Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Cake Ladies Rules for Parenting

It seems that every where I turn someone is talking about how to be a good parent. Yesterday I was reading a blog from one of my fellow blogger's The Torn Pages and she told us of parenting rule #75. I asked her to send me a copy of these rules because I must have misplaced mine. Until I receive the official instruction booklet from her, I will just have to use what I have learned over the past 16 years. I am listing my rules for any of you readers who need a little extra help or maybe like me didn't receive any rules or instructions when you received your little bundle joy. These are in no particular order (much like my mind). I will talk in great detail about these rules in later post's. This is simply the starter kit.

  1. Stay in hospital after birth as long as you can and let everyone take care of the baby. Never ever change a diaper while you are in the hospital.
  2. Listen carefully to the Pediatrician when they tell you what to feed the baby.
  3. Involve them in rock hunts. There are many clues out there in the world for them to find.
  4. Feed them last nights dinner and you should eat tonight's dinner. It really makes for good dinner conversation.
  5. Answer their questions honestly about blow jobs.
  6. Teach them to drive at an early age of 4.
  7. Teach them skills like pole dancing and cooking.
  8. Read all of their notes from their friends.
  9. Don't misplace their privates (genitals).
  10. Teach them to take pictures of you while you are showering. It's very important that you not know that they are taking these pictures.
  11. Don't lose them while you are on vacation.
  12. Teach them to pray.
  13. Read to them every night.
  14. Don't believe them when they tell you that their arm is broken (they will really stand out and shine if you do this).
  15. Don't believe them when they tell you they have rocks in their ears.
  16. Keep a staple remover on hand for removing staples from their head and arms.
  17. Get a cute 16 year old with a belly button piercing to teach them to swim.
  18. Hug them daily.
  19. Get to the bottom of why they refuse to brush their teeth even if it requires you to drag them by the hair down the hall to the bathroom.
  20. Watch scary movies with them. They like it when their mom try's to hide behind them or jump in their lap.
  21. Encourage them to go from table to table to sample food in restaurants. The other diners just love it.

I am sure there are more rules but for now, I will go with these. Good luck parents and parents to be!


Jay said...


I think maybe your mom-license should be revoked.

Cake Lady said...

Great! More trouble! I don't have the instruction booklet or a license!

BO Snagley said...

Dont forget to keep them from going barefoot in the chicken coop.

Junebugg said...

How about teaching them to lie with a straight face. Wait, I think they're born knowing how to do that.......

Southern Sweetheart said...

And these reasons, my friends, are further proof that I've made good decisions thus far in life. Child-less and carefree -- that's me! :)

egan said...

I have to agree with Jay on this list. I'm never listening to your suggestions again. Well, not if it has to do with parenting... sort of.

Slick said...

lol...Ha, I did half of these!

Great list ;)

sue said...

Oooo... I think you found some that weren't on my list! (Silly woman, there is no "official" list.. this is a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants job!)

I can't wait to hear the details! ;)

Anonymous said...

Make sure they know that you are NOT going to bail them out of jail the night they are arrested. One night is enough to convince most of them that jail is not a good place.