Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I am fairly sure that I am losing my mind

I am fairly sure that I am losing my mind and the sad thing is, I don't want to find it. Here is a list of things that I know for certain.

  • My head has been hurting for 3 days
  • When I fill out any sort of paperwork and they ask those stupid questions such as married, single, divorced, etc...I draw a line and write "Looking", I also answer "Yes" when they ask your sex type. Next time I think when I see that line that says Sex____, I'm going to write, yes and I prefer to be on top.

  • When I see turtles, I am overwhelmed with joy and calmness. There is a commercial on TV now that has 2 turtles in a lawn chair. I don't know what it is but somehow I can connect with turtles.

  • I like gargoyles. I somehow can identify with them too. Everyone thinks they look so evil, not me. I think they are just misunderstood and need love too.

  • I can not concentrate
  • BOB does not count as true sex.

  • I tried to cook a roast in the oven and, well uhmmm, has anyone ever seen a fried pot roast? Very tender and very dry. Did I mention that I can't cook?

  • I am pretty sure that I almost have an orgasm when I eat steak. This is truly sad! I know it must be happening because while I'm chewing, I'm also making moaning sounds. What else could this be?

  • My couch now makes a horrible creaking noise when you sit down or get up, like the springs are broken, and I have not had sex on my couch. Who has been having sex on my couch?????
  • Friday, January 19, 2007

    The Cake Lady is About to Come Unglued!

    Funny thing, I'm on my way to work this morning listing to one of my favorite strong women music (Alanis Morrisette), I just can't get enough of that jagged little pill. I'm smiling, the sun is out and I'm getting some on Sunday. As all of this was going through my mind I started thinking that every time I think things are just peachy, something happens.

    Shortly after I get to work, one of my customers is trying to cancel a very large order. They can't cancel it but working in sales you have make them understand how taking all this extra inventory is actually a good thing (stress factor 1). About an hour later I get a phone call from GI Joe's principal and the conversation went something like this. Hi the good news is that GI Joe is OK, the bad news is that you will have to come get him from school because he is being suspended for 3 days. GI Joe is a good kid but he was involved in a fight and we have a no tolerance rule and he will be allowed to make up his work (stress factor 2) Then GI Joe gets on the phone and is crying (stress factor 3). Instead of Lunch today I had to get my teeth cleaned, I get so uptight at the dentist. I didn't have any cavities though (stress factor 4). And of course, I have got myself so worked up about Sunday. I have the worse case of the perpetual "What ifs" (stress factor 5). My shoulders are so tense that I am in physical pain (stress factor 6).

    I need some cake and a shoulder rub.

    Monday, January 15, 2007

    No Winners In The Cake Lady Lottery

    Well folks, there were no winners in the Cake Lady lottery. Trick did find one very nice gentleman who was more than willing to accompany me to the play and buy me dinner. That was the problem, everything started out OK but by the end of the night I was miserable thinking about having to spend another night with him. As nice as he was, he was insecure. He kept trying to get me drunk and going way overboard with the compliments. I talked to Trick and she agreed that it would probably not come as a surprise to him that I was going to revoke my request for him to accompany me to the play and dinner Saturday night.

    Friday night Trick, Margarita, Sister and fiance went out again looking for me a man, although we didn't find me one. We did have a blast. I was even able to dance and my leg and hip didn't kill me the next day. And the best part was that this guy who I met a few weeks back joined us. Yes, I have another crush on someone. This time I'm going to be cool as a cucumber about him. He already has at least 1 strike against him that I know of. He has no children. You know me, I'm reading the last chapter of the book before I decide if I want to buy the book and read the entire thing. I'm trusting that Trick will keep me in line.

    Today is so gloomy. It has rained all day long. It would be OK today if I could be at home in bed snuggling with someone.

    Wednesday, January 10, 2007

    The Cake Lady Lottery

    OK, so last night I had a melt down and cried for hours. I tried my best not to but the more I tried the harder the tears fell. I am thankful that my piglets were not there to witness this pathetic sight. I finally realized that the emptiness that I feel is for a companion. I have been divorced for 5 years. Tricks brother "Best 30 seconds of my life" filled it for a time but even then I never gave myself completely because I knew it would not last because of the 650 miles that separated us. Then there is Mr. Florida, I have given myself completely but he hasn't reciprocated. I thought I was OK with that till Mr. Shark came along. He just turned my world upside down. It wasn't for a long period of time but what he did give me in the short time that we were together made me realize that I truly do want a companion.

    Last night I read a blog from Assensphincta and it just touched my heart. This woman is so strong and brave. She knows what she wants and it doesn't matter to her that her wants go against what society has told us is right. She talked about how she never wanted to get married but did and how it took her so long to figure out that marriage doesn't make you love anyone more and that sometimes you lose yourself just trying to please your spouse. She finally found herself and has made it clear that she doesn't want to lose herself again. Assensphincta I admire your courage.

    This whole sob story has come about because I just want to be treated like Cinderella for a night (actually the rest of my life) but a night will do for a start. I want to have a companion for Saturday night when I go to "The Producers". Trick and I are going shopping for a man tonight. We have decided to try some new places. I think the best thing to do would be to sell lottery tickets. My reasoning is that when Ross Perot ran for president he wrote a book to explain his views and he didn't give it away, he sold it. He was asked why he was selling his book instead of giving it away and he said it was because he wanted the public to read it. If you give something away no one pays attention to it, but when you put a value on it then people will take notice. I think I am valuable and want someone to take notice. I'll let you know what happens.

    Oh - and on a good note, today while I was Physical Therapy one of the employees was celebrating her Birthday and there was cake. I was offered a piece and of course I said YES! Never pass up the opportunity for a piece of Celebration Cake, and never pass up the opportunity to pee!

    Tuesday, January 09, 2007

    What is wrong with me???

    What is wrong with me? Am I ugly, am I mean, am I boring, am I stupid? I ask myself these quetions because if I am any of these things then it would explain why I'm feeling so low. I have lived in Huntsville all my life and I have but a few friends. Granted, until about 10 years ago I was so painfully shy. Maybe that is why I don't have hundreds of friends. I'm not knocking the friends that I do have because if you are one of the chosen few then you are just that "one of the chosen few" and your frienship is treasured. Why can't I just let anyone in my life? I am friendly to everyone, but only a few knew me inside and out.

    I have tickets to the broadway play the producers for Saturday night. They are GREAT tickets, 2nd row, dead center. I would like nothing more than to be romanced. I have some silly fantacy about dinner, conversation and laughs and then going to the play for more laughs. I just don't see that happening. I have asked nearly every friend that I have to find me a date for Saturday night. I guess I feel like that kid who is chosen last when teams are being picked? Do you know what that feels like? I do, and I suppose that is why when it comes to sports that I don't know much about, I will always root for the underdog. Tomorrow night Trick and I are going out to our favorite watering hole to shop for me a date. How sad is that? Sure I could ask a number of my friends to go with me but the truth is, I want to feel like the 1st kid who is chosen to play ball. Wish me luck. If I don't get chosen for Saturday night, my next blog may be drowning with tears :-(

    Wednesday, January 03, 2007

    2007 is finally here!

    A review of 2006. In January of 2006 I had my right hip replaced. During this ordeal I found out when Queenie passed out in my hospital room that she has a heart condition. After numerous test, we found out that she will outgrow this condition that is brought on by stress and low blood pressure. I guess seeing Mama laid up with tubes all in her and me with no make-up was just more than she could take. I spent most of February recuperating from the surgery. March brought me to Daytona for bike week. What a blast and what I diverse group of people. I also took the kids to the Georgia Aquarium and we all had a blast. In April Spring the season that wakes me up! May or should I say May Day! May Day!, this is when I started having some pretty severe anxiety attacks and had to resort to medication. Which in turn made me gain 20 pounds. In June I took GI Joe to an air show in Tullahoma TN and got so hot that I think I had a heat stroke. This would also be the month that I nearly had a knock down drag out with My Ex's new girl friend. What can I say, she is a freak and was telling everyone that my children were her children. I called her on it and all I can say is it got ugly. In July I was able to spend some time with a friend who I met about 2 years ago just before he went to Iraq and we have stayed in touch ever since. August I started blogging and found that pouring my heart out on paper helped me to see things in a different light. September, what can I say? GI Joe started middle school and two weeks into the school year we have concerns about him passing 6th grade. My dreams became more bizarre and my lack of sleep nearly sent me over the edge. I started craving cigarettes badly and I have not had a cigarette since Dec 6th, 1985. October may have been the best month of 2006 for me. Me and the piglets and my sister and her piglets went to Panama City Beach Florida with my Dad and his wife and wife's daughter and family. This was a trip that I had dreaded for 10 months because as much as I love my father, we have nothing in common. As it turned out, I enjoyed my time with him and all the family tremendously. We do have fishing in common. Every night we went to the pier and fished. We fished for what ever would jump on our hooks and Daddy fished for Shark. GI Joe had the best luck, he decided to crab. He had so many crabs that we had to give them away. Next time we will be more prepared so that we can keep the crabs and cook them. In November many lives were turned upside down when a friend was involved in a horrific car accident, she later passed away and left us all to ponder why and how this could have happened. December was a full month. I took Queenie to New York City to celebrate her 16th birthday. The trip got off to a rough start with flights cancelled, luggage lost and the hotel that I booked on-line surely must be described as a slum, but we chose to make the best of it. We had a blast!!!!. Then at the end of the year I ended up just where I started at the beginning of the year. I had my right hip replaced. If I get anymore hardware in my body, I think I could qualify as the Bionic woman.

    2006 is over and I'm glad. It was not the best year for me. It wasn't the worst year either. I have high hopes for 2007. I no longer make resolutions, I do however make lists. I'm going to share this list with you in hopes that you will occasionally ask me how the list is going.

    1. Paint my living room, bedroom, hall and both bathrooms
    2. Lose 20 pounds at a rate of about 2 pounds per week.
    3. Return to my power walking after my hip is completely healed.

    That is a start. I don't want to over whelm myself so I'll tackle this list before I make another one.

    Welcome 2007!