Monday, August 27, 2007

Meltdown, Guilt, Awakenings & Unconditional Love

The Meltdown - This morning I had a complete meltdown with GI Joe. He had been sick last week and went to the Doctor. The Doctor gave him some medicine and an excuse for school. This morning I wake GI Joe up, tell him to get a shower, take his medicine and make sure he has his excuse for school. He gets his shower, takes his medicine and some how loses his school excuse while walking from his bedroom to the family room. 7:40am, I am trying to remain calm about this and I am failing miserably. One of my biggest pet peeves is losing things. I ask him if he actually had the excuse in his hands this morning and he said yes. I can not believe this. How can it happen. 7:45am I tell him to get me a piece of paper that I will write a note. He goes to the kitchen drawer and pulls out a sticky note that is about 3"x3". That is when I really lost it. I start screaming at him at the top of my lungs to get me a piece of paper. I may have even said get me a Damn piece of paper, to which he replied "You can get it, it's closer to you". Now I am totally unglued. I scream back at him that it is his responsibility to get the excuse to school and not mine. GI Joe starts tearing up. He didn't cry but I could tell that I had really got to him.

The Guilt - Now I have upset GI Joe and he has a science test today. I should not have gotten so out of control over an excuse for school. Now I am filled with guilt about screaming at my child. He definitely deserved something but I doubt the amount of screaming that I did helped anything. Hopefully he will be able to forget about everything that happened this morning and concentrate on his test. If he fails this test regardless of the reason, I will undoubtedly feel guilty.

The Awakening - Mr. Italy has called me twice since I was last with him and I didn't want to see him. It seems that I have realized a warm body does not replace a warm body that truly cares about me.


Sugardaddy said...

I once told someone that I was unconditionally in love with her. When she asked for a definition I could only think of "remember when in the hospital they handed you Xxxxxx for the first time?"
That my friends is unconditional love. And yes I still feel this way about her.

Sugardaddy said...

And sooner or later we all melt down on each of our kids. He will forget. You probably will not.

HEWY said...

Hard love with the kids. They will become people adults.