Friday, August 24, 2007

Deep Feeling's From The Cake Lady

My feelings today run the gamut. Actually it has been this whole last week or maybe two weeks.

I know that a lot of it has to do with Mr. Mustang. I met him for drinks last week and I had a good time. Then the next day he said something that almost seemed like he regretted calling me. This confused me. Then last night he called me again and we went to dinner together. He then admitted that he is very much in turmoil over his latest relationship. I listened to him and reminded him that he didn't have to make any decisions right now. He is as bad as me about beating himself up. Mr. Mustang is only my friend now. I want much more than his friendship, I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm not holding my breath waiting on it to happen but I can't help but remember just how comfortable I was when we were seeing each other and I find myself comparing everyone to him.

I had lunch with the Test Pilot yesterday and I did enjoy his company. I am pretty sure he will call me again and that scares me. I like him, I'm attracted to him but since my divorce 5 years ago I have made a new and different life for myself. It works for me and I am afraid to change it.

I met someone the other night. I will call him Mr. Drama Battalion. This one bothers me the most because I had a few drinks and I told him about this blog and guess what? He took the time to read it and I assume he will read this as well. You are attractive, intelligent and considerate. I couldn't figure out if you wanted to "date me" or just "date me for a night". Either way it scared me. As you can see, I have a lot of stuff running through my head. It mostly has to do with being in control. I promised myself that I would write honestly on here so I must continue to do so even though you are possibly reading this.

I have been seeing Mr. Florida on and off for 4 years. He treats me like a queen. We couldn't be any more different. I have no commitment to him but for some reason I feel guilty when I see other men. I tell him all the time that the reason it works for us is that we are on a perpetual honeymoon. I only see him about once a month so we don't know what it's like to deal with the day to day things that most people face.

It is very easy with Mr. Italy because I know he wants nothing more than sex with me. He doesn't want to have a relationship with me and I don't want one with him.

Then there is Asshole. After 5 years he is still trying to control me. He sent me an e-mail yesterday "instructing me to do something" I did very well though. After shaking violently because it made me so mad, I did nothing. I didn't respond to the e-mail and I sure as hell didn't do as he instructed me to do. I am making progress in this department.

In a nutshell this is what it boils down to. I want what I can't have and if they want me then that makes them in control and I just can't deal with that.

4 comments:

The Cookie Lady said...

You worry to much. Just live life and be happy. And what is the thing with all these men, Mr. Mustang, the Test Pilot, Mr. Drama Battalion, Mr. Florida, Mr. Italy and Asshole. Know wonder you sound like a control freak, any woman would be who is sleeping with, trying to sleep with, or has slept with this many men in a short period of time. After reading this I am wondering to myself what exactly is the Cake Lady wanting out of life? Is it a man to settle down with or just a bunch of fuck buddies. None of them sound like somebody that you would want to change you life for, so why make all the drama. Enjoy life! Have some cake today!!!

Cake Lady said...

I do worrry to much. And I don't know what I want, If I did I would go after it. You really shouldn't judge until you have walked in my shoes.

Sugardaddy said...

And then there are those of us who are just glad to call you a friend....

Trick said...

Thats a lot of cake layers you have working there....