Saturday, March 03, 2007

Word Vomit

I am so overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. It all comes down to relationships. I suck at them. I give too much and receive to little. And Jewels if you are reading this, don't worry about me. I'm OK. I haven't blogged in a while because I have tried to bury myself or my feelings in other things. I'm going to start rambling now, in hopes that word vomit will come out and I'll start feeling better. I am so much happier when I am in a relationship, problem is that it seems that when I'm in a relationship it's just me in it. The men that I get involved with don't ever promise me anything, I just hope for it. I wish I could be mad at these men but I'm not. I'm very picky about the men I let in my life so these are good men. They are honest and caring. They just don't care about me as much as I care about them. I am terrified that I will be a cat lady. You know the type that doesn't have a relationship and instead has 9 cats to keep her company. I don't know why it is that I crave companionship so much. Why can't I just say fuck it. It's just not me and I don't like that. Maybe I should just let the tears out. I am afraid that If I do let them out that they will not stop. For now I will keep praying that God gives my guidance in what to do to overcome these feelings that are causing me so much pain and just move on and be happy with just me and the piglets and the cat.
Love to me - The Cake Lady


Trick said...

As soon as you sit back and stop worrying about it and trying so hard, good things will happen. I know, easier said then done but its true....

Make men come to YOU!

Anonymous said...

First of all if you think the men you are going out with give a shit then you are wrong. They are only out for one thing. Maybe you should really look hard at who you go out with before you think you are in a relationship. One night stands are not relationships! Make sure that that you get to know them before you will commit. I am a therapist and i know. If you would like to schedule a session I will be back in touch. Have a great evening move on and be happy!