Thursday, May 31, 2007

Life's Lessons

Today Queenie got me upset to the point that I wanted to start banging my head against the wall because the pain in my head would surely feel better than the pain a 16 year old can cause her mother. I doubt there are any 16 year olds out there reading my blog but if you are then pay attention to this one. You know very little about life or I hope you don't and that is a blessing. A 16 year old is still young. You should take your time and enjoy your youth. Life's lessons will be there for you down the road. You will probably not recognize them right now but one day you will think back and say "now I understand what my mother was saying".

The most important lesson is that you can not possibly judge someone until you walk in their shoes. I know it's an old cliché but it is true. My Mother had an affair and divorced my Father for a horrible man. I resented my mother for many years. I loved her but didn't like her. I thanked God every night that she didn't marry this man whom she had the affair with. I resented her for many things and 1 of them was for having the affair. It never occurred to me that she was not happy with my Father. I didn't have an affair but I am certain that I would have had one if I didn't divorce Queenie's father. It was when I divorced 5 years ago that I was able to understand and forgive my mother.

I hope that one of the lessons that I teach Queenie is that she always has a choice. I choose not to be miserable. Today during our heated discussion she made a remark about Love lasting forever and I told her that was not true, that sometimes it doesn't last. She pointed out that her fathers parents marriage had lasted for over 60 years and I asked her if that was the kind of relationship that she wanted to have forever. That struck a nerve in her and then her claws came out. She knew I had a point. We both expect that one day the phone will ring and it will be the coroner telling us that her grand parents have killed each other. Who wants to have that kind of a relationship for the sake of saying "it lasted"? I told her that I made the choice to be happy and I had no regrets. Of course that didn't set well with Queenie. I told her that at 16 she can not possibly understand what it's like to make choices in ending a marriage.

Queenie said I have not taught her any life lessons. If I teach her anything, I hope I teach her that she has choices in everything. Not to say if something is not going her way just to jump ship and run. I mean that if something is going bad, I hope she steps back and takes an objective look at the situation and asks herself. Can this be fixed? If so, fix it. If it can't be fixed then I hope she moves on.

I hope she can see that money is not the answer to everything. Sure, it helps but it is not a fix all. Just because a parent doesn't have the money to send a child to college does not mean that they can't go. There are student loans, grants, scholarships and probably some things that I don't even know about. The point is, don't blame your parents for not being able to pay for it.

I hope Queenie will one day look back and see the accomplishments that I have done all on my own, no physical or financial help from anyone. How many woman can repair toilets, fix lawn mowers, mend clothes, pay a Mortgage, Utilities, Car Payment, Groceries and still find money to give her kids for movies and dinner? I am proud of what I have accomplished.

Don't blame others for what is missing in your life. If you want it, it's up to you to get it.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to make the best of what you have.

1 comment:

Sugardaddy said...

You have set the example. She will learn. Of course she is going to drive you crazy for abour 5 more years.