Thursday, March 26, 2015

Zac Brown

Oh how I wish we were friends again. Tonight you posted a song by Zac Brown. You said you were thinking of your son. Funny how music ties people together. Last Friday I posted a song by Zac Brown. When I posted that song, Jesus came to mind and thought that song should be put into a hymnal. Tonight I can't help but identify with the song you posted. That man, AKA my son inlaw is being deployed to an undisclosed location. He will miss his first year Anniversary with Queenie. 
I miss you J. Funny, or at least to me it's funny how things interact in life. 

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Getting Better

I made it through Christmas. It was horrible, and I survived. I have lots of wonderful friends and family that tried to cheer me up and for that I am thankful. It didn’t work but I am thankful for them. I’m still missing the bodyguard but I know he doesn’t want to be with me. On the 2nd of January I was watching TV one evening and heard something that made me change the way I was thinking about the bodyguard, which in turn helped me to feel better. I was so consumed with doubt about whether he ever really loved me or not. It hit me that it didn’t really matter if he did or didn’t love me. I loved him, and that is all that really mattered. I can’t control or change his feelings, so I didn’t need to dwell on whether or not he loved me. Just that simple shift from focusing on him to focusing on me seemed to help. Tomorrow is my Birthday and I will be spending most of the day at the Doctors office. It’s weird, physically I feel better than I have in a long time. Back around the 1st of December I decided that I needed to lose weight and eat better. I’m doing OK in both departments. The walking has become a problem because my head and my right leg are not working together. Hopefully it’s nothing serious and hopefully it does not cost me a fortune because I need new running shoes and they really are going to cost me a small fortune. Happy Birthday To Me!!

Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Ball

It's official, I've lost my mind. Last night I went to the Margarita Ball with my girlfriends. I found a killer dress and it only cost $25.00, quite possibly the best bargain this year. I took the money I would have spent on the dress and bought extra toys to take with me to the ball. I didn't drink to much, and I mention that because of what happened this morning. After the ball we all went to breakfast. I drove my own car, so I didn't get stuck anyplace I didn't want to be. I ordered my own pancakes and ate every bite. Drove home, went to bed, woke to get ready for work, found out because of the weather I didn't have to go to work, so I went back to sleep. I woke up later and this is where it gets scary. I wondered why The Bodyguard didn't show up last night. After all, the Dancing Queen told me that he just sent the other Dancing Queen a message telling her he had decided to come join us. She asked me if I would be ok. I said yes, I would be ok with him there and started mentally preparing myself knowing he would not ask me to slow dance. I had planned to exit to the bathroom when a slow song came on. I also told her that he was messing with her, and wouldn't come. So, when I woke this morning, I had messages from some of the girls I went to the ball with. It's a group message and I asked them why he didn't show up after sending a message saying he would. That's when I got a private message from the other Dancing Queen asking if I was ok? I said yes, and why do you ask. She said she never got a message from him and that I must have wanted it so badly that I dreamed it. It seemed so real. I could see it so clearly. I remember dreaming last night about being on a cruise ship and the waters were ruff. I dreamed that I was getting wet from the waves, I could see the ship hitting rocks but I wasn't afraid. That is what I dreamed. 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

I Want to be Happy Again

Tonight as I listened to a friend talk about how unhappy she was, it was hard for me to listen and be apathetic. I'm a giving person, sometimes I give to much. I've tried being selfish, and that's just not me. I'm happiest when I take care of others. 
Tonight I put back up a picture of me and The Bodyguard. I had taken the picture down after he broke up with me. I didn't take it down because he asked me to take it down. I took it down because I thought if I didn't see his face, I wouldn't think of him. I was wrong. I'm still thinking of him. I say his name when I get upset and it calms me. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Trick or Treat!

It’s no Trick! Queenie and Hubby have bought a house and I couldn’t be more excited. Not just for them but for me. They close on it Halloween. Queenie is a slob. I thought when she got married that she would be gone but because Hubby couldn’t find a job, she continued to live with me. It’s bad when G. I. Joe announces that when she is gone we are going to disinfect the house. I guess I better start perusing the sale papers for 409, Windex, mop and glow etc. I told her when she left; I was going to change the locks. She didn’t find that amusing. All kidding aside, I am very happy for them. The house is a very nice house, much better than mine and much bigger. Truthfully I am sure I will be lonely. I guess that is just something else that I will have to deal with. There is still no word from the Body Guard. I try not to think about him, but I do.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Things I Know

In my last post a reader asked me what happened with us. I told her I wish I knew. This is what I do know. About a month ago the body guard broke up with me. I guess I never should have starting referring to him as “J” on here. Maybe that jinxed things. I doubt it. Today my boss asked if the body guard and I wanted to go to a soft opening of a restaurant. At first I thought about telling him that we already had plans but decided that I would just tell him the truth. I haven’t even told most of my friends about it. Everyone, including me thought we would be together forever. We got along great, or at least I thought we did. I am broken hearted, depressed and just plain shocked. I guess no matter how much I loved him (love him), he doesn’t love me back the same way. He didn’t even have enough respect for me to tell me face to face or at the very least, call me on the phone. The last words he said to me were “I love you too”. I had called him to see if he was at work. I was going to stop by and see him. As I was calling him, he was leaving. I waved at him and told him I loved him and would just see him later. He said Love you too. He had been sick that week, or at least he told me he was sick. I wonder now if his sickness was just a reason not to see me. I had tried to call him Thursday or Friday and he didn’t answer the phone but text back to say that the cold had gone to his chest and it hurt him to talk. He text me late Friday night to see what I was doing and I told him I was watching TV and he said he was doing the same thing. Sunday I didn’t hear from him and just thought he was still sick, so I didn’t bother him. I decided to make some ribs on the grill. The Body Guard makes some killer ribs!! I was always harassing him telling him mine were better. I took some pictures of them and went to post them on FB and when I did, I saw that he had deleted every picture of me. Not just a few but every picture. Talk about a shock. I called him and he didn’t answer, so I text him to ask what was going on and he told me that he needed some time to himself, that he needed to think some things through in his life. I have no idea what those things were. In hind sight, I believe those things he needed to think about were me and he had already done just that. I miss him. I’m taking one day at a time. Some days are Ok and some days are horrible. Today is one of the horrible days.

Monday, October 06, 2014

Cup Cakes

I rarely crave sugary foods, and when I do it's comparable to a nicotine addiction. Yes, I once smoked cigarettes. I haven't had a cigarette since December 6th, 1985. That is one of my proudest accomplishments. I wish I could say the same thing for my cravings for cake. Thank God it's not something I crave often. Now...if offered a piece of cake, that's entirely different. I don't know what brings on my sugar cravings, they just seem to pop up like weeds in a garden. Tonight I'm in the weeds. I had bought a box of...I will call them Body Guard Cakes to celebrate his Birthday. They are the cellophane wrapped little goodies with his name written on them (only the Body Guard will understand that). I ate one on his Birthday and put the rest in the cabinet, tucked away from the piglets. Queenie doesn't like chocolate, so that means G. I. Joe has been here, in stealth mode.  Mama is going to have to find a new hiding place for her cakes!!