel
  6. Makes a lot of money
  7. Auburn Fan
  8. In shape, no beer gut
  9. No kids
  10. Will NOT insist on being a gentleman and walking you to the car on the first date.
  11. Can entertain himself, because after all he can’t expect you to keep him entertained when you can barely keep yourself entertained.
  12. Knows how to have a good time
  13. Speaks Carol
  14. Non-Liberal
  15. Can make you laugh
  16. Can watch a chick flick
  17. Prefers wine over beer
  18. Fords over Chevy’s
  19. Good Teeth
  20. Clean
  21. Clean feet, no nasty toe nails
  22. No back hair
  23. Can give good massages
  24. Has patience
  25. Many more but will stop here

Now see Mom, we live in Huntsville, AL. not all of these are possible.
Lower your standards cuz you’re not gonna live with me when you get old.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Brave or Weak?

Last week on Valentine’s day I took myself to dinner as I do so many times. I have become accustomed to dining alone. I go to the places that I can eat at the bar, that way I blend in with the rest of the people and don’t feel like I have a big neon sign on my head that say’s “She is alone”. On this particular occasion I ran into a friend who I had not seen in a while. She invited me to have dinner with her and her husband and I did. It wasn’t long before I noticed tension between the two of them. This tension surprised me because they have not been married that long. When he excused himself to go to the Men’s room, she confided in me something that really threw me for a loop. She said to me “I am such a horrible person”. I asked her why she thought she was a horrible person and she told me that she had married this man because she needed security for her children. I told her that I thought she was brave and meant it. When I told her this, I wasn’t just saying it to make her feel better. I really did see her as brave and I saw myself as weak. I have been divorced for almost 6 years and always seem to be attracted to the men who are what I consider safe. You know the one’s that live so far away that you can’t commit, or the one’s that you know from the beginning that are fun but don’t want a family. Those types seemed like the ideal boyfriends. I thought I could have a boyfriend every other week but I didn’t count on them not wanting ME every other week. I think I have turned down as many dates as I have gone on, just because I knew from the beginning that they were looking for a long term relationship.

I am not writing this because I plan to change anything. If anything, maybe I have decided that I am not weak, I am brave to protect my children and myself.

What is your idea of bravery?

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Buckle Up!

I never write much about work and I suppose it's because I like what I do and it would be boring for most folks and after 5pm, I leave it at the office. There have been some changes around the office that I just don't think I will ever get used to, so I feel compelled to tell someone about it. Back in November our office moved to a new location. Our new location is centrally located and it is decor looks like a picture out of Southern Living magazine. I have to hand it to my boss; his thinking is that we spend so much time at the office that we should be comfortable. He even went so far as to put in the top of the line toilets. This brings me to my point. I have never sat on a toilet and looked for the seat belts before but I'm looking for some on these. These toilets have the most powerful flush. Here comes the TMI. I have never thought about this before but I suppose we all use the toilet in the same manner. Sit, do your business, wipe, stand and zip then flush. That is exactly how I used to do it. The first time I flushed the toilet, it sounded like a damn jet engine was taking off. It scared me so bad that I jumped back and hit my head against the bathroom door. After I composed myself, I did a second flush to make sure there was nothing wrong with our new potty. It did the same thing. I jumped again but this time was sort of expecting it so I didn't fall into the wall trying to get away from what surely was going to explode. I never did get used to all this noise so I decided to try something new. Now when I use the potty I sit, do my business, wipe but do not get up before I flush. I sit when I flush, and I have to say it is quite an experience. It's almost like a bidet except with air and not water. It's been almost 2 months now and I have still not gotten used to air blowing up my lower orifices. I must admit though, it is a bit refreshing sometimes. There is just nothing like cold gail force winds blowing up your ass.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Happy Birthday To Me!

Happy Birthday to

Happy Birthday to

Happy Birthday Dear

Happy Birthday to Me!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

A Look Back at 2007

So many things have happened in 2007 and since I started this blog in 2006. I haven’t been writing much because I have felt overwhelmed and then a friend of mine wrote something that inspired me. My friend Mildred started a blog that you will not see on here but it’s a blog just the same. He wrote that he had started a blog and trashed it and started again and trashed it, and then he said he remembered why he started writing blogs in the first place. He was writing for him. This was his therapy. And then it hit me. I started writing blogs for the same reasons. For those bloggies that have taken the time to visit me, you know that I have not written a lot lately. I have felt so overwhelmed that I have become withdrawn from more than the blogger world. I know that it started around the 1st of November and it continued through Christmas. Here it is January 16th and I do feel a bit better but I’m not completely over it. I don’t think the reasons for my withdrawal from the world are important, at least not in this blog. The main thing is that I’m feeling better and am reminded that like Mildred this is for me. In remembering that it becomes easier to write.

I think one of the most important things that happened to me in 2007 was that I made new friends and became closer with some that I already had.

I had 3 relationships in 2007. I continue to see the White Russian and we become closer everyday. I met Mr. Mustang in December of 2006 and on my Birthday January 21st we became more than friends. Although that relationship didn’t last the friendship did. I tried to be a “Lover” to Mr. Italy and it was fun at the time but I know now that a lover is not what I want. We too have remained friends.

Aunt J and I have known each other since our early 20’s. We didn’t really start hanging out till about 5 years ago and in this past year because we are both single we have clung to each other. She has introduced me to some of her friends and I can now call Playboy and HP my friends. Trick, I’m so happy for you and the Old Man. I would rather be grilling naked at home than out drinking and dancing in the bars. I have known Mildred for about 5 years and it’s only in the last year that we have become like sisters, hence the reason for the alias Mildred.

I met Mr. Drama Battalion, The Chicken Lady, Princess and several others that make me feel comfortable enough to share my thoughts, drinks and smiles with.

I still have some of the dearest friends a woman can ask for. Jewels & Hubby, Jo Jo, Trick & The Old Man, Bull and Mully and Jazz Square, I Love You!

I had the pleasure of meeting and sharing drinks and dinner with one of my fellow bloggie buddies. Sugar Daddy, you are a sweetheart. I haven’t met any of the others but for those of you that are on my blog list then you got there for something more than HNT.

I have gotten stronger when it comes to standing up to Asshole.

I have become closer with my children, Queenie in particular.

I have learned that I can’t fix everything. I can lend an ear, a shoulder or even money but I can’t fix it.

I have learned that it’s Ok to ask for help and if I make a mistake, true friends will forgive.

In closing, I have become a stronger woman because of the lessons that I have learned, the friends that I have grown closer to and the new friends that I have made.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Pish Posh

I just love saying those words "Pish Posh". I don't know why but I do. What do you think they mean? I think it means "Bull Shit" and so as I try to set a good example for Queenie and GI Joe, I say Pish Posh. A few things that make me say Pish Posh...
  • Queenie doesn't want a RFCU debit card because it says empower on it. WTF??? She had a Regions debit card but it seems they cancelled her card because even though she had money in the bank, it was not available till after 2:00pm. Pish Posh Queenie! Who gives a rat’s ass if the debit card has the word empower on it? Get over it!
  • Asshole got mad because I didn't alert him that Queenie got slugged at a Hockey game. What could he do about it? Nothing? He doesn't even come to the games. I myself didn't realize how bad it was till the next day when her cheek turned black and blue. Side note here folks....is a free Jersey really so important that you have to get violent with the girls that are giving them out? Pish Posh for sure!
  • To those people who boycotted "The Golden Compass" I say Pish Posh! Get real, it's just fantasy. Great movie!!!
  • Pish Posh on primary elections. It's cool if all the States held a primary election on the same day but just who says the good folks of New Hampshire know anything more than us good folk down here in the South or anywhere else for that matter. I guess what really urks me is that people want to vote for winners and when New Hampshire has a primary and declares winners then too many people will want to vote for a winner and not really think about what they are doing. Pish Posh for sure!

I really don't have a lot to say here today. I am slowly getting out of my funk. Thank God the holidays are over. Next year I might just skip town that way I don't have to pretend that I'm happy. I didn't succeed in fooling anyone this year.

I couldn't cancel Christmas so there is no use trying to cancel my upcoming big 48, so instead I will embrace it. I'm inviting everyone I know to dinner. Not to worry Trick, I'm not cooking. We will all go out where someone will cook for us.

Pish Posh Everyone!
Hugs and Kisses Too!