So You Think You Can Dance!

About 20 years ago my sister Norma Jean persuaded me to take a Wilton Cake Decorating class with her. She was and still is the type that would prefer to make a birthday cake as apposed to buying one from the sacred beloved bakery. It’s no secret how much I love cake, but I hate to bake. I am certain God created the bakery just for my benefit. I took the 8 wk class with her thinking if I actually knew what I was doing that I would like it better. WRONG! My cakes were the ugliest, worst tasting creations ever eaten. Anyone out there thinking of becoming a food network star, don’t worry about me. I’m one less competition for you. It took everything I had to finish that class but I did it. Every week I walked in and started watching the clock, counting the minutes till I was free of the cake Hell. Take note: This is probably the only post that you will ever hear me associate cake and Hell in the same sentence. You are probably wondering what cake decorating has to do with dance, aren’t you? Well, here it is.

My dear friend Melody teaches a Hip Hop class. She has been after me for years to take her class but I always found other things more important to do, after all I can dance or thought I could. I usually listen to 95.1 when I’m listening to the radio but when I’m in the car with Queenie as a compromise we listen to 104.3 which plays more of the top 40 as apposed to the rock that 95.1 plays. While listening to 104.3 one day I heard the song “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) by Beyoncé”. I loved the song! Queenie said the video was even better so I looked it up on YouTube and she was right. The video was great. It had me jumping around and in an all around peppy mood. I asked Melody if she would teach me this dance and she said if I would take her class she would teach me a few of the moves, so I signed up for the 6 week long Hip Hop class on Monday nights. I was so excited till my first class last night. I got there, walked in and everyone was wearing really super cool dance leotards and some even had those special dance shoes. I thought I looked pretty special too, after all I was wearing my Kid Rock special addition cover of the Rolling Stones T-shirt and my sky blue silky shorts. I didn’t let those girls intimidate me with their dance outfits. I was there to dance, not model. Melody came in and called roll and as I suspected most of the girls there had taken dance for several years and just wanted to get back into it or they were currently taking other dance classes. I think there was only 3 of us that had no professional dance experience. We started with the warm up and I felt pretty good. I could touch my toes and most of the other stuff too. I was doing OK with the warm up and stretching then it came time to get down to it. I can dance or thought I could till last night. When it comes to dancing in a choreographed routine, I just plain SUCK! There is a big joke between me and Melody regarding something called a Jazz Square. We once took a Jazzercise class together and every time it came to that damn Jazz Square I managed to get my feet tangled up and fall. I have no coordination. Last night it was the Jazz Square/Cake decorating class relived. The whole time I was fighting back tears and the urge to run away from that place. I kept repeating to myself “I will not quit”, “I will not quit”, “I will not quit” and I’m not. I will learn this Hip Hop thing if I have to repeat the class! I’m also going to find a video camera and film Melody so I can practice at home, after all I do love to dance!

Strange Combinations

Is it just here in Alabama or does the other States offer these seemingly strange combinations? Here you can tan, rent a video and buy fishing tackle all in the same building. You can go get your Birth control pill and register to vote at the same time. I see this sort of thinking as smart thinking.

Many moons ago before I wanted to have children I used the Birth control pill to prevent pregnancy. I was very poor so I went to planned parenthood to get my pills. They based the price on your income or lack of in my case. After I had been married a couple of years we decided to go off the pill and have a baby. I can’t believe how naive I was then. We waited 3 months to let the pill get out of my system before actually letting the gates open. At the time I was the Clinique counter manager at a department store in the mall. My two closest friends worked with me. Melody worked as counter manager for Lancôme and Teresa worked for Estee Lauder. The three of us were a team. We proclaimed ourselves as the most beautiful women. Every day we came to work we tried a new lipstick, looked in the mirror, blew ourselves a kiss and said “You are the most beautiful woman” (I still do that). Teresa was a few years older, already had children and much wiser. She was the one who told me to wear a bra with more support because one day the twins would not salute the sun but hang in despair. I really wish I had listened to her. I posed as Melody’s stand in Mother. She needed someone to write “L E T T E R S” for her. That’s how I wrote, I said every word as I wrote it down and didn’t finish the word in my mouth till it was on paper. It drove her crazy. I also liked to take the phone book away from her if she didn’t find the number quick enough. The day I did that was the day we became fast friends. I also pointed out that if her battery in her calculator/check book register ever died she wouldn’t know her balance in her check book. And sure enough about 1 week or so later it happened, the battery died in her checkbook register calculator and she had no idea what her balance was. I called the bank and took care of things. I also instructed her to take her car to K-Mart for a new battery instead of taking it the Chevron gas station. If I could do this well managing Melody then surely I could be a mother. Several months after I quit taking the pill I came to work feeling the best I had ever felt except that my boobie’s hurt. Teresa was certain that I was pregnant and insisted that I go and have a test done. I was certain I was not pregnant because we only had unprotected sex 1 time. So, off we went during our lunch hour to Planned Parenthood to have a test. I checked in and while we were waiting for me to be called back, Melody and Teresa found that they could register to vote at Planned Parenthood. Who would have guessed???. The nurse took me back to the room and asked all the pertinent questions. I told her that my boobies hurt so bad that surely my period was going to be horrible. A few minutes later the nurse came back and said to me “you are not going to have a horrible period”. I asked her how she knew that and she said because I was going to have a baby. I stood there not understanding what she had said. Then it hit me and when it did, it hit me hard. It scared me so that I screamed. I screamed loudly. Melody and Teresa came running from the waiting room to find me. They thought something was wrong with me as did all the nurses because they came running too. Apparently most of the screams that they heard were not joyous screams. I was happy and scared. I was shaking so badly that I could not write out the check to pay for the test. Teresa had to write the check for me. That was another day in my life that I will never forget and feel so blessed to have shared it with Melody and Teresa. That was about 19 years ago. I hadn’t thought about that day in a while. Melody reminded me of it the other day so decided to write about it before dementia or Alzheimer’s set in. This was the day that I found out I was pregnant with Queenie and Melody and Teresa registered to vote! What a day!

Pathetic or Desperate?

Today I was giving a good friend some advice and defining the difference in desperate and pathetic. There is a fine line. Can you tell the difference?

Today a co-worker had some errands to do but was really busy at work. I was going out during lunch and I volunteered to take her husbands watches and get batteries put in them. She said to take them to Alexander’s jewelry or Donnie’s Diamond gallery. I had never been to Donnie’s before so decided to take them there. While they were working on the watches I decided to peruse the Sapphire selection. Cake Lady just loves Sapphires. I have always thought if I were to ever marry again that I didn’t want a traditional wedding band. I envisioned a wedding band similar to anniversary band, with Sapphires surrounded by diamonds. I was not looking for a wedding band and I spotted the ring of my dreams. It is exactly what I had envisioned. Problem is I’m not getting married. I explained this to the salesman and he insisted that if I bought the ring in advance that it would be good luck and I would surely find a husband soon. What a salesman!!! I told him that would not work because marriage is not in my future or at least the near future. I told him that I didn’t want to wear anything on my left hand that looked like a wedding band unless I was actually married. He tried a few other angles but I finally told him I was just not going to buy something unless I would be wearing it.

When I brought the watches in I had my keys in my hand and laid them on the glass counter along with the watches. He put the watches in a baggy and handed me my keys. I thanked him and left. I got in the car and tried to put the keys in the ignition and I couldn’t get them to work. I looked to make sure I had the correct key and it appeared that I did, so I tried again. Still it wouldn’t work. I raised the keys and looked at them and realized these are not my keys. Inside joke but this is the second time in 2 weeks that I have ended up with a wrong set of keys. I took them back in and the salesman laughed and pulled my keys out of his pocket. I am not entirely certain that he didn’t do this on purpose. Possibly he was not going to let me leave until I bought that ring. Cake Lady's definition of pathetic: Buying a ring that looks like a wedding band that I won’t wear because I’m not married. Oh and no chance I will get that ring, even if I rationalized wearing it. It cost $2200.00

Where Did it Come From?

The big day had arrived. For months GI Joe and I had been looking forward to seeing the Blue Angels at the air show in Huntsville. When we got there the sky was partly cloudy. I changed into my tennis shoes because we had to walk a long way to the gate. I debated about taking my umbrella and decided since it was a small tote umbrella that I would take it just in case. Just as we arrived at the gates it started to rain. It wasn’t a hard rain but it was rain just the same. Lots of people wear leaving because of the rain, because the other people were leaving GI Joe and I were able to get closer to the front than what I had expected. Within seconds the light rain turned violent. My umbrella was useless so I closed it. As I closed my umbrella I saw the tents that had been set up for the VIP’s being torn apart by the wind and the metal poles that were holding the tents were pulled up. The poles were twirling around in the sky like a baton. I honestly thought we were going to die. GI Joe saw people being hit with the flying debris and screamed run. We started running, but didn’t know where to run. All we could think to do was to get out of the path of the flying debris. We were in Tornado ally, nothing but flat land and a lot of cars around. Where did this come from? This was supposed to be a day of fun. We ran till we got behind a large SUV and took cover there. At that time my 13 year old son put his arm around me and kept saying “just be calm Mama, it will be OK”. Even in my panic it occurred to me that my young son was acting like a man. How very proud I am of that. Within a few minutes it all stopped and the sun was shining. I learned later that it was a micro burst and not a Tornado. I also learned just how lucky we were. 12 people were injured and 1 young boy died. As I think about my own son and the courage he showed, my heart goes out to this family that lost their son.

I can't figure out how to add this video, so I just added this link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaTP85RvK4I

Panty Advice!

Good Morning Boys and Girls! Good Ole Cake Lady wants to share her new found knowledge concerning spare panties. Always keep a pair of panties in the back of your panty drawer because you never know when you are going to wake up and every pair of panties that you own are in your dryer that no longer works. Not too long ago over the course of about a year, I lost a lot of weight. Since I couldn’t afford to reward myself with a trip to some exotic island I decided to do the next best thing. I threw away every pair of white granny panty that I had and replaced them with the pretty colored panties from Victoria’s Secret. I vowed never to wear a pair of white panties again. So if you ever see me in a white skirt or white pants and it looks like a rainbow on my tail, it probably is and I know it’s there. When switching to the VS panties, I also decided that if any of them begin to fade in color, that they must be replaced. I decided that I need 12 pair of panties, an even dozen seemed plenty to me. Yesterday I put on my last pair of clean panties and put all the rest of them in the wash. Before I went to bed, I put them in the dryer and turned it on. This morning I get up, go to the dryer for the clean panties and guess what? All of my clothes are still wet. I’m thinking maybe I got distracted and forgot to turn the dryer on. I push the button to start the dryer and nothing happens. I check to make sure the door is shut and it is. Next I check the breaker box and all switches are where they are supposed to be and I even flip them for good measure. Still nothing happens. Now I have 2 problems. No, make that 3 problems. I have no dry panties to wear to work. I am going out of town and I have no dry panties to take with me and my dryer is broken. I have to call work and tell them I will be late because I have to dry my panties. That got a good laugh. In case you don’t know, it takes about 10 – 15 minutes to dry pretty colored cotton panties with the blow dryer. I had to get the rest of the clothes dry because I am leaving to go out of town right after work and was afraid the clothes would sour if I left them in the dryer over the weekend. So, I take the rest of the clothes (minus 3 pair of wet panties) to my friend’s house and put them in her dryer. She has no idea I was even there. She was still asleep. I wish I could see the look on her face when she opens her dryer and finds someone else’s clothes in there. I took 3 pair of panties and I laid them on top of my suitcase in the trunk of the car so that they can dry. Isn’t that how everyone dries their panties? Anyway, a dozen is not enough. Go for the bakers dozen and keep #13 hidden in the back of the drawer in case your dryer stops working when you need it most.

How Many Days Left Till School Starts Again?

Picture this. Before I went to bed last night I remind #1 son that he is not allowed to have any company in the house while I am at work tomorrow. I ask him to repeat what I said and he does. Seems pretty clear to me that #1 son understands my instructions. Any of you folks out there that have children know that God blesses you with a 7th sense, you know that nagging feeling that someone is up to no good. That 7th sense kicked in today when I had not received the normal 230 – 271 calls that I get when he is at home by himself. I decided to go home for lunch and see what was going on. I arrived about 1:15 and saw several bikes parked at the back of my driveway (none belonging to #1 son). I walked to the back of the house hoping to find the owners of the bikes in my backyard but no luck. As soon as I stepped in the door, I hear what sounds like a heard of horses trying to get back with the rest of the pack. One unknown voice shouts “GI Joe – your mother is here”. I hear more tripping and loud whispers then out pops #1 son from his bedroom and he is trying to shut his bedroom door but can’t. He is biting his nails and his eyes are wide as saucers. He try’s to be upbeat and says in the most cheerful voice “Hey Mom, what are you doing home? I thought you got off work at 5?. I remind him that I had reminded him last night that he was not to have anyone in the house while I was gone. He is lucky that I can control my anger because his response nearly had me to throttle him. He says “Oh I forgot” to which I called Bullshit, you just got caught. I tell the boys to leave and they promptly do while never taking their eyes off of me. I know they thought I was going to start beating some ass right there on the spot. I ask #1 son what all the commotion was in his room and he tells me that when I came home he just remembered that he was not supposed to have anyone over so he was trying to get them out the window before I got to his room. Did he really think he would get away with this? Is it a boy thing to just dig a hole deeper an deeper??? Oh and if him lying and then trying to cover it up was not enough, he calls me when I get back to work and asks if he can spend the night with someone to which I reply “NO” and he has the nerve to ask why!! I told him he could not spend the night with anyone because he lied and then tried to cover up his lie, he started to argue and I just hung up. What a fun summer this is going to be! HOW MANY DAYS TILL SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN?????

Another Trip On The Canoe

I spent another great weekend with the Cherokee this past weekend. The weekend for the most part was fun, wild, and also scary. The good stuff I speak of are things like just having him near me, his touch and helping him get his house set up was easy but there were a couple of things that I found myself questioning. Friday night we shared some cocktails and I probably had a few too many. No, let me rephrase that. There was no probably, I had too many cocktails. We were laughing and having fun and I thought all was good, then I went to the bathroom and when I came out the Cherokee was sitting in the floor. I laughed and asked him why he was in the floor and he said that I had hit him. I thought he was kidding but he assured me that he was not kidding. As I said I had a few too many cocktails and I had no recollection of doing this. I was happy so I couldn’t imagine what would possess me to hit him. He said it wasn’t in the face but more in the chest. Since I don’t remember it, all I can figure is that it was a playful hit. But what bothers me more than not remembering me hitting him is his reaction to it. Why didn’t he just say hey Carol, why did you hit me? But instead he withdrew. I am not perfect but I do have fairly good communication skills. I am really worried that this is the norm for him to withdraw instead of talking about it. I fear I will pay for something that happened in a past relationship. No one is perfect and that includes yours truly but I have learned from my mistakes and one thing that I learned in a relationship that communication is the key to a good relationship, even if the things you communicate about are not so nice.

The other thing that bothered me is his ex-girlfriend. I am such a logical person in every thing that I do. So much so that my logical personality sometimes makes things harder for me than what they should be. I know every thing is not black and white and I have a hard time imagining that there could be grey. I mean if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then logic tells me it’s duck. For this one I am going to trust that what I see is not a duck. Maybe it’s a fox trying to disguise its self as a duck. In a nutshell this girl keeps calling and I honestly do not believe he is still seeing her but I also have a hard time understanding why she keeps calling. He doesn’t answer her calls when I am there but logic tells me that if she keeps calling then he must be talking to her when I’m not around, and I don’t have a problem with that. It’s because he doesn’t answer her calls when I’m there that bothers me. It makes me feel like he is hiding something from me. My heart tells me he isn’t but logic tells me he is. This is truly new territory for me.