Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What Kind of Car are You???

I am a Mazda Miata, Trick is a Lotis Elise (what the hell is that?)

These are the Things That Make Me Happy (Today)

August 30, 2006

Good Morning Everyone!
Today I am reminded of the things that make me happy. As I walked outside to take the piglets to school, I walked into a re-run of Family Vacation. Queenie and GI Joe were fighting because Queenie hit GI Joe, because GI Joe farted on her, because Queenie pushed GI Joe because...Oh who the hell cares? I'm just wondering if my neighbors think some redneck hillbillies have moved in. If my neighbors are trying to sleep late they can just forget it. Then I got in the car and heard on the radio that during our great presidents interview that some CNN reporter left her wireless mike on while she went to pee. This is one of the things that makes me happy. I got the biggest kick out of listening to her talk about her "Control Freak Sister Inlaw". Can my day get any better? YES it can. After dropping Queenie off, I proceeded to take GI Joe to school. GI Joe started tucking his shirt in his pants. What is this????? It seems that our Huntsville City School system may be turning things around. Now all boys are required to tuck in their shirts. Yesterday when GI Joe entered the school he was caught with his shirt untucked and the shirt tail narc made him, and several other boys do push-ups. Oh my heart be still!!!!! Because it came to me that tomorrow when we exit the house, if Queenie and GI Joe start with their bullshit he/she touched, farted, kicked, spit or any other form of contact, I am just going to sit down on the porch and tell them to give me 10. And I'm not budging till they get er done!
Mom will prevail! This too makes me happy!
Have a good one!
The Cake Lady

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Terrible Tuesday!

August 29, 2006

Tuesday's are what Monday's are to most people. This Tuesday is no different, as a matter of fact it's worse. We just got the leak in our air conditioner fixed and the carpets cleaned. This morning I walk in the office to find the back window in a co-workers office smashed in. Dumbass'es didn't even have sence enough to take anything. I guess they didn't figure a double pain glass would be so hard to break. They made a mess, so now I have to help CC with her work because she can't get in her office for all the freaking glass. The clean up crew are here now. That damn shop vac needs a tune up. It sounds like it's trying to lift of the ground!

Take care everyone,
The Cake Lady!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Catching Up

August 28th, 2006

Hey everyone!
I tried to post Friday but had some technical difficulties and all that hard work just went to cyberspace hell. So, just let me briefly catch you up.

Thursday my Mom and I met Aunt J and playboy for a drink. Aunt J said she just needed to get out for a little while and had no plans to come back out. We all left at around 6:00pm. Then me and Mama met my sister Norma Jean and her 2 rug rats for dinner. Before we finished dinner Aunt J called and said that she couldn't stand it any longer, she was going out and wanted Mom and me to join her and so we did. Mom and I got downtown and waited and waited for Aunt J. I finally called her to ask where she was and she said she was waiting on a cab to pick her up. Then we waited and waited some more. I finally called her back to ask what the hold up was. She said she thought the cabbie was drunk because he got lost. NO WAY! Could it be the same driver that got lost coming to my house last night???? I went outside to wait for Aunt J to see for myself and HELL YES! What are the chances???? All you cab riders in Huntsville do not get in cab #18 with a driver named John. You might never get there.

Friday ended up a good night but it was not looking to promising. A friend of mine turned 50 and me and a bunch of other people were to meet her and her husband at a local restaurant/bar for dinner. Me and the party planner got there with balloons and children in hand only to find out that no one under 19 is allowed in a smoking restaurant. What a freaking nightmare, trying to find a restaurant to accommodate 14 people on a Saturday night. We finally did find one and I went to the bar 1st thing. As soon as I got some much needed alcohol in me, I felt better. Afterwards I got the Limo to drop me back off at the original dinner place. I met Aunt J and Playboy and whiskey dick. We were only there for about 30 minutes and decided to venture out to another bar. I drank lot's of beer, Trick would have been proud of me. Then took a cab home. Another good night with friends and beer.

Saturday I didn't do much. GI Joe called and asked if he could come to my house early so I picked him up, then me and Mom and GI Joe went shopping. I didn't buy a thing but I did a lot of window shopping for collared shirts. Later Mom and Queenie went to see Mama Mia, and me and GI Joe rented a movie and had steak out. It was a very relaxing evening. I didn't even dream anything.

Sunday was a lazy day. Me and Mom and GI Joe went to eat at the IHOP, then went back home and did a lot of nothing. I picked up Queenie and cooked dinner last night. Everyone seems in good health today. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I had all frozen food and put it in the oven. Chicken Marcela, Scalloped potatoes and green bean casserole. Everything was good except the green bean casserole, it was nasty. It came from Apple Lane Farms. I do not recommend it. Overall, it was a nice meal.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

There is an old Woman Trapped in the Lint Trap of my Dryer

August 24th, 2006

OK - Now that you know what I was dreaming about last night. That is all I will say about the dream except that all night that Bitch cried in agony that I didn't care that she was stuck in my lint trap. I knew it was a dream because I clean my lint trap every time I use the dryer.

Another typical Wednesday night. I had a good time, my Mom is visiting me from Florida. I took her out to meet the Gang (Trick, Margarita, & Aunt J). Since the city of Huntsville Police Dept is doing such a fine job of taking people to jail for drunk driving and I was in the mood to drink, my Mom and I took a Taxi to our favorite watering hole. The Taxi driver was a trip. He went to my neighbors house while my Mom and I are standing on the porch trying to waive him down. When he finally figured out that we were not waiving off flys he picked us up and asked if we knew Epicurus, which neigher one of us did. He informed us that Epicurus was a great philosopher. At this point I am thinking "Who the hell cares just get us there". I had to tell him directions and occasionally poke him in the side to wake him up. He drove all of 20 miles per hour. I thought we would never get there. When we did get there all the gang was already there. I don't know how we got on the subject of my nipples, but Margarita was on a mission to find out if my nipples were big or small. I think they are about average. That was about it for the evening.
Take Care,
The Cake Lady!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

No Rest for the Wicked!

August 23, 2006,

Does anyone know where that phrase came from "No Rest for the Wicked"? I am getting no rest and I am not wicked. God knows I want to be, but it aint happening. My sister Norma Jean spent the night with me last night and she brought her weenie dog "Mr. Jones" with her. That damn dog adores me. I don't know why because for the longest I hated weenie dogs. But they finally broke me and now I am a weenie dog lover. Norma Jean spent the night at my house last night because she had to be at Hampton Cove golf course at 6:15am this morning. Norma Jean lives out in the boonies and I live in location, location, location! Mr. Jones chose to sleep with me last night. It was just like having a new born. He slept right next to me. If I moved him, he came right back. He started crying at 4:30am because he needed to go outside to do his business. I can only imagine what the neighbors say about me. So, out we go at 4:30am. I am standing there in my favorite granny gown, bed hair and granny glasses. The only thing missing was the furry house shoes and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I hope I wake up soon because today is Wednesday. Wednesday is my cruising night. I don't know why I bother, if I found someone I wouldn't do anything. My Mom is coming to visit for a couple of weeks so I will have to wake up because she is a freaking party animal.
Take Care,
The Cake Lady!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

New Characters

August 22, 2006

Hi Everyone,
Today I feel so much better than yesterday. No weird dreams last night and no evil flights in the night. The only thing I am thinking of right now is the fact that my ex-husband who I will call Asshole will get my e-mail that I sent yesterday. Asshole is dating a woman who has the same name as me but that's all that we share. Queenie refers to her as Hitler and It is a fitting name. Hitler is under the delusion that my children are hers and has told people that my children are hers. I haven't seen nor spoke to Hitler since I informed her (in her face) that my children were in no way hers. It has since come to my attention that Hitler is now telling people that my children are her step children. I sent an e-mail to Asshole telling him that it was an improvement in Hitlers psychotic behavior for her to refer to my kids as her step kids and not her own children. I also added in the e-mail a note asking him when he plans to get a vasectomy. That should really get him riled up!!!

It's Tuesday and I have no plans for today. I might go play bingo at the Eagles club tonight. Sorry - this is about exciting as it gets for me.

Take Care,
The Cake Lady

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Piglets are gone

August 21, 2006

Good Morning Everyone!
Let me start by saying that I love my piglets. From here out they will be referred to as Queenie and GI Joe. As mentioned in the previous post GI Joe is in a cast and walking on crutches. Queenie is a typcial 15 year old girl. GI Joe is a typical 11 year old. Actually they are my children so they are anything but typical. Queenie and GI Joe were at each others throat all weekend. Which translates to mama being driven insane. My house has 5 TV's in it. 1 in my room (The vacant love palace). 1 in GI Joe's room, 1 in Queenie's room, 1 TV in the living room (or pig pen), 1 TV in the playroom. Queenie instigates a lot with GI Joe. She waits for him to go to the bathroom then runs into the pig pen and changes the channel, then when GI Joe gets back from the bathroom she insists that she has been there the whole time. In a nut shell all I heard this weekend was Mama GI Joe is....., Mama Queenie is....... I try retreating to the vacant love palace and they find a way in there. Locks do not work with these children. I just wanted to pull my hair out and judging from what is in my bathtub, I think that I did.

On top of being driven insane by the piglets, I can't sleep. I haven't slept in a while. Strange things happen during my dreams. My dreams are so vivid that sometimes I can't remember if I dreamed it or if it really happened. Or, I dream (I hope I'm dreaming) that I am being posessed by something evil. I fly through the air and I know when I'm flying that it is not good. And just in case you are wondering I do not do mind altering drugs. Unless you count wine. I am not an unattractive woman, I just have a hard time letting my guard down. They must pass the Cake Lady test before they get an invitation to the love palace and only 2 men in 4 1/2 years have ever passed that test.

The piglets are with thier dad for the week so I will be out cruising the streets of Huntsville for potential Cake Lady candidates and Cake.

Take care,
The Cake Lady

Friday, August 18, 2006

Getting Started

Friday August 18, 2006

Today I woke up and had a really good feeling about the day. After all, it is Friday. I was ready to tackle the day. My 11 year old son even asked for a collared shirt instead of the usual T-shirt this morning. My heart actually stopped for a moment and I thanked God that he had listened to my prayers. A collared shirt - YES!!!! All was well,
As I walked outside to take him to school, I thought he was leaning over to shut the door and then it happened. He was throwing up. I was in shock. He was fine when he left the house and walked the 20 steps to the car. How could this be??? No one would see the collared shirt! Not only that but he has only been in school for less than 2 wks and he has missed a bunch already. Monday he felt sick and he checked out, Tuesday he went to school. Wednesday he went in late because at football Tuesday practice Tuesday night he broke his ankle and the emergency room doesn't have crutches, go figure!. Thursday was a full day and now he is out again. Trust me when I say, he needs to be there. I'll tell you more about the cake lady later.