Wednesday, October 31, 2007

BOO!!




Did I scare you???

Have a safe Halloween. Remember to alway practice safe HEX!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Cake Ladies Rules for Parenting

It seems that every where I turn someone is talking about how to be a good parent. Yesterday I was reading a blog from one of my fellow blogger's The Torn Pages and she told us of parenting rule #75. I asked her to send me a copy of these rules because I must have misplaced mine. Until I receive the official instruction booklet from her, I will just have to use what I have learned over the past 16 years. I am listing my rules for any of you readers who need a little extra help or maybe like me didn't receive any rules or instructions when you received your little bundle joy. These are in no particular order (much like my mind). I will talk in great detail about these rules in later post's. This is simply the starter kit.

  1. Stay in hospital after birth as long as you can and let everyone take care of the baby. Never ever change a diaper while you are in the hospital.
  2. Listen carefully to the Pediatrician when they tell you what to feed the baby.
  3. Involve them in rock hunts. There are many clues out there in the world for them to find.
  4. Feed them last nights dinner and you should eat tonight's dinner. It really makes for good dinner conversation.
  5. Answer their questions honestly about blow jobs.
  6. Teach them to drive at an early age of 4.
  7. Teach them skills like pole dancing and cooking.
  8. Read all of their notes from their friends.
  9. Don't misplace their privates (genitals).
  10. Teach them to take pictures of you while you are showering. It's very important that you not know that they are taking these pictures.
  11. Don't lose them while you are on vacation.
  12. Teach them to pray.
  13. Read to them every night.
  14. Don't believe them when they tell you that their arm is broken (they will really stand out and shine if you do this).
  15. Don't believe them when they tell you they have rocks in their ears.
  16. Keep a staple remover on hand for removing staples from their head and arms.
  17. Get a cute 16 year old with a belly button piercing to teach them to swim.
  18. Hug them daily.
  19. Get to the bottom of why they refuse to brush their teeth even if it requires you to drag them by the hair down the hall to the bathroom.
  20. Watch scary movies with them. They like it when their mom try's to hide behind them or jump in their lap.
  21. Encourage them to go from table to table to sample food in restaurants. The other diners just love it.

I am sure there are more rules but for now, I will go with these. Good luck parents and parents to be!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Strange Happenings At The Cake Ladies House

Do you think it is possible for a couple of large ants to turn my DVD player on? I know it sounds very strange but it's the only explanation that I can think of. I returned from Sunny Florida Saturday. I sat down to check my e-mails. The TV was on but I was not watching it. Then my attention was drawn away from my e-mails because the TV got very loud and wasn't making any sense at all. Then I realized that the DVD player had turned itself on. I was the only one in the house and the DVD remote was on the other side of the coffee table. I turned it off and thought "this is strange". This happened again a couple of more times that afternoon. Later I fell asleep on the couch with the TV on and was awakened this morning around 1am because the DVD player had turned itself on. It scared the hell out of me. That time I unplugged it.

This morning while laboring in the bathroom mirror I noticed an extra large black ant crawling on the wall beside me. I know that most people wouldn't be too alarmed at 1 ant crawling on the wall but the strange thing about this ant was that it was super huge and it was black. In the spring time I get small brown sugar ants in the kitchen but I'm expecting them and set dinner out for them. They don't come back to eat again. This ant was black like charcoal. I took some tissue and smooshed it. Then I looked up and there was another one trying to push me out of the mirror. I grabbed another piece of tissue and was going to smoosh this one too but it went behind the mirror and I think it carried my eyeliner back there too because I can't find it. I realize I am making much to do about 2 ants but the thing is, I was raised in the country and have seen many kinds of animals and rodents. I believe these ants to be a new species, and they are large and strong enough to push a DVD power button and steal my toiletries. Tomorrow I fear when I go to put on my make-up and do my hair that I will have to do battle with the ant that hid behind the mirror. And even worse, what if the 2 ants fornicated in my bathroom??? How long does it take for an ant egg to hatch?

I used boric acid to kill the small pony sized cock roaches that were nesting in my pine bark outside, and it also killed my boxwood's. I suppose I could pour boric acid all over my bathroom floor but it would probably also kill the demonic bitch from hell (my cat). I can assure you if she died that I would be the only one to miss her. Well, not really I wouldn't but I'm the Cake Lady and couldn't hurt anything but cock roaches and ants. Most of my friends ask me as they leave my house if they can show her the backside of their car tires.

Wish me luck tomorrow morning!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I wanted to thank you for your comment "You Slut". At first it bothered me because you don’t know me. Then I gave it a bit more thought and maybe you are right. Maybe I am a slut. But you know what? It’s my choice.

Note: The original blog has been edited. Why? Because it's my choice :-) and my blog.

Thanks for the comments <3