Saturday, December 29, 2007

Dreams or Real Life?

I am having those dreams again. The kinds of dreams that can’t be distinguished between real life and sleep dreams. When I awoke this morning my chest was pounding, my heart was racing and I couldn’t catch my breath. I laid in bed for a long time trying to rationalize what was happening to me. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. I laid in bed for 2 hours reliving and thinking about my thoughts or dreams or was it real? It took me about 2 hours to finally realize that it was just a dream. I think to most people what I had dreamed would not be a big deal because what was causing me such stress is heard all the time. I dreamed I took the Lords name in vain. I have only done this a few times and when I say a few times I can count them on 1 hand. Last night I went to sleep angry with one of my sisters. I awoke reliving a dream. The shame that I felt was unbearable and I truly believe that it is why I was having all the physical reactions. I don’t claim to be a Christian 100 percent of the time but believe it or not, I do try. I know God forgives but I can’t seem to forgive myself, not even for a dream. In my dream I was very angry with one of my sisters and not only did I take the Lords name in vain but I wrestled her to the ground and was trying to physically hurt her. Most of the day my body felt strange and emotionally drained from this dream. I have always heard that when you dream you are falling that you will wake up before you hit the ground or you will die. Does that apply to morals in a dream too?

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Only 5 More Days

If my math is correct there is only 5 days left till Christmas. Someone should probably check me on the math because I have been know just recently to make a mistake in the math department. So many of you have sent me personal notes asking where I am. I'm still around, I just haven't felt the Holiday spirit. Although last weekend I did feel some sort of spirit. Aunt J, Play boy and myself went to our favorite watering hole for some Holiday Cheer. I looked up at the bar and there sat Mr. Drama looking all sophisticated, chatting it up with the Chicken Lady. What I saw him do caused me to have flashbacks from the eighties. It was weird seeing someone smoke hash at the bar. Just Kidding folks, no one was smoking hash but what I saw did cause me to think about something I have not thought of in years. Yes, the Cake Lady in her younger years partook in the evils of illegal drugs. Mr. Drama was smoking his stogies and drinking something from a Brandy snifter. Then I watched him blow the smoke from his stogie into the glass and handed it to the Chicken Lady and she breathed it in. Wow - did that take me back. Very weird indeed. I asked what they were doing and apparently this ritual is quite normal to the stogie smoking world. I think it even had a name but if it does, I don't remember the name. He asked if I wanted to breath this stuff and I declined. I asked what he was drinking and I tried a sip. Mr. Drama turned me on to a Ski Lodge (I think). It was really warm and yummy good. Then someone mentioned a Quaalude. Again I thought I was back in the eighties but it turns out there is a drink called a Quaalude and yes, I had to try that too. I'm glad that I gave all that stuff up.

I want to wish everyone of you a very Merry Christmas. May you be blessed with whatever it is that you need to keep your sanity intact. I suggest a Ski Lodge and a Quaalude.

May God Bless you all!
The Cake Lady

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Queenie Has a Heart

It's been a long time since I talked about Queenie. Primarily because when I speak to/of her lately my blood boils. Any of you out there with a 16 year old daughter know what I am talking about. Well, Queenie surprised me the other day. It turns out that Queenie has a heart after all. The sister of one of her friends was diagnosed with Fanconi Anemia a form of Leukemia.

Queenie wanted to be tested to become a bone marrow donor. I told her that I would look into it and I did. If you have been looking for me lately you know that I haven't been around. I have been beyond busy. I finally did get around to looking into what was involved in being tested and if a match, what the procedure is for donating marrow. It took me about 2 weeks to get around to doing this and during that time her friend and the rest of his family got tested to see if they were a match to donate their bone marrow. When they got the results back they were devastated to find that not only their daughter has Fanconi Anemia but her brother does too (Queenie's friend). It turns out that Queenie is not old enough to be tested. You have to be 18. Even though she can't do this, it makes me very proud of her for wanting to help.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Wake me When it's Over

Wake me when it's over. I wish that I could say that I love this time of year. I could say it but it wouldn't be true. This whole season just depresses me. The turning leaves, the cold dreary weather, the freaking Christmas Carol's that started before Halloween, the short days, trying to find the perfect gift for someone. It makes me depressed just to write this. So, I will borrow an idea from Chuck and tell you what I am thankful for.

I am Thankful for....
  • The care package that my Mother brought me last week. It's a little zipper bag and contains the basics medical supplies.

  • I am thankful for the tanning bed.

  • I am thankful for my turtle that I accidentally smuggled back from NYC

  • I am thankful for the many shades of lipstick that are available.

  • I am thankful for the opportunity to share these thoughts with you. I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving. Oh and happy HNT!!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


Hey everyone! I feel so blessed to have such great bloggie buddies. I am alive and kicking. Our office has been moving and if it could go wrong it has gone wrong. And guess who they turn to for help? If you guessed yours truly then you win the prize. I have also been working around my house when I get home. Over all, I guess things are good. I celebrated Tricks Birthday with Kelwhy and both me and Trick were on our very best behavior. I don't care what Kelwhy says or what the pictures say. We were good (kinda sorta). Hockey season has started and now I have something to do on the weekends. I have lost a few more pounds. This weekend is the Margarita Ball here in Huntsvegas, AL and the cake lady gets to dress up in a pretty gown. I might even have my hair put up for the occasion.

Take Care!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Birthing Babies Cake Lady Style

I was visiting that Slick Sumbitch today and he caused me to remember the time that I gave birth to a Kidney stone and a baby boy all at the same time.

Some ladies can claim to giving birth to more than one baby at a time but just how many can tell about giving birth to a Kidney stone and a baby at the same time. I'm guessing I might just be the only one.

When I went into labor with G.I. Joe my back was hurting really bad. It felt like someone stuck a knife in my back. I kept telling the nurses and the doctors that something more serious was happening to me than just labor pains. They all said it was just back labor and when I received my epidural that it would be better. I argued that I had a baby before and this was not back labor but they wouldn't hear of it. I finally did receive my epidural and the pain did stop. Not long after that I started pushing and out came G.I. Joe (complete with survival gear and black hair and side burns that looked like they belonged to Elvis).

They cleaned us both up, put a diaper on G.I. Joe and a Maxi Pad on me and sent me to my room. A few hours later the nurse came in my room and reminded me to get up and move around so I went to the bathroom. I pulled down the Maxi Pad and set down on the toilet and noticed there was a dry roasted peanut just laying there in my Maxi Pad. I thought it was the strangest thing to find in my Maxi Pad and took it and laid it on the sink beside me and was going to ask the nurse about this strange finding when she came in again. Well, I was on some really good pain killers and then all my family and friends started to arrive. The pain wasn't there anymore and I just forgot about the dry roasted peanut that I found. Two days later I was discharged and all was right in the world (except for the postpartum depression thingy)

Six weeks went by and it was time for me to return to work. I had been at work for about 2 hours and my back started hurting again. I remembered this pain was exactly like that back labor that I experienced when I gave birth 6 weeks earlier. This time it was worse, I called my family Doctor and he said to come on in. It didn't take him long to determine that I was passing a Kidney Stone. He sent me to have some sort of dye injected into me and have X-rays while the dye was in there. They saw it and said I would probably be able to pass it on my own. They gave me a strainer thing that I had to pee in that would catch the kidney stone. Why this was important I don't know because they didn't want it back. But I did as I was told and the next day when I looked in the strainer there was something there that looked like a large piece of sand, or a tiny dry roasted peanut. Then it hit me and I remembered the thing that I found in my Maxi Pad when I gave birth. Then I realized that it wasn't a dry roasted peanut but a Kidney Stone. I had given birth to a Kidney Stone and a baby boy.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Did I scare you???

Have a safe Halloween. Remember to alway practice safe HEX!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Cake Ladies Rules for Parenting

It seems that every where I turn someone is talking about how to be a good parent. Yesterday I was reading a blog from one of my fellow blogger's The Torn Pages and she told us of parenting rule #75. I asked her to send me a copy of these rules because I must have misplaced mine. Until I receive the official instruction booklet from her, I will just have to use what I have learned over the past 16 years. I am listing my rules for any of you readers who need a little extra help or maybe like me didn't receive any rules or instructions when you received your little bundle joy. These are in no particular order (much like my mind). I will talk in great detail about these rules in later post's. This is simply the starter kit.

  1. Stay in hospital after birth as long as you can and let everyone take care of the baby. Never ever change a diaper while you are in the hospital.
  2. Listen carefully to the Pediatrician when they tell you what to feed the baby.
  3. Involve them in rock hunts. There are many clues out there in the world for them to find.
  4. Feed them last nights dinner and you should eat tonight's dinner. It really makes for good dinner conversation.
  5. Answer their questions honestly about blow jobs.
  6. Teach them to drive at an early age of 4.
  7. Teach them skills like pole dancing and cooking.
  8. Read all of their notes from their friends.
  9. Don't misplace their privates (genitals).
  10. Teach them to take pictures of you while you are showering. It's very important that you not know that they are taking these pictures.
  11. Don't lose them while you are on vacation.
  12. Teach them to pray.
  13. Read to them every night.
  14. Don't believe them when they tell you that their arm is broken (they will really stand out and shine if you do this).
  15. Don't believe them when they tell you they have rocks in their ears.
  16. Keep a staple remover on hand for removing staples from their head and arms.
  17. Get a cute 16 year old with a belly button piercing to teach them to swim.
  18. Hug them daily.
  19. Get to the bottom of why they refuse to brush their teeth even if it requires you to drag them by the hair down the hall to the bathroom.
  20. Watch scary movies with them. They like it when their mom try's to hide behind them or jump in their lap.
  21. Encourage them to go from table to table to sample food in restaurants. The other diners just love it.

I am sure there are more rules but for now, I will go with these. Good luck parents and parents to be!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Strange Happenings At The Cake Ladies House

Do you think it is possible for a couple of large ants to turn my DVD player on? I know it sounds very strange but it's the only explanation that I can think of. I returned from Sunny Florida Saturday. I sat down to check my e-mails. The TV was on but I was not watching it. Then my attention was drawn away from my e-mails because the TV got very loud and wasn't making any sense at all. Then I realized that the DVD player had turned itself on. I was the only one in the house and the DVD remote was on the other side of the coffee table. I turned it off and thought "this is strange". This happened again a couple of more times that afternoon. Later I fell asleep on the couch with the TV on and was awakened this morning around 1am because the DVD player had turned itself on. It scared the hell out of me. That time I unplugged it.

This morning while laboring in the bathroom mirror I noticed an extra large black ant crawling on the wall beside me. I know that most people wouldn't be too alarmed at 1 ant crawling on the wall but the strange thing about this ant was that it was super huge and it was black. In the spring time I get small brown sugar ants in the kitchen but I'm expecting them and set dinner out for them. They don't come back to eat again. This ant was black like charcoal. I took some tissue and smooshed it. Then I looked up and there was another one trying to push me out of the mirror. I grabbed another piece of tissue and was going to smoosh this one too but it went behind the mirror and I think it carried my eyeliner back there too because I can't find it. I realize I am making much to do about 2 ants but the thing is, I was raised in the country and have seen many kinds of animals and rodents. I believe these ants to be a new species, and they are large and strong enough to push a DVD power button and steal my toiletries. Tomorrow I fear when I go to put on my make-up and do my hair that I will have to do battle with the ant that hid behind the mirror. And even worse, what if the 2 ants fornicated in my bathroom??? How long does it take for an ant egg to hatch?

I used boric acid to kill the small pony sized cock roaches that were nesting in my pine bark outside, and it also killed my boxwood's. I suppose I could pour boric acid all over my bathroom floor but it would probably also kill the demonic bitch from hell (my cat). I can assure you if she died that I would be the only one to miss her. Well, not really I wouldn't but I'm the Cake Lady and couldn't hurt anything but cock roaches and ants. Most of my friends ask me as they leave my house if they can show her the backside of their car tires.

Wish me luck tomorrow morning!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I wanted to thank you for your comment "You Slut". At first it bothered me because you don’t know me. Then I gave it a bit more thought and maybe you are right. Maybe I am a slut. But you know what? It’s my choice.

Note: The original blog has been edited. Why? Because it's my choice :-) and my blog.

Thanks for the comments <3

Friday, September 28, 2007

Condom News!

While visiting my favorite watering hole the other day, a friend of mine was telling the story about how his father made him and his brother learn to put on a condom in the dark. His father gave them each a hammer and told them to put the metal part of the hammer between their legs and to put the condom on the handle part of the hammer while the lights were out. I thought this to be hysterically funny and never considered what a task it must be for a man. That's when I had the epiphany. Why don't the condom people make condom wrappers that glow in the dark? It should be industry standard. Now, don't go getting any idea's about contacting the condom makers because yours truly has already made contact. I had a couple of other ideas for them too. I will keep you posted about what they say.

In other condom news...The German engineers that brought us the BMW, the Audi and the Porsche will also bring us the first spray on condom. Yes, you heard me correctly. Spray on condoms. The spray on condom should be available in 2008. The way it works is that the man is to stick his penis into this canister and then it's sprayed all over with latex (much like a car wash), no more one size fits all. This will insure a snug fit with more sensitivity...or so they say. The cost will be about $27.00 and can be used about 20 times. I personally can't wait to see this in action. What a grand idea!!! The only problem that I foresee is how will it fit into their pockets or wallets? I hope those folks that designed the BMW, Audi and Porsche are redesigning these cars with some handy little compartment for the Spray On Condom canister.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I Love Being Blonde

I love being blonde. Do you realize just how much we can get away with? I have listed just a few things that we can do and no one would question.

We can watch our favorite SEC team go into overtime and AU scores and makes the score 23 – 20. We scream with delight and walk away from the TV because we think our team has won. We walk around all night with a big grin on our face until another AU friend asks “What are you so happy about”. We….OK I think you all know by now that it was me that did this. I reply because AU won in overtime. My friend looks at me with this truly puzzled look on his face and says “No they didn’t”. I say “Yes they did, I saw it”. Someone behind me taps me on the shoulder and says “NO – South Florida scored”. I almost cried. My friend realized that I was not playing and I really thought they won. He gave me a hug, oh well the hug was nice.

Last weekend I did not get to see the Auburn vs. Mississippi State game because I was busy all weekend studying for my 7th grade science test and GI Joe helped me. I called Queenie and asked her who won the game. She said 14 – 19 Auburn. I think if anyone heard this reply they would think Auburn won. So, I proceed to boost to a HUGE Auburn hater that they won. He of course tells me I’m nuts. I didn’t trust this guy, so I looked it up on line and sure as shit they lost. By the way Queenie is blonde too.

I have a bad habit of getting the days and weeks confused. I get a lot of things confused. I might be dyslexic. Let’s see.

We had a luncheon at work and I was supposed to bring sausage balls and I brought them but brought them a week early.

I went to a baby shower once, got there rang the bell. The mother to be came to the door in sweat pants and a paint stained t-shirt. She was carrying twins so I didn’t want to say anything to hurt her feelings. She stood at the door just looking at me. Finally I said “where is every one”? She said uhhhh Cake Lady the shower is not till next week.

I was paying bills once and wrote out a check to the phone company for the balance in my check book.

I brought cup cakes to GI Joe’s school for a Valentines Day party the day after the party. The kids just love me. The teacher was not so happy with me though.

When Queenie was just a wee baby her pediatrician told me that I could give her a little apple juice along with her formula. So I did. I mixed the apple juice and the milk together and fed her. She cried and cried and her stomach was so upset. This routine went on for about a month. Then while visiting my mother, she saw me mixing the formula and the apple juice together and asked what I was doing. I told her what the doctor said and Mom said NO honey – he meant to give her some apple juice and some formula but not together. I didn’t believe it so I called the Doctor and he said and I quote. “You have done anything that will kill her but don’t do it again”.

My favorite thing that I did would have to be the time that I went to a very important meeting and arrived late. I being late was not my fault but what I did when I got there was purely blonde. My primary customer called a meeting with all of their suppliers, sent invitations, had name tags made up, had the event catered for lunch and generally just made a big production of the event. I was supposed to go with my boss but at the last minute he was not able to go so he asked me to go alone. I asked him what this meeting was about and who would be there. He said it would just be the normal people that we see on a weekly basis. I was accustomed to visiting this customer and knew everyone well. I asked my boss why the big production if it were just those people and he said that they were just bringing in all the suppliers at one time. I asked him what time I needed to be there and he said just go around 10:00. I got there and was escorted upstairs and got my name tag. When I opened the door to where the meeting was already in progress, everyone turned to look at the later arriver. There must have been 500 people seated listening to the speaker. I tried to act like I knew what I was doing. I walked in scanned the 500 attendees, did not see a vacant seat so I chose the seat closest to me. All I wanted to do was escape the stares. There was a long table to the side of the 500 people and there were a couple of chairs that were open and it was very close to the door, so I sat down. I noticed that everyone continued to stare at me or at least they seemed to be staring at me. After a few minutes the speaker at the meeting, VP of the company finished his speech and started walking towards me. My heart started pounding harder and harder. Why was he walking towards me? He stopped when he got to me, shook my hand and introduced himself to me. He asked if I minded if he got another chair and sat beside me, I said sure of course. I’m thinking to myself, why does he want to sit beside me? During a break he introduced me to everyone at the table. That would be every top dog of the company. I had chosen to sit at the VP table and chose to take his seat. When I realized what I had done, I turned beat red and he laughed. I said I was sorry and would find another seat. He would not hear of it. What a nice man he turned out to be. Then it all clicked as to why everyone was staring at me. They were wondering who the newest big wig was. That was probably my favorite blonde moment.

My stupidest blonde moment would be this:
About a year ago I was invited to a surprise birthday party for Jewels. I was so tired of going to parties alone so I decided to take matters into my own hands and find someone to go with me. I remembered that I had a neighbor who was about my age and was single, so I mustered up the courage and asked him. He seemed delighted that I had asked, said all the right things and I just knew that I was going to have a really good time with him. I worried all week long about what would happen after he brought me home. Would he kiss me? If he did and there was chemistry would he ask me out another time? If it didn’t work, he’s my neighbor and well, that would be awkward. Did I mention that my middle name is worry? The night of the party the neighbor arrives at my house everything is going well till he asks me what time did I want to leave the party. I told him that I had not given it any thought and figured we would just hang out till we got tired of it and then he tells me that he likes to be home by 11:30. I said OK. I will not bore you with all the details but it just went south from that point. He brought me home on a Saturday night at 9:30 barely stopped the car long enough for me to get out. He didn’t even wait to see if I got in the house safely. I was just pissed; all week long I had worried for nothing. This night was supposed to be about me. No way was I going to sit at home by myself on a Saturday night. I called Aunt J and asked her if she was out and about. She said she was and to come join her. I called a taxi because I already knew that I was going to be doing some drinking. I get to the watering hole and meet Aunt J for cocktails and more cocktails. I am still upset that this evening was not about me. Damn it! It was supposed to be all about the Cake Lady! In walks an old friend who I met right after I got divorced. There has always been chemistry between us but we never acted on it because I was looking for something meaningful and he was not looking for that type of relationship. He sits down beside me, orders his drink orders me another one. We get our drinks we do a little cheer and take a drink. I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he had any condoms. He spit his drink out and said yes, he did. I said “Good”. I want you to take me home and fuck my lights out. Talk about the Dear in the headlights look, he had it. He asked if I was serious and I said yes. He asked for the tab, and said he would go get the car and for me to meet him outside in 10 minutes. I said OK. He left and some other people that I know came up and starting talking to me and I proceeded to laugh and have a good time. I forgot all about asking the man to take me home and FMLO. I went home by myself, woke up the next morning and about the second stretch I remembered what I had done. I could not believe I had done that. I didn’t have his number with me, it was at the office. Monday as soon as I got to work, I called him and when he answered I told him who it was calling him and he did a little laugh. I told him the truth, that I had just got side tracked and forgot about him. All he said is “That is so Cake Lady”. We both laughed and to this day we are still friends. We still have not slept together. I doubt he would say yes a second time. That would have to be my blondest moment.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Update From The Cake Lady

Hey everyone!
I have been really swamped at work and in my other life. Several people have e-mailed me to ask if I fell off the face of the earth, the answer is NO - I'm alive and kicking.

Those cock roaches the size of small horses that took up residence in my pine bark mulch are now DEAD! I got some boric acid. Note to anyone using boric acid, it will also kill your plants. My boxwood's are now dead too. I'm not too upset about this because I hate boxwood's and planned to replace them anyway.

For those of you who are concerned about me sending my DNA to someone, I don't think it's a problem because my DNA is all over his house.

Queenie has gotten into the habit of leaving our front door wide open when she leaves the house. I think my neighbor is quite entertained in the morning when I get out of the shower and walk down the hall to get my coffee. My hall faces his front door and it's a clear view. I'm pleasant in the morning but not at all awake. I walked naked about half way down the hall before I noticed that the front door was open. Last night I came home at 8:00pm and she left it open again when she went to work. I think I'll just hang a sign outside that says "Door's open, make yourself at home and do some cleaning while you're here".

GI Joe is failing every subject in school, including PE. How do you fail PE? He has me really worried.

Dear Mr. Drama - There was real Drama at my favorite watering hole last Wednesday. I was even wearing my combat clothes but someone else stepped in to do battle for me.

Guadalajara was as nasty as ever but I did try a new Tequila. Don Julio 1942. If anyone wants to buy me some it's only $190.00 a bottle.

I ran into Mr. Shark yesterday, we had a very pleasant 1 1/2 hour conversation. I forgot just how much he likes to talk.

Mr. Mustang....what can I say? We are still talking and going to lunch together and a kiss or two but that's about it.

The White scaring the hell out of me, he is talking about moving the Huntsvegas. I hope it's just talk. He has always been a long distance love. If he moved here it would be for me and I just don't know how I feel about that. I know it scares me.

Summer is coming to an end and it makes me sad. I love the summer.

I'm saving the best for last. I have lost another 5 pounds!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Blood on the Birthday Card

Is it wrong to send a bloody birthday card? It was not on purpose it just happened. I was in Wally World perusing the birthday cards. I found the perfect card, as I reached for the envelope the card slipped out of my hand. I tried to catch it and the whole side of it from top to bottom somehow managed to slide right down across my finger. It was just one of those freak accidents. My finger is bleeding like I had taken a razor to it. I pick up the card and the envelope, throw them in the buggy and stand there trying to catch the blood. Several employees walk past me and look at me as if this were a normal situation. I don't know about you but I have never seen anyone bleeding and obviously in distress, and just look at them walk past. I cupped my other hand under the one that's bleeding and went to the service desk to ask for a Band-Aid. Trying to hold my hand under the bleeding hand and push a buggy at the same time takes coordination (something that I am lacking in). When I get there, I politely ask the lady at the desk if I may have a Band-Aid. She looks at me as if I had asked her to do my shopping for me and pay for it too. I looked back at her daring her not to find me a Band-Aid. After a moment she realized that I was not going to leave so she reached behind the counter and took out a Band-Aid. Somehow I just knew that there would be a Band-Aid at the service desk. I'm so smart that way. Anyway, back to the bloody birthday card. I bought the perfect card and when I went to mail it, I noticed a strange brown line down the side of the card, at first I didn’t know what it was and thought it was a printing error and wondered how I didn’t notice this before. Then it dawned on me that this brown line could be my blood. I just loved the card and didn’t have time to go back for another one so I took a brown marker and ran it down both sides of the card and mailed it. Is that bad? Now my DNA is probably sitting on someone’s counter.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The 18 Hour Bra

The 18 Hour Bra - The idea of wearing a bra for 18 hours just scares the hell out of me. There are 24 hours in a day and when you take away 18 of those hours it leaves only 6 hours, or in another perspective, it means that a woman would have to wear a bra all the time except to sleep. All you women out there know just how ridiculous that is. The 1st thing we do when we get home is take that thing off and toss it somewhere. Seriously, what happens after 18 hours? Does all the support just go away like Cinderella's coach turns back into a pumpkin? And while I'm on my soap box, I am not going to be buying anymore bra's from Vickie's Secret Closet. The quality of these bra's has just totally gone down hill. Why pay $50.00 for something I don't even want to wear? I have been doing some bra shopping lately (can you tell?). I saw Jennifer Love Hewitt sporting a Hanes Bra on a commercial the other day, so I bought one and It is great for the 8 hours that it is needed. I paid less than $10.00 for this bra and it's pretty too. I also have found the vassarette bra to fit my needs as well. The one thing that I will continue to buy from Vickie's Secret Closet is her panties. I love them. And now that I have lost some weight and am most definitely going through a mid life crises. I have made the decision to never ever wear white or beige panties again. When I put on my white shorts, skirt or pants and Queenie says "Mom, I can see your pantie's" I just say "Thanks Baby". She is mortified but hey it's my mid life crises, not hers.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Meltdown, Guilt, Awakenings & Unconditional Love

The Meltdown - This morning I had a complete meltdown with GI Joe. He had been sick last week and went to the Doctor. The Doctor gave him some medicine and an excuse for school. This morning I wake GI Joe up, tell him to get a shower, take his medicine and make sure he has his excuse for school. He gets his shower, takes his medicine and some how loses his school excuse while walking from his bedroom to the family room. 7:40am, I am trying to remain calm about this and I am failing miserably. One of my biggest pet peeves is losing things. I ask him if he actually had the excuse in his hands this morning and he said yes. I can not believe this. How can it happen. 7:45am I tell him to get me a piece of paper that I will write a note. He goes to the kitchen drawer and pulls out a sticky note that is about 3"x3". That is when I really lost it. I start screaming at him at the top of my lungs to get me a piece of paper. I may have even said get me a Damn piece of paper, to which he replied "You can get it, it's closer to you". Now I am totally unglued. I scream back at him that it is his responsibility to get the excuse to school and not mine. GI Joe starts tearing up. He didn't cry but I could tell that I had really got to him.

The Guilt - Now I have upset GI Joe and he has a science test today. I should not have gotten so out of control over an excuse for school. Now I am filled with guilt about screaming at my child. He definitely deserved something but I doubt the amount of screaming that I did helped anything. Hopefully he will be able to forget about everything that happened this morning and concentrate on his test. If he fails this test regardless of the reason, I will undoubtedly feel guilty.

The Awakening - Mr. Italy has called me twice since I was last with him and I didn't want to see him. It seems that I have realized a warm body does not replace a warm body that truly cares about me.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I Am Thankful For...

It's been a beautiful day today. GI Joe asked to spend the night with me Saturday night. I know it sounds strange for my son to ask to spend the night with his mother but when there is divorce involved, that's just the way it is. He came over Saturday night and invited his friend over to spend the night with him. They played games on the play station till I made them go to bed at 11:30. As they played I listened to them laugh and try to talk big and bad and it gave me such pleasure. I am thankful that GI Joe has friends to play with. Today I cooked breakfast for them. As I cooked I heard them talking about how good the bacon smelled and I was thankful that I had food to feed them. Later today we went to pick up GI Joe's football uniform. We had to pick it up from his coaches house. GI Joe made the comment about how nice the houses were in his coaches neighborhood and I was thankful that he recognized the beauty in the homes. Our home is nice but I wouldn't qualify it as beautiful. His coach lives close to Huntsville's oldest cemetery. GI Joe suggested that we go visit some graves. Again this might sound weird to some folks but for me it is one of the most peaceful things to do. We walk around and admire the beautiful headstones, talk about the names and just walk in piece and for this I am thankful. We were able to find the grave of a friend who passed away late last year. I was in NYC and wasn't able to attend the funeral. I knew about where it was so we looked and found it. As I remember about how tragically she died, I am thankful that I am alive and walking with my son. I am reminded of just how short life can be, so I will continue to live it to the fullest and be thankful I am alive.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Deep Feeling's From The Cake Lady

My feelings today run the gamut. Actually it has been this whole last week or maybe two weeks.

I know that a lot of it has to do with Mr. Mustang. I met him for drinks last week and I had a good time. Then the next day he said something that almost seemed like he regretted calling me. This confused me. Then last night he called me again and we went to dinner together. He then admitted that he is very much in turmoil over his latest relationship. I listened to him and reminded him that he didn't have to make any decisions right now. He is as bad as me about beating himself up. Mr. Mustang is only my friend now. I want much more than his friendship, I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm not holding my breath waiting on it to happen but I can't help but remember just how comfortable I was when we were seeing each other and I find myself comparing everyone to him.

I had lunch with the Test Pilot yesterday and I did enjoy his company. I am pretty sure he will call me again and that scares me. I like him, I'm attracted to him but since my divorce 5 years ago I have made a new and different life for myself. It works for me and I am afraid to change it.

I met someone the other night. I will call him Mr. Drama Battalion. This one bothers me the most because I had a few drinks and I told him about this blog and guess what? He took the time to read it and I assume he will read this as well. You are attractive, intelligent and considerate. I couldn't figure out if you wanted to "date me" or just "date me for a night". Either way it scared me. As you can see, I have a lot of stuff running through my head. It mostly has to do with being in control. I promised myself that I would write honestly on here so I must continue to do so even though you are possibly reading this.

I have been seeing Mr. Florida on and off for 4 years. He treats me like a queen. We couldn't be any more different. I have no commitment to him but for some reason I feel guilty when I see other men. I tell him all the time that the reason it works for us is that we are on a perpetual honeymoon. I only see him about once a month so we don't know what it's like to deal with the day to day things that most people face.

It is very easy with Mr. Italy because I know he wants nothing more than sex with me. He doesn't want to have a relationship with me and I don't want one with him.

Then there is Asshole. After 5 years he is still trying to control me. He sent me an e-mail yesterday "instructing me to do something" I did very well though. After shaking violently because it made me so mad, I did nothing. I didn't respond to the e-mail and I sure as hell didn't do as he instructed me to do. I am making progress in this department.

In a nutshell this is what it boils down to. I want what I can't have and if they want me then that makes them in control and I just can't deal with that.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

If Chuck and Bo are Doing it then I am too!

First thing I need to say is Happy Half Neked Thursday (HNT). Thanks to Sugar Daddy I now know all about it (figuratively speaking). Stay tuned for a HNT picture later today. Oh and I do no how to spell naked, I just like to call it Neked :-)

Happy HNT! I see you!

This survey pretty much nails me.

There are many different types of tests on the Internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all. Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy.

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more religious than atheist, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are
Outgoing (100%),
Religious (93%),
Adventurous (75%),
Innovative (71%).

Old Geezer (83%)
Prep (77%)
Punk Rock (67%)

Sex (44%)
Substances (46%)
Travel (29%)

Your political views would best be described as Libertarian, whom you agree with around 68% of the time.

Your attitude toward life best associates you with Working Class.You make more than 85% of those who have taken this test,and 4% more than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.

By the way, your hotness rank is 62%, hotter than 55% of other test takers.

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Monday, August 20, 2007

What Has Been Going On?

I just realized that I have been blogging for a year now. I have so much going on in my life these days and yet so little at the same time. I think I will just reflect on the happenings of the last year.

  • GI Joe is now 12 years old and he still likes the colored shirts and he is also into the plaid shorts.

  • Queenie is now 16 and is driving, this has been a big help having another toy box on wheels to transport GI Joe and his entourage.

  • I am sleeping much better, no more flying in the air. It helps to listen to the doctor and do what he says to do and not try to fix things yourself. I do still have strange dreams. Saturday night I had been out celebrating my Sisters birthday and I had brought my camera with me. When I went to bed that night I dreamed that my sisters had taken my clothes off and taken pictures of me in my bra and panties. This dream was so vivid that when I awoke the next morning I ran to my purse to take out the camera to make sure this really didn’t happen. If I were thinking properly I would have remembered that the pictures that I saw of me in bra and panties were RED and I was wearing black that night.

  • The Love palace is getting a little easier to access. When I started blogging last year only 2 men had visited the Love Palace, today that number is 5.
    - The White Russian is a regular visitor who I just can’t kick out.
    - Mr. Michigan is in Michigan and remains a close friend
    - Mr. Shark was just a mistake and sometimes mistakes happen
    - Mr. Mustang – what can I say. I love him and would welcome that relationship back at any time and there are signs that it might be headed in that direction (more on that in another blog)
    - And the newest contestant would be Mr. Italy, what can I say about him? Ummm…Boy Toy!

  • Ex-husband is still an Asshole and growing bigger every day.

  • I took Queenie to NYC for here 16th birthday and brought home a Turtle. I didn’t realize it at the time but it seems that I smuggled the turtle back. I didn’t know you were not allowed to bring animals on the plane. I didn’t hide it, they just didn’t notice it.
  • GI Joe passed 6th grade and so far this year he is putting forth an effort that I have never seen in him before to keep up with his homework and make good grades.

  • To my knowledge no one has yet to invent a device to check for Strep Throat without sticking a stick down your throat.

  • The Trickster has settled down and the Cake Lady is taking her place.

  • I still get lost every where that I go. Someone please take up a collection and buy me a GPS. I met Mr. Mustang the other day out in Madison and got lost. As soon as his phone rang he said “where are you”. Sad, very sad that I could get lost going from Huntsville to Madison.

  • Norma Jean finally came to her senses and quit seeing her scum of an ex-husband. I believe he is officially out of the picture. However, she is still not in her right mind. Another subject to blog about at a later date.
  • I am still an avid blood donor and encourage all of you to give blood.

  • I have learned how to link pages to names, add pictures to my blog and can even cook a little now.
  • I still get the occasional “What If” attack but they are fewer and farther between the last ones. I am completely off of effexor. It was hard to do and it scared the hell out of me but I did it. I still have panic attacks from time to time but now I will do as the Doctor says and take some of my clonazepam as needed.

  • Two friends left this world in the past year.

  • I have met many more friends through myspace. I have met some really great people on there. Mr. Mustang is still my favorite. And I have met some really strange ones too. The strangest one would be the man who wants to pleasure my feet with his tongue. I am meeting a new friend tomorrow, I have a lunch date with him. He is a test pilot.

  • I had my other hip replaced in December and so far it is working like a charm. I am even able to power walk again. I am slowly getting back into the walking. As a matter of fact I will be doing some power walking tonight.

  • I had 3 things that I was going to try to accomplish over this year.
    1. Paint the living room, bedroom and Hall – none has been accomplished but I am working on painting the ceiling.
    2. Lose 20 lbs. I’ve lost 15 since January.
    3. Return to my power walking. I am getting there.

  • Mr. Mustang gave me the best birthday present a girl could ask for and he cooked for me too! No wonder I fell in love with this man.

  • I wonder is Anonymous is still reading my blogs?

  • My 3 favorite post's in the last year have been Proclivities, Memories and The Necklace.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Urban Word Definition of Home Run

1. Home Run

To accelerate through first base (french kissing), onto second base ("heavy petting") to third base (oral sex) and finally coming around to home plate (sexual intercourse).
Wow, hit a home run with the White Russian tonight, gimme a high five!

Yes Anonymous Comment (Trickster), the rumors are true. The White Russian has been in town and I have been scoring some Grand Slams. Barry Bond's doesn't have anything on me and the White Russian!

In other news:

This weekend I will be going solo to the company outing. Oh and just to confuse everyone. I can't take the White Russian also known as Mr. Florida because his company and our company are direct competitors and someone would lose their job.

I have decided to go with an electric weed whacker.

My mood is still a little down but it's getting better. I think when this weekend is over I will be back to my normal self.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Just The Facts!

  • I have been more than a little down lately.
  • I took the Lords name in vain today. I can count on 2 hands how many times I have done that. The last time was some time in my early twenties. I am 47 now. I was trying to make airline reservations. Pathetic!
  • I am in all likelihood going on my company meeting by myself and everyone else is bringing their husband/wife.
  • I am mad at my sister and worried about her too.
  • I had a good time in Destin.
  • I had a bad day shopping for groceries yesterday and Kroger noticed it. They gave me a $15.00 gift certificate. I told them it was not necessary but they insisted. Kudos to Kroger.
  • I missed a turn coming back from Destin but did manage to find my way back to Huntsville and still made good time. Kudos to me!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Weed Whacker!

In my previous post Land of Confusion I talked about being confused on what kind of weed eater to buy. Junebugg suggested that I go to Lowes or Home Depot and do some of that Flirting that we Southern Women are famous for. I might be able to get away with that at Home Depot but I pissed Lowe's off.

I bought a Troy built from Lowes because I thought it was a reputable brand. I think it probably still is a reputable brand HOWEVER I do not have enough upper body strength to pull the cord as quick as it must be pulled to start it. I had used the weed whacker twice before and always had to get a male neighbor to start it for me (Hence Flirting). Sunday the male neighbors were no where to be found or their wife's saw me coming and took them hostage. I got fed up with all this yanking and decided that my weed eater had a problem. When I walked into Lowes, low and behold there was another man with the same make and model weed eater returning it for the same reason as me. He could not get it to start. I was so relieved that I was not the only one with the weed whacker problem. Lowes gave us both refunds and we both purchased another weed whacker one of the same make and model. I got the weed whacker home, filled it with gas and tried to yank the cord. I tried and tried, even got GI Joe and his pal to try it. None of us had the strength to pull it as fast as it had to be pulled. By then my arm felt like I had jerked off about 30 men. I decided I was not going to keep something that I could not start. So back to Lowes I go. The lady at the customer service desk gave me a refund and apologized for my troubles. I told her that I would just buy the top of the line and that should surely take care of my problems. The weed whacker that I returned was $100.00, the one that I was going to buy was $269.00. I told her that I thought that I should get a discount for all my troubles. She agreed but said a manager would have to give the OK. A few minutes later this big burly man with arms the size of tree trunks comes up and says he would like to check this weed whacker out for himself. That really pissed me off but me being the polite woman that I am, said OK. We went outside and he proceeds to yank on that cord effortlessly. He yanked it about 10 times, it started then sputtered then went dead. He did some adjustments with the choke and pulled another 5 or 6 times and this time it fired right up. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry Ma'am but I can not authorize a refund when there is obviously nothing wrong with this equipment. I responded with, "May I have your phone number? I will call you every time I want to start it". He looks at me and says, please understand my position. There is nothing wrong with the weed eater, I am sorry that you are not able to start it. I can not authorize a refund. I smiled, looked at him and said "I understand your position perfectly, and I hope you understand my position. I have already received my refund and if I am going to have to pay full price for a weed eater it will be from someone else". His mouth dropped open, he was speechless. He had no idea that I already got the refund. I bid him a good day and prissed off. Yes - I prissed off!

Now, I will be doing some hands on research. I figure I will walk the neighborhood in search of men with weed eaters and ask them if I can yank on their equipment, take it for a test drive so to speak. After I find one that I can start by myself I will go purchase one of those.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Land of Confusion

These days I seem to live in a land of confusion. I am confused about the strangest things....

I am not a bike chick but I put a Ducati background on one of my profile's. Why? Because it is about as close as I can get to something that best describes me. I'll keep searching and will change it when and if I find something else that fits me.

It's OK to flirt. Isn't it?

I need to purchase a new weed eater and I feel very overwhelmed. Did you hear that? I am overwhelmed about a weed eater!

How does all that crap get under my sofa cushions?

Why do I get so stressed out when I find myself in situations that I can not control. Sure, I can leave the place that causes me the stress but it takes a long time for the panic feeling to leave me.

What the heck does "A stitch in time, saves nine" mean?

How is it that I receive so many wrong number phone calls and end up having conversations with these people? Last week a received a call from a guy looking for a woman with the same name as me. Can you believe that? I talked to him a few minutes thinking that I would figure out who it was that I was talking to. I finally asked him who he was. LOL - So there is a woman out there whose number is 1 digit away from mine and I have had a lengthy conversation with her friend. I wish he had asked me out!

The one thing that I can say for certain is that I love my new shoes that I bought last week.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Ugly Cars and Mashed Potatoes

I'd like to pride myself in seeing the good and beauty in everything. I just can't see it in some of the newer car models such as the Toyota Pirus. I mean what were they thinking? This reminds me of a dog with it's tail cut off.

When I saw this car I started thinking what else in this world do I find offensive. It was hard but I did come of with a few items that totally make me go iiiickk!!!
1. Hybrid cars
2. Mashed potatoes (I will eat them but they are ugly to look at)
3. Jelly Fish
4. Box woods. I have some in my landscaping and will be replacing them soon.
5. Goucho Pants
6. Unpolished toenails
7. Rust
8. Men who dip.
9. The scent of vanilla
10. My neighbors yard
I wouldn't feel right without also naming a few things that I find beautiful.
1. Weeping Willow Trees.
2. Mustang Cars (especially the 66 Coupe)
3. Turtles
4. The scent of Gardenia
5. Some tattoos. I don't have one and don't want one but some are truly a work of art and I admire that.
6. Slow dancing
7. Crosses and Crucifixes
8. The lake, the beach or a pond.
9. Diamonds
10. Music

What is ugly and what is beautiful to you?

Friday, July 06, 2007

The Necklace

A few post back Friday Funk I had been really down in the dumps. My spirits are now lifted and for a few reasons.
  1. I went out with an open mind and had a good time.

  2. A stranger took off his necklace and gave it to me.

  3. I had sex.

  4. I went to Trickster's parents house for the 4th of July and experienced the family thing.

  5. I dropped a dress size

On my Friday Funk post I mentioned that I had committed to going out with a girl who I had reservations about. I did go out with her and a big bunch of her friends last Saturday night. I had an OK time but only because I was still a little down. Princess called me Tuesday night and asked if I wanted to join her and her friend for a drink and I almost said no but decided to go instead. My hesitation was because again I was feeling really in the dumps. I was feeling more lonely than ever because my company announced that they were taking all of us and our spouses or significant other on a weekend trip, all expenses paid. I am the only one in our company without a spouse or significant other and it bothered me. So, when Princess invited me to go out. I said YES with the attitude that I was going to talk to every man that I met. Me and Princess made a joke of it and said I was taking applications for an escort. It was a great way to meet people and I have to admit that I had an awesome time. I laughed so much at myself and some of the potential applicants.

Later that night a young man came in and I noticed his necklace. His necklace brought back a memory that to some might be a bad one but to me it was a very good memory. The necklace this young man was wearing was exactly like a necklace that I stole when I was 14 years old. The only diffence in the two necklace's was that the one that I stole had a wooden disk and his was made of metal. I guess I must have gotten over excited about his necklace because he took it off and said I could have it. I put it on and thanked him. I tried to tell him why the necklace meant so much to me but it was crowded and he had some friends and I can't go from point A to point B without 1st visiting point C, D and E. It would have taken way to long. So, to the young man in the medical fatigues, this is for you. Thank You! The reason my memory of a stolen necklace was so good is not because I stole it and didn't get caught, it was because I stole it and DID get caught. It was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I was in JC Penney's with some friends who were on the wrong path. They were all doing it so I figured that I would too. I got caught and they didn't. The security guard called my Dad and told him that he would have to come get me. My Dad came down to the store and let me say, back then it was OK to spank a child and I nearly wet my pants because I feared the belt that I would get when I got home. Daddy surprised me. He was very calm and asked how much the necklace was. He paid the $2.99 and turned to me and told me to put it on. I did as I was told and then he said he better not catch me with that necklace off of my neck for 6 months. He said I had to shower in it, sleep in it, wear it all the time NO EXCEPTIONS! It was leather and wood so there was no way it was going to rust. It was such an unusual looking necklace back in 1974 that anyone who saw it on me, automatically said something about it, which reminded me of just how it was that I came to have it around my neck. I did wear that necklace for 6 months. After that I threw it away. When I saw the necklace on this guy, I remembered how after that day, I thought twice before doing things that I knew better about. It was one of the best life's lessons Daddy could have taught me.

I don't think I want to elaborate right now about the sex that I had later that night. I will just say that I didn't have sex with me, myself and I. And I didn't have sex with the young man who gave me the necklace but it was DAMN GOOD!

Wednesday Princess called me and asked me to join her and her friend by the pool and I did, this time without hesitation. Because after the necklace thing, I was reminded of the many things in life that I have learned and one of them was not to judge people. We laid out by the pool till Trickster called and asked where I was. So, I left the pool and went to my second family's house to party like a rock star and eat goat stew. Love that family!

Today I went shopping and had to buy a size smaller!

Today life is good!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Dear Doctor from the Hump

Dear Doctor or nurse or medical field specialist. I just wanted to let you know that if you are looking for my post about the necklace that you gave me, I have been swamped but will post a special blog just for you soon. Thanks so much, what you gave me was more than a necklace!

Friday, June 29, 2007

Friday Funk

Hello everyone. I wish I had something interesting to say but I don't. The Cake Lady is in a Funk. I have been in a funk all week and I just don't know why. I'm not upset about anything. My weight is still looking good. I can't even seem to get upset when I need to be upset. My neighbors back yard is out of control and ordinarily I would be on the phone calling the city but my demeanor right now is "who gives a shit"? Apparently they don't. This is nothing new about the neighbors not giving a shit about their yard. I have to call the city 3 or 4 times every summer. It's not just tall grass, it's turned into a jungle. I should take a picture and post it here.

I think that I feel a little lost and probably need a hobby. Remember several posts back I said that Mr. Mustang would definitely not be Mr Cake Lady but I would love him forever? Then later on I mentioned that I spent Sunday afternoon with Mr. Mustang? Well what I didn't mention was that Mr. Mustang has found another friend. It hurt a little but I sure don't want to be with someone who wants to be with someone else. I know a lot of you folks would say "piss on him" but I'm not that kind of person. I can't hate him because he wants to be with someone else instead of me. It was so very comfortable for me to be with him. I'm comfortable with Mr. Florida but he lives 650 miles away. Talking about this I realize what my funk is. I'm lonely. I guess it's time for my girl friends to start pimping me.

Saturday night I'm going out with some girls. Actually I only know one of them and I don't know her very well but she has always been really nice to me. We are just a little different in our thinking. She doesn't care what people think of her and I worry all the time about what people think of me. The last time that I met up with her, I had a backup plan and used it. I need to be a little more like her. She always asks me to go out with her and I usually can't and have a valid reason. This time I don't have a reason not to go. I wish I could get excited about Saturday night.

Friday, June 22, 2007

It Is Not A Love Song!

It's not a love song. Or is it? If I see a yellow rose and someone who is color blind sees the same rose. He doesn't see yellow. It's a yellow rose to me and a gray rose to him. Who is right and who is wrong?

Wish you were here by Pink Floyd. Is it a song about missing someone that you love? I always thought it was a very sad song about 2 lovers that could not be together and I still do. Mr. Florida however has a different view of the song. So what if he has heard every interview by Roger Waters. If I think it's a love song about missing someone then that is what it is to me. Per Wikipedia Wish You Were Here is universal: it is directed at anyone who is missing a special person from their life.

This is one of those post that I'm compelled to talk about (much like proclivities). I have heard this song about 10 times in the last 3 days and just recently a friend put this song on his profile. What do you think? Is it a sad love song about missing someone or does it refer to Syd Barrett and his fall from reality? Is it a yellow rose or a gray rose?

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? And did they get you to trade Your heros for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange A walk on part in the war For a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Borrowed Magic

This past weekend I had the the pleasure of crossing paths with 2 little girls. I didn't know either one of them. We just happen to be in the same place at the same time. While I was relaxing in the hot tub drinking my big gulp margarita a little girl came into the pool area. I'm guessing she was no more than 5 years old. She looked at me and smiled and I smiled back. She was dressed in a cute little bright pink bathing suit and had on some matching water wings. She got to the pool area before her mother did and waited by the edge of the pool turning around about every 10 seconds watching and waiting anxiously for her mother to hurry up and get there so she could get in the pool. Her Mom finally got there which didn't take any longer than a minute but I could see from this little girls perspective it must have been an eternity. When her Mom was seated at the pool side table the little girl gave her Mom that look that said "Can I"? Her Mom nodded the OK and the smile that came across that child's face was enough to make me want to get up and go hug the little girl to pieces because her smile spread right into my soul. She stood there for a second to make sure that everyone was watching before she jumped in the pool. Her squeal of delight made me think back to my own children when they were that age. I also thought about Egan and how if he could have experienced this scene that he too would be just like that little girl and could barely contain himself with excitement of just what his baby Anna will bring to him. You don't have to have children to understand and recognize what simple things can make children happy. This little scene made me so happy that I almost cried. Thank you little girl in the pink bathing suit with matching water wings.

The next day during our trip to Tybee Lighthouse we stood in line behind a family of 5. Mom, Dad, 2 boys about 9 and 12 and another cute little girl about 5. The 1st thing that I observed about this family is how well behaved the children were. The little girl was very anxious to go up to the top of the light house and kept easing inside the door. Her mother would remind her to come back and only once did her mother have to do the 1-2-3 count but little Maddie (I think that was her name) was back before her mother got to 3. Their time finally came and off they went. Me and Mr. Florida were not far behind. Or I should say Mr. Florida was not far behind, as stated in yesterdays post he was taking the steps 2 at a time while I huffed and puffed all the way up. When I finally got to the top there stood Maddie and her mother. Maddie was crying crocodile tears because after she got up there and saw how high she was, she got scared. It just broke my heart and I felt compelled to do something to help Maddie so I looked down at her and asked if she would take my picture. You could just see the thought process going through her head and the tears stopped almost immediately. She said she wanted to and her mother just gave me this smile that said Thank You. I walked out the door to the outside of the lighthouse and Maddie followed to the edge of the door. I squatted down and hooked the camera around her wrist and showed her what button to push. Maddie was all smiles as she took our picture. I asked if she wanted to come outside and take our picture and without hesitation she said yes. So she took a few more pictures and I asked her to take a picture of the ocean and she gladly did. I thanked her and asked if I could have my picture taken with her and she said yes. This will probably be the only picture that I post of myself on here so take a good look at me and Maddie because most likely I will remove it soon.

This weekend I borrowed the magic that children bring and it filled my heart and soul. Egan, I can hardly wait to hear about the magic that your baby Anna brings you and your wife.
Footnote :-) I did remove the picture of me and Maddie and replaced it with this footnote. Ha Ha Ha. I just crack myself up.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Full Blown Attack

It's Sunday and everything is good, except for the one small detail. I am alone.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Life's Lessons

Today Queenie got me upset to the point that I wanted to start banging my head against the wall because the pain in my head would surely feel better than the pain a 16 year old can cause her mother. I doubt there are any 16 year olds out there reading my blog but if you are then pay attention to this one. You know very little about life or I hope you don't and that is a blessing. A 16 year old is still young. You should take your time and enjoy your youth. Life's lessons will be there for you down the road. You will probably not recognize them right now but one day you will think back and say "now I understand what my mother was saying".

The most important lesson is that you can not possibly judge someone until you walk in their shoes. I know it's an old cliché but it is true. My Mother had an affair and divorced my Father for a horrible man. I resented my mother for many years. I loved her but didn't like her. I thanked God every night that she didn't marry this man whom she had the affair with. I resented her for many things and 1 of them was for having the affair. It never occurred to me that she was not happy with my Father. I didn't have an affair but I am certain that I would have had one if I didn't divorce Queenie's father. It was when I divorced 5 years ago that I was able to understand and forgive my mother.

I hope that one of the lessons that I teach Queenie is that she always has a choice. I choose not to be miserable. Today during our heated discussion she made a remark about Love lasting forever and I told her that was not true, that sometimes it doesn't last. She pointed out that her fathers parents marriage had lasted for over 60 years and I asked her if that was the kind of relationship that she wanted to have forever. That struck a nerve in her and then her claws came out. She knew I had a point. We both expect that one day the phone will ring and it will be the coroner telling us that her grand parents have killed each other. Who wants to have that kind of a relationship for the sake of saying "it lasted"? I told her that I made the choice to be happy and I had no regrets. Of course that didn't set well with Queenie. I told her that at 16 she can not possibly understand what it's like to make choices in ending a marriage.

Queenie said I have not taught her any life lessons. If I teach her anything, I hope I teach her that she has choices in everything. Not to say if something is not going her way just to jump ship and run. I mean that if something is going bad, I hope she steps back and takes an objective look at the situation and asks herself. Can this be fixed? If so, fix it. If it can't be fixed then I hope she moves on.

I hope she can see that money is not the answer to everything. Sure, it helps but it is not a fix all. Just because a parent doesn't have the money to send a child to college does not mean that they can't go. There are student loans, grants, scholarships and probably some things that I don't even know about. The point is, don't blame your parents for not being able to pay for it.

I hope Queenie will one day look back and see the accomplishments that I have done all on my own, no physical or financial help from anyone. How many woman can repair toilets, fix lawn mowers, mend clothes, pay a Mortgage, Utilities, Car Payment, Groceries and still find money to give her kids for movies and dinner? I am proud of what I have accomplished.

Don't blame others for what is missing in your life. If you want it, it's up to you to get it.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to make the best of what you have.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Demons are Back

I hate long weekends because I almost always spend them alone. All and all it wasn't too terribly bad this weekend except for the panic attack Sunday night. It's been a while and I guess I was due one. I wish that I knew what brings them on but I don't. GI Joe and Queenie went back to their Dads house Sunday night around 6pm just like they always do. I was fine for a while. I was laying on the couch watching TV and got sleepy, so I shut my eyes to sleep. My couch is so cushioned that I was uncomfortable. I laid there as long as I could until I was miserable. Miserable because I knew that if I just went and got in the bed that physically I would be more comfortable and miserable because I also knew that when I got into bed that the demon would be there to torment me. Luckily I have quit flying in the night. That really scared me when I would wake up and see myself flying in the air.

Just the mere thought of laying in my bed alone brought panic. It's not like I even hear things that are not there. I don't hear anything. I just get the feeling that someone is watching me. Then I start imagining things. I finally fell asleep sometime after 3:30am.

Monday was better. I bought myself a new power tool and not the kind that we ladies call "BOB". I bought a palm sander to use on my ceilings to smooth the sheet rock mud that I have applied. It's pathetic that a palm sander can bring me so much joy. That statement right there should tell you just how lonely that I am. Later I went to dinner with Jewels and her family and all I can say is that I love that bunch. Jewels has always said that God has a special place for me in Heaven but I believe he has a special place for all of us. I wonder if there is a loony bin in Heaven for us special people?

I have a post it note tacked on my office wall that has some things that I would like to do in my life. Someone came into my office one day, saw the note and added a line that said "Talk to Someone Tonight". I am a bit too guarded and I'm trying to break out. They say don't judge a book by it's cover and I really try not too. Friday night the kids both had plans so there I was at home by myself. Later Aunt J called and asked me to join her for a drink and so I did. She and I and a bunch of her other friends were listening to a band and a really tall good looking guy started talking to me. My first instinct was to blow him off because he was not what I typically liked in a man but decided to talk to him. As it turns out, I really liked him and he was TALL!! (I'm 5'8"). Aunt J and the rest of the gang decided to go a few blocks to another little bar, so I asked the new guy "Mr. Rude (a play on his real name)" if he wanted to join us and he said yes. I told him that I would see him there and he said why not just ride with him on his new Harley. Now, I am not a motor riding chick by any stretch of the imagination. That falls under the unsafe/I'm not in control category, but Mr. Rude had made me feel so good that I thought "what the hell, might as well". I know, I know getting on the back of a Harley or in a car with someone that I don't know is not a good idea but people do it all the time, so I decided to just go with it.

We both needed to pee before we left so we parted at the bathroom door and I said I'll meet you outside. I came out of the bathroom and I waited and waited, but no sign of Mr. Rude. I went outside where his Harley was (he had already showed it to me) and it was gone. I was so let down. I couldn't believe he left. Worse yet, I couldn't believe that I misjudged him to be a decent man. So there I am by myself with no car, I got a taxi and met Aunt J and the rest of the gang. They were as shocked as me that he left me. They had spoke to him too and Aunt J had given the OK. Oh well, maybe it was best that he left me. After all, I didn't need to be going someplace with a man that I had only known for 2 hours. I'm just going to look at this a one less horny toad to be kissed!

Monday, May 21, 2007


I didn't think I could trust myself anymore. For the longest I prided myself in being able to look deep into my soul and know what is best for me, even when the best sometimes hurts me. Maybe I just got tired of hurting and let things in that I have avoided for so long like love. There are so many kinds of love. There is the love for my children, there is love for a man, there is love for animals, there is love of flowers and there is love for thyself.

I watched a movie tonight that disturbed me on so many levels. The movie was Thirteen. It's been out for a few years, probably since Queenie was 13. She and her BFF always asked me to rent it for them but after looking at the description, I decided it was not something a Thirteen or Fourteen or Fifteen or Sixteen year old should see. Queenie is 16 now and opened her own account at Movie Gallery. Yesterday when I picked Queenie and GI Joe up from her Dad's house she said she had rented the movie Thirteen. She said she and BFF had watched it and admitted that she was glad that I didn't let her watch the movie when she had asked to. Parents, there is a reason for that Rated R. I am glad that Queenie admitted to me that the movie was far too advanced for her and BFF. I decided to watch it tonight to see what it was that I didn't want her to see. It was worse than I feared. It totally scared the hell out of me. So much went on in this movie about 2 Thirteen year old girls. I felt sick afterwards for the characters because I know that this really does happen.

I am fortunate that I have raised Queenie to think beyond the moment (except for what she did a few months ago). She and I are pretty good Chess players. In 6th grade her school hosted a Chess tournament for parent and child. She entered us and although we didn't win, we did very well. We came in second. Her 6th grade year book has a great picture in there of Queenie and me in deep thought about what our next move would be. I think that is pretty much how I live my life. What is my next move going to be? Should I go back to where I was several years ago? I don't think so. Should I get rid of my cat because she is evil? Probably so, but I adopted her and I just can't throw her back because she is evil. Should I throw out my plants because they have yellow leaves on them? I don't think so because I can pinch off the yellow leaves and see their beauty. Should I just go to sleep and never wake up to deal with all the hurt? I don't think so. I have a yellow rose bush that Queenie and GI Joe gave me last year for mothers day. If I went to sleep I wouldn't see the tiny bloom that is sprouting right now. If I went to sleep I wouldn't see my turtle Jinges growing and changing colors. If I went to sleep I wouldn't get to experience that natural high that I get when a man just looks at you when we are making love and the look tells you what the words don't. If I went to sleep I wouldn't be able to talk to and guide my children in a positive direction.

I have seen the ugly in many things, but somehow I seem to manage to turn the ugly into something beautiful. I guess I'm OK tonight.

Monday, May 14, 2007


I hope that all you Mothers had a great day yesterday! Yesterday was not the best Mothers Day that I have had, however it could have been worse. Last night as I sat on the couch I starting thinking about some of the things that I hope will be lasting memories for me. I'm going to write about a few of them, so later when my memory is completely gone I can tell my kids about this blog. Hopefully at that time they will be old and mature enough to handle some of the things that they will read on some of my other posts.

My mother, my Sister, me and Queenie used to go to Piccadilly Cafe for lunch every Saturday. After lunch Mama, Sis and and I would put on lipstick. Queenie would not stand for this. She had to put lipstick on too. She looked like a petite little woman and what skill she had at 2 years old. She put it on like a professional.

When GI Joe was about 4 we wondered about his sexual orientation. He loved for me to paint his toes and nails. He wore my high heels and was typically a Mama's boy. He used to come get in my lap and tell me he wanted to lay on my pillows (my breast). One afternoon he came walking into the living room with his painted toes and nails, wearing my heels and he stopped dead in his tracks, sort of like a deer caught in the headlights. The TV was on the Country Music Channel and Shania Twain was on a video singing "You Win My Love". He stopped, sat in the floor and said "She is beautiful". He didn't move for a long time. I thought he was in a trance. I never worried about his sexuality after that.

For Queenie's 3rd Birthday we bought her one of those battery powered Red Jeep's. She had so much fun driving that thing. Her Dad and I would walk to his parents house a few blocks away and Queenie would be right beside us driving. She never had a problem distinguishing her left from her right and obeyed all the driving rules. She is now 16 and is a good driver and I truly think that this Jeep at such an early age played a big part of her driving skills.

When GI Joe got about that age we passed the Jeep down to him. Let's just say that to this day during football his coach has to put a L and R on his hands because he still has trouble knowing left from right. He ran that thing into the house because he couldn't just his distance. If that is a sign of things to come then our insurance is going to be sky high!

When GI Joe was about 7 or 8 he received a Birthday card from Mama. It was a little sappy and when he sat down and read the card, tears just started rolling. I asked him what was wrong and he said the card just touched his heart. Yes, GI Joe is kind and soft hearted unlike his sister Queenie who seriously scares me in her ways of thinking. She is very book smart but sometimes her common sense is just plain stupid.

One Christmas Queenie received an Alabama law book from Mama. It belonged to my Great Great Grandfather. She was so proud of that book. She read it for hours. Oh, as soon as Queenie could talk I told her that she should be an Attorney because they got paid to argue. It stuck, she plans to be a lawyer.

When Queenie was 4 years old she was playing on the Jungle Jim in our back yard. She fell off of it and came crying to us and telling us that her arm was broken. We asked her if she could move it in different directions and she said she could but it hurt. Queenie is quite the drama queen. Her kindergarten teacher told her that she had more aches and pains than Granny Grunch. doing her 1st ballet with a broken arm. She stopped crying and continued to play all the while holding her arm. The next day I took her to day care and about 2 hours later I get a call from her teacher, and she tells me the Queenie is complaining that her arm is broken. I remember all to well sighing out loud and in frustration said "OK, I will take her to the Doctor". I took her to the Doctor and sure as shit it was broken. When we asked her to move it, we failed to have her move it in a certain direction. I felt so guilty but in my defense Queenie could have starred in that story book "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". Queenie had her 1st dance recital 3 days later. She was so cute up there on stage in her little tootoo and that white cast on her arm stood out like a soar thumb. For several weeks after the recital people would stop us in the mall and the grocery store and ask if she was the little girl who danced with the broken arm.

The first year that GI Joe played baseball or T-ball at that age, he looked so cute standing out in the field. His cap was all askew and he was watching so hard for the ball. It nearly hit him in the head.

I think Queenie was about 9 and my sister read her a Christmas story about a broken bell and only children could hear the bell because they were the only ones with Christmas spirit. After hearing the story, I tied a small bell on a card and hung it on the tree. On Christmas morning she saw it and rang it. I told her that I couldn't hear it. She was so amazed. She carried that bell around for weeks. A couple of times I almost slipped. I finally had to snag it from her and put it up for her to have when she has kids of her own.

One Easter we visited Asshole's Sister and her husband (I still love them) at their mountain house in North Carolina. GI Joe was so upset because he was afraid the Easter bunny could not find him. We assured him that the Easter bunny showed up where ever he had a basket. He was so surprised on Easter morning when he woke up to find all the goodies that the bunny had left for him.

We went to WDW when Queenie was about 9 and GI Joe would have been about 4. We were so worried about GI Joe getting separated from us. We drilled him the entire way down there (11 hour drive) and told him that if he got lost from us that he should find a WDW employee and them them that he was lost. We were at MGM studio watching the most spectacular light show I have ever seen. It was magical. We all got up to leave, walked to the end of the exit. We looked down and I said where is Queenie? Mama had GI Joe in the stroller. Asshole said I thought she was with you. I said no, she was with you. I panicked. If you have ever been to WDW you have seen the masses of people. It took me 10 minutes to fight the crown coming out. When I got back to the stage there was no Queenie. I alerted one of the employee's and a few minutes later they radioed that she was found. The took me to her. It never occurred to me that Queenie would get separated from us. Thank God she was listening to what we were saying to GI Joe and a big thanks to the WDW employees.

The first time that GI Joe flew he was 9. He was very scared, didn't want any part of it. I assured him that all would be OK. He was so nervous. We went through the security check where I want off. It was so noisy. I tried to tell him to hold up and wait for me but he didn't hear me. When he finally did realize that he was alone he turned around and saw the airport security patting me down. If he wasn't worked up already, this put him over the edge. They would not let him come back to me. It was horrible. I was screaming for him to be calm and I would be right there and that I was OK. He somehow managed to get in the wrong terminal and security would not let me go get him. I am all about airport security but this was ridiculous. What did they think he would do? When they finally let me go, I ducked under a bar and headed towards him. That didn't set well at all with security. I guess my Mother voice came out when they caught me. They let us go but it was not a good 1st flying experience for GI Joe.

Funny as the kids get older my memories are not all so sweet. There are still sweet moments but they are not quite so memorable. Treasure all the sweet memories of your children or anyone else that is special to you.