Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Demons are Back

I hate long weekends because I almost always spend them alone. All and all it wasn't too terribly bad this weekend except for the panic attack Sunday night. It's been a while and I guess I was due one. I wish that I knew what brings them on but I don't. GI Joe and Queenie went back to their Dads house Sunday night around 6pm just like they always do. I was fine for a while. I was laying on the couch watching TV and got sleepy, so I shut my eyes to sleep. My couch is so cushioned that I was uncomfortable. I laid there as long as I could until I was miserable. Miserable because I knew that if I just went and got in the bed that physically I would be more comfortable and miserable because I also knew that when I got into bed that the demon would be there to torment me. Luckily I have quit flying in the night. That really scared me when I would wake up and see myself flying in the air.

Just the mere thought of laying in my bed alone brought panic. It's not like I even hear things that are not there. I don't hear anything. I just get the feeling that someone is watching me. Then I start imagining things. I finally fell asleep sometime after 3:30am.

Monday was better. I bought myself a new power tool and not the kind that we ladies call "BOB". I bought a palm sander to use on my ceilings to smooth the sheet rock mud that I have applied. It's pathetic that a palm sander can bring me so much joy. That statement right there should tell you just how lonely that I am. Later I went to dinner with Jewels and her family and all I can say is that I love that bunch. Jewels has always said that God has a special place for me in Heaven but I believe he has a special place for all of us. I wonder if there is a loony bin in Heaven for us special people?

I have a post it note tacked on my office wall that has some things that I would like to do in my life. Someone came into my office one day, saw the note and added a line that said "Talk to Someone Tonight". I am a bit too guarded and I'm trying to break out. They say don't judge a book by it's cover and I really try not too. Friday night the kids both had plans so there I was at home by myself. Later Aunt J called and asked me to join her for a drink and so I did. She and I and a bunch of her other friends were listening to a band and a really tall good looking guy started talking to me. My first instinct was to blow him off because he was not what I typically liked in a man but decided to talk to him. As it turns out, I really liked him and he was TALL!! (I'm 5'8"). Aunt J and the rest of the gang decided to go a few blocks to another little bar, so I asked the new guy "Mr. Rude (a play on his real name)" if he wanted to join us and he said yes. I told him that I would see him there and he said why not just ride with him on his new Harley. Now, I am not a motor riding chick by any stretch of the imagination. That falls under the unsafe/I'm not in control category, but Mr. Rude had made me feel so good that I thought "what the hell, might as well". I know, I know getting on the back of a Harley or in a car with someone that I don't know is not a good idea but people do it all the time, so I decided to just go with it.

We both needed to pee before we left so we parted at the bathroom door and I said I'll meet you outside. I came out of the bathroom and I waited and waited, but no sign of Mr. Rude. I went outside where his Harley was (he had already showed it to me) and it was gone. I was so let down. I couldn't believe he left. Worse yet, I couldn't believe that I misjudged him to be a decent man. So there I am by myself with no car, I got a taxi and met Aunt J and the rest of the gang. They were as shocked as me that he left me. They had spoke to him too and Aunt J had given the OK. Oh well, maybe it was best that he left me. After all, I didn't need to be going someplace with a man that I had only known for 2 hours. I'm just going to look at this a one less horny toad to be kissed!


Jay said...

It's true, we don't always understand why things happen like they do, but you were probably much better off!

Anonymous said...

I think his not showing up was probably the best thing that could have happened. Better he left then than in the morning.

Cake Lady said...

Sugardaddy - I've never had a one night stand. It was never my intention to go home with him. It was only my intention to ride with him on his Harley to meet my other friends and I liked him enough that I would have given him my number.

Anonymous said...

Who cares about the guy, like you said you only knew him 2 hours. So what. My thought is your panic attack and flying in the night. It sounds similiar to something that happened to me a couple of times and it was a reaction to a medication I was taking. Cakelady, could you be taking something for allergies that could be reacting with something else you are taking to make this happen? Just a thought for you! That is what happened to me and I remember it being very scarry. Good Luck!

Cake Lady said...

I wasn't taking any medication at the time I was seeing myself fly through the air. I was severely sleep deprived. As soon as I got some medication for my panic attacks the flying cake lady went away. I still have the panic attacks every now and then but nothing like they were.