Saturday, December 29, 2007
Dreams or Real Life?
I am having those dreams again. The kinds of dreams that can’t be distinguished between real life and sleep dreams. When I awoke this morning my chest was pounding, my heart was racing and I couldn’t catch my breath. I laid in bed for a long time trying to rationalize what was happening to me. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. I laid in bed for 2 hours reliving and thinking about my thoughts or dreams or was it real? It took me about 2 hours to finally realize that it was just a dream. I think to most people what I had dreamed would not be a big deal because what was causing me such stress is heard all the time. I dreamed I took the Lords name in vain. I have only done this a few times and when I say a few times I can count them on 1 hand. Last night I went to sleep angry with one of my sisters. I awoke reliving a dream. The shame that I felt was unbearable and I truly believe that it is why I was having all the physical reactions. I don’t claim to be a Christian 100 percent of the time but believe it or not, I do try. I know God forgives but I can’t seem to forgive myself, not even for a dream. In my dream I was very angry with one of my sisters and not only did I take the Lords name in vain but I wrestled her to the ground and was trying to physically hurt her. Most of the day my body felt strange and emotionally drained from this dream. I have always heard that when you dream you are falling that you will wake up before you hit the ground or you will die. Does that apply to morals in a dream too?