Saturday, December 29, 2007

Dreams or Real Life?

I am having those dreams again. The kinds of dreams that can’t be distinguished between real life and sleep dreams. When I awoke this morning my chest was pounding, my heart was racing and I couldn’t catch my breath. I laid in bed for a long time trying to rationalize what was happening to me. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. I laid in bed for 2 hours reliving and thinking about my thoughts or dreams or was it real? It took me about 2 hours to finally realize that it was just a dream. I think to most people what I had dreamed would not be a big deal because what was causing me such stress is heard all the time. I dreamed I took the Lords name in vain. I have only done this a few times and when I say a few times I can count them on 1 hand. Last night I went to sleep angry with one of my sisters. I awoke reliving a dream. The shame that I felt was unbearable and I truly believe that it is why I was having all the physical reactions. I don’t claim to be a Christian 100 percent of the time but believe it or not, I do try. I know God forgives but I can’t seem to forgive myself, not even for a dream. In my dream I was very angry with one of my sisters and not only did I take the Lords name in vain but I wrestled her to the ground and was trying to physically hurt her. Most of the day my body felt strange and emotionally drained from this dream. I have always heard that when you dream you are falling that you will wake up before you hit the ground or you will die. Does that apply to morals in a dream too?

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Only 5 More Days

If my math is correct there is only 5 days left till Christmas. Someone should probably check me on the math because I have been know just recently to make a mistake in the math department. So many of you have sent me personal notes asking where I am. I'm still around, I just haven't felt the Holiday spirit. Although last weekend I did feel some sort of spirit. Aunt J, Play boy and myself went to our favorite watering hole for some Holiday Cheer. I looked up at the bar and there sat Mr. Drama looking all sophisticated, chatting it up with the Chicken Lady. What I saw him do caused me to have flashbacks from the eighties. It was weird seeing someone smoke hash at the bar. Just Kidding folks, no one was smoking hash but what I saw did cause me to think about something I have not thought of in years. Yes, the Cake Lady in her younger years partook in the evils of illegal drugs. Mr. Drama was smoking his stogies and drinking something from a Brandy snifter. Then I watched him blow the smoke from his stogie into the glass and handed it to the Chicken Lady and she breathed it in. Wow - did that take me back. Very weird indeed. I asked what they were doing and apparently this ritual is quite normal to the stogie smoking world. I think it even had a name but if it does, I don't remember the name. He asked if I wanted to breath this stuff and I declined. I asked what he was drinking and I tried a sip. Mr. Drama turned me on to a Ski Lodge (I think). It was really warm and yummy good. Then someone mentioned a Quaalude. Again I thought I was back in the eighties but it turns out there is a drink called a Quaalude and yes, I had to try that too. I'm glad that I gave all that stuff up.

I want to wish everyone of you a very Merry Christmas. May you be blessed with whatever it is that you need to keep your sanity intact. I suggest a Ski Lodge and a Quaalude.

May God Bless you all!
Love,
The Cake Lady

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Queenie Has a Heart

It's been a long time since I talked about Queenie. Primarily because when I speak to/of her lately my blood boils. Any of you out there with a 16 year old daughter know what I am talking about. Well, Queenie surprised me the other day. It turns out that Queenie has a heart after all. The sister of one of her friends was diagnosed with Fanconi Anemia a form of Leukemia.

Queenie wanted to be tested to become a bone marrow donor. I told her that I would look into it and I did. If you have been looking for me lately you know that I haven't been around. I have been beyond busy. I finally did get around to looking into what was involved in being tested and if a match, what the procedure is for donating marrow. It took me about 2 weeks to get around to doing this and during that time her friend and the rest of his family got tested to see if they were a match to donate their bone marrow. When they got the results back they were devastated to find that not only their daughter has Fanconi Anemia but her brother does too (Queenie's friend). It turns out that Queenie is not old enough to be tested. You have to be 18. Even though she can't do this, it makes me very proud of her for wanting to help.